One of the subjects I'm asked about more often than you'd think is, "What's your opinion on home schooling?" It's odd for me since I've rarely come in contact with homeschoolers but being in a school setting for the last few years has definitely shed some light on the subject for me.
When I was a child I wanted desperately to be home-schooled. I hated wearing my uniform, hated school lunches, hated the bells. I craved flexibility and math lessons in my pajamas. That's the "dream" of home-school for so many, but it turns out to not be the reality for the kids I've met who were home-schooled. Some have had tutors come to them daily, some have "classroom" areas set up in their homes, and some even have a regular school day schedule. In college I met a young woman who had been home-schooled in a regular day school, just in a private classroom with other home-school students. Because they were attending the school they had to wear the required uniform, and they also met with different teachers throughout the day.
As most teachers, I disagree with the theory of home-schooling for a number of reasons. First of all, while I am an educator I would never dream that I have all the knowledge I need to teach my child everything they need to know to be ready for high school or college. I just don't. No parent does. Second, in a home setting if a child acts out they're punished/disciplined as they are at home. There's no definition between punishments. If a student acts out in my class they're going to get demerits and maybe a detention. For home-schooled students, detention and home are one in the same. What's the difference between taking away the TV for an hour because they sassed back at the dinner table versus taking the TV away for an hour because they didn't do their homework? Parents who home-school would need to get creative and find ways to inspire and motivate their kids, which of course could be considered bribing. I'm not an "incentive" teacher. I'm not going to reward a student for doing what they already know they need to do. I find incentives to be more of a "last chance" for control of the classroom. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong, but they've just never worked for me.
Another issue I have with home-schooling is that, despite what parents say and what their best intentions are, home-schooled kids are nearly always lagging behind in social skills. Because they're not engaging with their peers on a daily basis they tend to be a little more socially awkward than the rest of us. Junior high and high school are hard enough, and then thrusting a home-schooled child into a social setting, even one they're familiar with, just makes for an awkward situation in which your child has no fun and no friends.
Kids NEED rules and order. They may hate it, but they NEED to stand in line and wait until the bell rings. Seriously. Come visit my school any day of the week and you'll see that if I were to say, "Go grab your coat" and not specify which row should walk into the coat room or ask for line leaders to lead the class down the hall that there'd be chaos. "But what are we supposed to dooooooooooooooooooooooooo????" Quizzical looks and demanding, needy question askers would be tugging at me, desperate to make order of the chaos. I kid you know. Kids like knowing that everything happens in order, and most adults to as well. To take away that order puts them on edge. To not have that order to begin with makes kids, in my opinion, more confused and less able to adapt to order in high school and college.
Simply taking your child to a church youth group or making them play on a weekly softball team doesn't fix the problem, either. Sure they're getting social interaction, but the home-schooled child is often "weird" or the outsider. From my experience (which admittedly is limited, but it's been the same in every case I've encountered) the home-schooler doesn't engaged and doesn't understand the social cues beind sent out by the other children. The child might come from a home where everyone there loves and adores them and listens to every word they have to say, but in social situations that's not the case. I've encountered adults who talk and talk and talk and talk and dominate the conversations because they're afraid of the silence, or because they just assume that everyone wants to hear what they have to say. Social cues aren't something you learn in a classroom with a notebook and pencil--they take time to learn and master.
The one home-schooled child I knew well is a struggling adult. Because she grew up in a very closed environment (her parents both worked from home and she has a very honest, but also very boundryless relationship with them) she's VERY unprepared for life outside her little bubble. "Anna" grew up in a very small family and attended a very small and very literal Southern Baptist church. She has a very sweet disposition, but anything different from what she is used to makes her twitch a little. For example, when attending college for the first time she was completely struck that homosexuals actually existed outside Chicago. She thought for sure that there weren't gay people south of I-80, apparently. Regardless of what your feelings about homosexuality are, you have to at least agree that it's something we encounter everyday and it's not going away. It's just another difference found in people all over the nation. However, Anna just stared in shock when she met her first lesbian. Apparently this woman wasn't anything like Anna expected, and the way she kept her distance it was clear she thought that she could catch some gay disease or something.
Anna also has a low tolerance for compromise. She wants her way, gosh darn it! When asked, Anna will tell you that she never had any problems sharing or compromising at home. Everyone ELSE is the problem! However, it's clear that Anna and compromise quite well with her close-knit family because they're all very much alike. There's no fight for what to watch on TV each night because they all love the same programs. But when meeting her college roommate and having to learn to share and work out a shower/bathroom schedule and learning when to ask and when to compromise gave Anna the hardest year of her life. She just wasn't used to living with "an outsider". While her roommate was generally a good person, she and Anna were veeeeeeeeeeeery different and Anna just couldn't live with her.
Now, if you're an advocate for home-schooling I'm sure you're thinking, "Well, these are just extreme cases! I'll certainly make sure my child understands that they need to compromise with people and they need to learn to share with other kids." Oh yeah? How so? Limited social interaction makes it harder for kids to learn how to share and work with others. Sure Anna could share with her brother Travis, but she couldn't share with anyone else. She just didn't know how. Even now, when I hear her talk about her teaching career, her complaints are always about her coworkers and that they're irritating her. "They're doing it wrong! They have no classroom control! They're not prepared enough!" Really, Anna? Is that the only problem? Sure there are teachers who play a little fast and loose with their lesson plans and Lord knows there are classroom management issues, but I find it hard to believe that ALLLLLL your coworkers are underqualified and mismanaging.
I think part of the reasons parents home-school (and this is gonna be flame-worthy) are completely selfish. Maybe they're having a little trouble letting go, or maybe they're homebodies to begin with. Maybe they don't even realize they're being selfish. I don't know. However, I've to date only met one parent (a former classroom teacher) who chose to home-school for the benefit of her CHILD, not herself. In this instance, her child was being bullied relentlessly at school and she felt the school wasn't doing enough to combat what was happening to her child. She and her husband cannot afford a private school and they are not yet able to move into a new school district. She took matters into her own hands and is home-schooling her oldest child but not her younger three. His schedule matches that of his siblings, and while he's socially awkward he's doing remarkably well given the circumstances. I think that his mother's teaching background definitely helps. After all, she knows what she's teaching him backwards and forwards and she has years of elementary classroom experience. Sure she might be a little rusty after being a stay-at-home mom for so long, but she definitely knows her stuff and once they're able to move they're planning to admit their child to regular school again.
Home-schooling children because you think you can do a better job is just plain silly. Like I said, I'd never assume that I need to know everything necessary to educate a child. Furthermore, there's a reason most school districts now require a Master's degree to teach Pre-K and Kindergarten. Those early years are important for education. Kids learn to play WITH one another, not near one another. They learn to share, and they learn to have a schedule and order and to be just a little bit responsible for one another. I believe the Pre-K teacher at my school is one of the best around. All students who attend Preschool here and continue on to Kindergarten know how to read and write (at least a little) by Kindergarten. They learn to play with other kids and they learn how to behave and follow classroom rules. They are far better prepared to enter the upper grades than those children who don't attend Preschool at all. Even if Mom and Dad are teaching Junior his letters and numbers, Preschool is much more than just playing, snacking, and napping these days. It's critical for success. When polled, the 8th grade students (graduating in a few weeks) who attended Preschool are among the brightest and smartest in their class. Those who didn't struggle much more academically.
Something else I've encountered with home-schooled kids is that they learn early on that "outsiders are scary." They're not like them, therefore we "normal folk" are strange and different. I've never, ever met someone who attended a home school who didn't think "the rest of us" were trustworthy, normal, and not weird. If your parents work from home and you learn from home, you have no baseline for what normal behavior looks like. Sure, you're normal. Normal for you. You have no exposure to anything different. By the time you enter the mainstream, everything different is weird and not trustworthy. Yes, if a student attends regular school, people and things will still be weird. However, they'll be less eye-popping than if that student were home-schooled and effectively sheltered and then thrust into real life.
Something else that comes up when home-schooling is discussed is the fear parents have when they send their children off to school. Shootings, gangs, drugs, drinking, partying, curse words, stress...I can definitely understand why parents, when weighing those obstacles, could want to keep their kids at home. But here's the thing: I spend 6 hours a day with these kids. I can only have so much of an impact, as can their friends. Technology has made it easier to get access to all those potential threats, but the role of the parent hasn't diminished. As a parent, you have access to your child all the time. You shouldn't have to worry that your child will descend into the seventh circle of hell and become a liar and drug addict if you've done your job right. All those fears are normal and I don't know that they ever go away. But worrying comes with the territory of being a parent. Parents worry, kids don't. That's life. However, as a parent you can educate your child and make sure they're not going to make bad decisions. Will your kid screw up? YES! At least, I sure as hell hope so. That's what kids do. They make mistakes but they learn from those mistakes with the right training. You can't be with your child every minute. It's just not healthy. But you can educate and teach your child right from wrong and what the dangers of drugs and alcohol are and hope and pray that they actually listened to you and will make the right decisions when faced with a choice.
Another issue, one most work-at-home parents don't consider is the time required for home-schooling. You'd effectively have to quit your job to teach your kid, or hire a tutor to get your work done. Or, learn to live on little sleep and work at night. Teaching children who can't work independently makes it nearly impossible to do your "real job". Scheduling can help, but let's face it. You had kids for a reason. You love them and want to spend time with them. You're not going to want to teach kids for an hour, then give them 2 hours to go outside and play while you stay holed up inside. You want to spend time with them and enjoy their company. Some of my favorite memories of school and childhood include coming home and being able to tell my parents what I learned today. I felt like a genius when I learned how to multiply and divide and my parents enjoyed my stories and my demonstrations of what I learned in school.
Bottom line, kids NEED to learn from people other than their parents. They need to learn from other teachers and their classmates. They need to learn to follow the rules and work with kids who aren't them. Only children have a hard enough time learning to work with other kids, why make it harder for them? If a parent is considering home-schooling, my best advice for them is to strongly consider the reasons behind it. Why do you want to home school so much? Will your schedules allow it? What sort of schedule will you follow? Do you have any plans to admit your child to a normal day school once they're older? Also, what kind of socialization will you have planned for "after school"? What if your child doesn't like it and wants to quit? What will you provide in the place of that dropped activity?
I know parenting is tough and Lord knows you want what's best for your child. However, what's best for you isn't necessarily the best for your child. Look at all your schooling options. Private schools are hurting in this economy and might be willing to work with you and give you a financial aid package to make tuition affordable, or maybe you can work at the school part-time to defer some of that tuition. If private isn't even an option on the table, look at your local schools and take a tour. Meet your child's teachers. If you don't like them and like the idea of your child being home, strongly consider hiring an outside tutor or forming a home-school group. Trust me, with the way schools are closing left and right these days there will be plenty of former teachers looking to keep working until they can get another classroom placement. Charter schools are also an option: a public school with a private feel. In Chicago, charter schools are essentially forcing out "bad kids" with a behavior code and the bad kids are turning to neighborhood schools. If your kid doesn't have a behavior issue, then they should be fine.
To me, there are almost always better options than home-schooling. It doesn't seem healthy for anyone involved. Attachment issues can form, and few home-schooled children grow up to be well-adjusted teenagers and adults. You are the most important teacher your child has, but you can't be there all the time, and your child can learn valuable life lessons from you while you leave the letters and numbers teaching to the professionals.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
What the hell am I gonna do?
I just had a conference with a student and it wasn't a happy one. He's an okay student, but he's gotten this attitude that he doesn't need to do his work. He's in school soley to socialize and have fun, and as a result his grades are in the toilet. His parent/teacher conference wasn't a positive one: it was basically laid out for him that he's most likely repeating this year, and that STILL hasn't changed his behavior. He's still not participating and not turning in work. I wish I could physically slap him across the face and hope that the reality of the situation sticks that way, because giving him his grades and telling him that he's going to repeat clearly hasn't worked.
Here's the thing...he's not one of those kids that "just doesn't get it" because he's LD. He seems to think that he can float by on his good looks and charm. He's always gotten out of trouble before, so clearly it's got to happen one last time. It's so frustrating to see someone who could be an A or B student care so little while the kids with real problems struggle so much and would kill to get a B on a test.
I'm sending a note home today or tomorrow, whenever I can get it translated. It's just such a pain, and I'm very annoyed that this kid hasn't turned it around at all.
Here's the thing...he's not one of those kids that "just doesn't get it" because he's LD. He seems to think that he can float by on his good looks and charm. He's always gotten out of trouble before, so clearly it's got to happen one last time. It's so frustrating to see someone who could be an A or B student care so little while the kids with real problems struggle so much and would kill to get a B on a test.
I'm sending a note home today or tomorrow, whenever I can get it translated. It's just such a pain, and I'm very annoyed that this kid hasn't turned it around at all.
Mondays suck
I'm a crank today. Teaching should be interesting...I just don't have the motivation to get moving.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
10 Years Later
I woke up this morning and fumbled around for my clothes and my keys in a lame attempt to get to work on time. I wasn't really conscious of the date or time or what color socks I'd put on. While listening to Matt Lauer interview yet another auto industry or GE executive and another "But when is this recession going to bottom out?" I whined a little to my husband. "But I don't waaaaaaaaaaant to go to work today! I need one more day oooooooooooooofffff!!!" Then the headlines on the news switched gears and I was nearly alarmed to find out that the Columbine High School tragedy occurred 10 years ago today.
Has it really been 10 years later? I can hardly believe it. It seems like it was mere moments ago that I was sitting in 9th grade English class when another teacher came into the room and turned on the television without saying a word. From that moment on, school safety was forever changed.
I went home that afternoon and got the tightest hug my mother has ever given me, even tighter than when I disappeared from her side while at the shopping mall 4 years earlier. I could tell she'd been crying for the parents who said goodbye to their kids for the last time just hours earlier.
At first I was numb to the news. There had been school shootings before this. It wasn't the first time someone had walked into a school with a handgun and a grudge to uphold. Columbine was different. It was haunting. It was stunning. I still remember watching the news that night and watching the footage over and over again. Kids running out of the building in organized lines, hands on their heads. SWAT teams running in, guns at the ready while students huddled against the building praying they weren't next. It didn't seem possble. How were schools now at risk? Kids were supposed to be safer in schools than in their own homes. How had years of paperwork and permission slips and red tape failed us?
The kneejerk reaction afterwards was to make schools safer by installing metal detectors and placing cops all over the place. "This will send the message that we mean business." But like most kids, I didn't really feel safer. Seeing cops patroling our campuses and metal detectors everywhere made me feel like everyone was a victim, that anyone was capable of exacting revenge on anyone they hated. The real change took place slowly after we had time to heal, but not before more school shootings took place.
In a sick way, I identified, for a few moments anyway, with the killers. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold; we'll never forget their names. As a student in elementary school I was teased mericlessly day after day. That's not even close to an exaggeration, and I wish like hell it was. I was teased for everything...being too smart, too thin, too weird looking, not having the best clothes, having to wear braces, reading too much, failing a math quiz, not being athletic, not knowing what was new on TV or on the radio...one day in January, I was leaving school after band practice and was jumped from behind by 3 boys in my class. They knocked my on the ground and kicked me and threw snow and ice at me. The whole ordeal only lasted about 5 minutes, but it made me hate them. I truly hated them. I wanted to hurt them physically and emotionally the way they had hurt me. There were no witnesses, and our principal wasn't any kind of disciplinarian so the ordeal was forgotten. But I never forgot and I doubt I ever will. I still look behind me when I'm walking in the snow. I still have an occassional flashback. I can't even imagine if my ordeal had been that of the Columbine students. Every car backfiring, every kid who even somewhat resembled the shooters, every April 20th, they remember. Everytime they return to their high school for a reunion or visit home. Everytime someone asks, "So where'd you go to high school?"
Their healing took years, and for some I imagine it's still happening. Some of them were my age that day. Some of them will never forget the choices they made...lunch in the cafeteria, you live. Lunch in the library, you die. Memorials and services help bring closure, but I bet there's not a day that goes by that they don't remember. Columbine has not defined them, but it changed them.
Today, Columbine has become an adjective. Virginia Tech was described as a "Columbine-style" shooting. The disturbed young man who demoted Columbine as 'The Worst School Shooting in History' praised the Klebold and Harris as "martyrs" for the belittled and disturbed. As much as I hate to write it, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris got exactly what they wanted: remembrance. When you think about it, most killers are remembered, and the victims are forgotten by society at large; they fade away, shadowed by the angry faces and words of their killers. Think about it: name one of Jack the Ripper's victims, if you can. John Wayne Gacy? The Oklahoma City bombing victims? Their killers are remembered by name and face. Their faces we can't forget...blank and cold stares, locked jaws, and eyes that cut you to the core even after their death.
Today, Columbine High School was closed. I wonder what the true point of taking a day off to remember the 13 dead these 10 years. The youngest students attending today were 4 and 5 years old that day. They have no memory of Columbine, and most likely brief, fleeting memories of 9/11. They have grown up in a world where metal detectors and random bag searches are a fact of life. They have no idea what we lost ten years ago today. Those students who died, that teacher, are nothing more than names on a wall. Surely there are community members and teachers who remember, but to the current students of Columbine High School today is just a day off.
Ten years ago, my high school had no clue how to handle the aftermath of Columbine, even from hundreds of miles away. We were confused and sad and terrified that an angry girl could exact the same type of disaster with a handgun. There were no grief counselors, no therapy sessions. We wore blue and white ribbons to remember the victims but that didn't help our confusion. We looked to our teachers and parents for answers but they had just as many questions as we did. No one really understood what happened. The immediate response was to try and combat bullying and reach out to those "loners". It was almost as though school administrators assumed that each loner felt the same way and was planning a similar attack on their school. Any student who had ever been depressed, sad, angry, left out, etc. was pulled out of class and asked "How are you feeling today?" Sure, it was a start, even if it wasn't the best place to start. But after Columbine, where did you start? We had to start somewhere as we tried to make sense of it all.
Being on the other side of the desk, I can only imagine how my teachers felt that day and on the day of Virginia Tech. They were just as scared as we were. Sure teachers can be cranky and sure we can grade unfairly sometimes and we can nitpick and ride a kid hard, but we're not doing it to be an a-hole. Imagine being Eric Harris' History teacher, who perhaps bugged him one time too many. You were next, he just killed himself before he got to you. Whenever something happens...a death, a surprise, a sudden outburst...students look to their teachers, literally. Thirty pairs of eyes stare at you, asking, "Now what do we do?" The truth is, we're not trained to handle something like this, big or small. There's no manual for what to do when a gunman enters your school or your classroom, and if there was you wouldn't read it anyway. Teachers are just as clueless as those they teach, they're just a little better at hiding their surprise and fear.
Today, schools have evacuation plans for fires, thanks to Our Lady of the Angels. We have tornado drills. And now we have Intruder Plans in case someone enters the building. Just like the good old days, students are trained to crouch under their desks during a drill, except it's not during the air raid sirens. Twice a year we practice what to do when we hear, "Mr. Green, would you please come to the office?" over the intercoms. During the drills kids laugh and giggle just like they do durind a fire drill. "That won't happen here. That won't happen to us." OLA was 50 years ago, Columbine was 10, and Virginia Tech and NIU were college shootings. There's no reason to think that could happen to them.
What we lost 10 years ago was more than 13 (15) young lives. We lost our sense of security. We lost our school safety. On April 20th, 1999, we all walked into school safe and unaware. On April 21st, we entered scared and confused and unsure of one another. We eyed each other sideways and wondered if this kid was capable of the same kind of rage that took 13 lives. We lost our trust in one another and our trust in the system. We lost the ability to walk into a building and not be subject to a metal detector or bag search. Sometimes I wonder about bringing a child into this world. How will I be able to explain Columbine and Virginia Tech and NIU so they know exactly how tragic they were? How will I be able to tell them that I still cry and I still get chills? How will I be able to explain that when they leave the confines of my car I'll want to reach out and take them back, afraid for their safety? I'll get an eyeroll and a "Sheesh, lighten up, will you?!" (because they'll be paying back the childhood karma I so eagerly sowed) and I'll have to let go and pray that their generation will get it right because mine could not.
Columbine, Oklahoma City, NIU, 9/11, Virginia Tech.....all events that will be ancient history to my kids. I'll never be able to explain the fear and confusion we felt those days. They'll never know what we lost and they'll never know a world where Columbine doesn't mean "massacre". In the same way I've never known a world without fire drills and tornado drills, I suppose. I remember my dad telling me about OLA and the pale, sad expression that crossed his face. I could tell that it was something horrible and sad, but when he told me it was in 1958, I brushed it off as ancient history. I never thought about the hug my dad got from his mother when he got home from school that day. I never thought about my dad being a scared little boy walking into school afraid he'd be burned to death before the bell rang. I never thought that such a traumatic event would affect my dad so much that he chose a career in public safety so he could help save those in danger. Did Columbine shape me? Did Columbine decide my fate as a teacher, even from hundreds of miles away? Is Columbine my OLA?
A few years ago, my family and I traveled to Colorado. I can't remember why we were driving around, but somehow we ended up in Littleton and drove right past Columbine High School. It was July and the sun was setting. It was so peaceful and quiet. The building was dark. It was two years later, before 9/11 and before our world changed again. It was so strange. In a million years, I never would have suspected that this beautiful building filled with white bread and suburban families would have been the scene of such a horrific tragedy. The campus was pristine and I'm not sure why but I expected something more, even 2 years after the fact. The only pictures of Columbine I had ever seen involved terrified students and a SWAT team. I guess it's kind of like seeing a nun without her veil--you know in your head that the visions you have are a little muddled and not quite clear, but when you see the truth you're more than surprised.
On that quiet, warm night in Littleton, I felt a little chill. I couldn't believe that I was looking at the same place I'd seen on TV for weeks and weeks. It was silent and empty. It was nothing like I expected. It wasn't something I was ready to see. It had been 2 years, but it still wasn't resolved. No one had anymore answers than they did on April 21st, 1999. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.
Today, more than anyone else, I am praying for Dylan and Eric's families. While Dylan and Eric killed 13 innocent people, their families lost a beloved child as well. Not only that, but they have to live knowing that their child hurt so much that they had to make others hurt as well. They have different memories of the cold, unflinching young men we see on surveilance tape. They remember small fingers and toes on the day they were born and a smiling, happy toddler. They remember young boys who gave them hugs and kisses each day. The rest of the nation remembers two cold-hearted young men, and they remember two beautiful baby boys.
We lost a lot that day, and we've lost more since then. In trying to make our world and our schools a safer place we've lost our confidence and trust in one another. We've lost the safety that comes with schools. We've put all our faith in paperwork and surveilance cameras and grief counselors. We keep hoping another generation will make it better. I don't know that we are, but we keep trying. Maybe we do it in memory of the fallen, maybe we do it for ourselves. I don't know that it matters, but education is our best tool. Maybe repetition IS key. Maybe if we keep reminding one another what happened and what we lost, it will finally stop happening.
Has it really been 10 years later? I can hardly believe it. It seems like it was mere moments ago that I was sitting in 9th grade English class when another teacher came into the room and turned on the television without saying a word. From that moment on, school safety was forever changed.
I went home that afternoon and got the tightest hug my mother has ever given me, even tighter than when I disappeared from her side while at the shopping mall 4 years earlier. I could tell she'd been crying for the parents who said goodbye to their kids for the last time just hours earlier.
At first I was numb to the news. There had been school shootings before this. It wasn't the first time someone had walked into a school with a handgun and a grudge to uphold. Columbine was different. It was haunting. It was stunning. I still remember watching the news that night and watching the footage over and over again. Kids running out of the building in organized lines, hands on their heads. SWAT teams running in, guns at the ready while students huddled against the building praying they weren't next. It didn't seem possble. How were schools now at risk? Kids were supposed to be safer in schools than in their own homes. How had years of paperwork and permission slips and red tape failed us?
The kneejerk reaction afterwards was to make schools safer by installing metal detectors and placing cops all over the place. "This will send the message that we mean business." But like most kids, I didn't really feel safer. Seeing cops patroling our campuses and metal detectors everywhere made me feel like everyone was a victim, that anyone was capable of exacting revenge on anyone they hated. The real change took place slowly after we had time to heal, but not before more school shootings took place.
In a sick way, I identified, for a few moments anyway, with the killers. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold; we'll never forget their names. As a student in elementary school I was teased mericlessly day after day. That's not even close to an exaggeration, and I wish like hell it was. I was teased for everything...being too smart, too thin, too weird looking, not having the best clothes, having to wear braces, reading too much, failing a math quiz, not being athletic, not knowing what was new on TV or on the radio...one day in January, I was leaving school after band practice and was jumped from behind by 3 boys in my class. They knocked my on the ground and kicked me and threw snow and ice at me. The whole ordeal only lasted about 5 minutes, but it made me hate them. I truly hated them. I wanted to hurt them physically and emotionally the way they had hurt me. There were no witnesses, and our principal wasn't any kind of disciplinarian so the ordeal was forgotten. But I never forgot and I doubt I ever will. I still look behind me when I'm walking in the snow. I still have an occassional flashback. I can't even imagine if my ordeal had been that of the Columbine students. Every car backfiring, every kid who even somewhat resembled the shooters, every April 20th, they remember. Everytime they return to their high school for a reunion or visit home. Everytime someone asks, "So where'd you go to high school?"
Their healing took years, and for some I imagine it's still happening. Some of them were my age that day. Some of them will never forget the choices they made...lunch in the cafeteria, you live. Lunch in the library, you die. Memorials and services help bring closure, but I bet there's not a day that goes by that they don't remember. Columbine has not defined them, but it changed them.
Today, Columbine has become an adjective. Virginia Tech was described as a "Columbine-style" shooting. The disturbed young man who demoted Columbine as 'The Worst School Shooting in History' praised the Klebold and Harris as "martyrs" for the belittled and disturbed. As much as I hate to write it, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris got exactly what they wanted: remembrance. When you think about it, most killers are remembered, and the victims are forgotten by society at large; they fade away, shadowed by the angry faces and words of their killers. Think about it: name one of Jack the Ripper's victims, if you can. John Wayne Gacy? The Oklahoma City bombing victims? Their killers are remembered by name and face. Their faces we can't forget...blank and cold stares, locked jaws, and eyes that cut you to the core even after their death.
Today, Columbine High School was closed. I wonder what the true point of taking a day off to remember the 13 dead these 10 years. The youngest students attending today were 4 and 5 years old that day. They have no memory of Columbine, and most likely brief, fleeting memories of 9/11. They have grown up in a world where metal detectors and random bag searches are a fact of life. They have no idea what we lost ten years ago today. Those students who died, that teacher, are nothing more than names on a wall. Surely there are community members and teachers who remember, but to the current students of Columbine High School today is just a day off.
Ten years ago, my high school had no clue how to handle the aftermath of Columbine, even from hundreds of miles away. We were confused and sad and terrified that an angry girl could exact the same type of disaster with a handgun. There were no grief counselors, no therapy sessions. We wore blue and white ribbons to remember the victims but that didn't help our confusion. We looked to our teachers and parents for answers but they had just as many questions as we did. No one really understood what happened. The immediate response was to try and combat bullying and reach out to those "loners". It was almost as though school administrators assumed that each loner felt the same way and was planning a similar attack on their school. Any student who had ever been depressed, sad, angry, left out, etc. was pulled out of class and asked "How are you feeling today?" Sure, it was a start, even if it wasn't the best place to start. But after Columbine, where did you start? We had to start somewhere as we tried to make sense of it all.
Being on the other side of the desk, I can only imagine how my teachers felt that day and on the day of Virginia Tech. They were just as scared as we were. Sure teachers can be cranky and sure we can grade unfairly sometimes and we can nitpick and ride a kid hard, but we're not doing it to be an a-hole. Imagine being Eric Harris' History teacher, who perhaps bugged him one time too many. You were next, he just killed himself before he got to you. Whenever something happens...a death, a surprise, a sudden outburst...students look to their teachers, literally. Thirty pairs of eyes stare at you, asking, "Now what do we do?" The truth is, we're not trained to handle something like this, big or small. There's no manual for what to do when a gunman enters your school or your classroom, and if there was you wouldn't read it anyway. Teachers are just as clueless as those they teach, they're just a little better at hiding their surprise and fear.
Today, schools have evacuation plans for fires, thanks to Our Lady of the Angels. We have tornado drills. And now we have Intruder Plans in case someone enters the building. Just like the good old days, students are trained to crouch under their desks during a drill, except it's not during the air raid sirens. Twice a year we practice what to do when we hear, "Mr. Green, would you please come to the office?" over the intercoms. During the drills kids laugh and giggle just like they do durind a fire drill. "That won't happen here. That won't happen to us." OLA was 50 years ago, Columbine was 10, and Virginia Tech and NIU were college shootings. There's no reason to think that could happen to them.
What we lost 10 years ago was more than 13 (15) young lives. We lost our sense of security. We lost our school safety. On April 20th, 1999, we all walked into school safe and unaware. On April 21st, we entered scared and confused and unsure of one another. We eyed each other sideways and wondered if this kid was capable of the same kind of rage that took 13 lives. We lost our trust in one another and our trust in the system. We lost the ability to walk into a building and not be subject to a metal detector or bag search. Sometimes I wonder about bringing a child into this world. How will I be able to explain Columbine and Virginia Tech and NIU so they know exactly how tragic they were? How will I be able to tell them that I still cry and I still get chills? How will I be able to explain that when they leave the confines of my car I'll want to reach out and take them back, afraid for their safety? I'll get an eyeroll and a "Sheesh, lighten up, will you?!" (because they'll be paying back the childhood karma I so eagerly sowed) and I'll have to let go and pray that their generation will get it right because mine could not.
Columbine, Oklahoma City, NIU, 9/11, Virginia Tech.....all events that will be ancient history to my kids. I'll never be able to explain the fear and confusion we felt those days. They'll never know what we lost and they'll never know a world where Columbine doesn't mean "massacre". In the same way I've never known a world without fire drills and tornado drills, I suppose. I remember my dad telling me about OLA and the pale, sad expression that crossed his face. I could tell that it was something horrible and sad, but when he told me it was in 1958, I brushed it off as ancient history. I never thought about the hug my dad got from his mother when he got home from school that day. I never thought about my dad being a scared little boy walking into school afraid he'd be burned to death before the bell rang. I never thought that such a traumatic event would affect my dad so much that he chose a career in public safety so he could help save those in danger. Did Columbine shape me? Did Columbine decide my fate as a teacher, even from hundreds of miles away? Is Columbine my OLA?
A few years ago, my family and I traveled to Colorado. I can't remember why we were driving around, but somehow we ended up in Littleton and drove right past Columbine High School. It was July and the sun was setting. It was so peaceful and quiet. The building was dark. It was two years later, before 9/11 and before our world changed again. It was so strange. In a million years, I never would have suspected that this beautiful building filled with white bread and suburban families would have been the scene of such a horrific tragedy. The campus was pristine and I'm not sure why but I expected something more, even 2 years after the fact. The only pictures of Columbine I had ever seen involved terrified students and a SWAT team. I guess it's kind of like seeing a nun without her veil--you know in your head that the visions you have are a little muddled and not quite clear, but when you see the truth you're more than surprised.
On that quiet, warm night in Littleton, I felt a little chill. I couldn't believe that I was looking at the same place I'd seen on TV for weeks and weeks. It was silent and empty. It was nothing like I expected. It wasn't something I was ready to see. It had been 2 years, but it still wasn't resolved. No one had anymore answers than they did on April 21st, 1999. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.
Today, more than anyone else, I am praying for Dylan and Eric's families. While Dylan and Eric killed 13 innocent people, their families lost a beloved child as well. Not only that, but they have to live knowing that their child hurt so much that they had to make others hurt as well. They have different memories of the cold, unflinching young men we see on surveilance tape. They remember small fingers and toes on the day they were born and a smiling, happy toddler. They remember young boys who gave them hugs and kisses each day. The rest of the nation remembers two cold-hearted young men, and they remember two beautiful baby boys.
We lost a lot that day, and we've lost more since then. In trying to make our world and our schools a safer place we've lost our confidence and trust in one another. We've lost the safety that comes with schools. We've put all our faith in paperwork and surveilance cameras and grief counselors. We keep hoping another generation will make it better. I don't know that we are, but we keep trying. Maybe we do it in memory of the fallen, maybe we do it for ourselves. I don't know that it matters, but education is our best tool. Maybe repetition IS key. Maybe if we keep reminding one another what happened and what we lost, it will finally stop happening.
Bad News
It's not totally what you think. I found out over the weekend that my boss's husband was very ill. He's been sick for a number of years, and around this time last year got very sick. My boss was pretty much absent for the rest of the school year. I was surprised to hear that he took a sudden turn over the weekend and I found out this morning that he passed away last night.
Of course my thoughts and prayers are with my boss and her family at this time, and my boss is out of the office until further notice. I'm so sorry for her loss. I can't imagine losing your partner of 30+ years, no matter how long they've been ill.
Personally, I'm frustrated. I was supposed to be finding out--right now, actually--if I had a job for the coming year or not. I feel bad and selfish, because I know my boss would be here if she could. I know that she's not bailing on us--she's got the best/worst reason for not being here today and this week. I just hate not knowing one way or the other.
Today has just been a crazy and long day already. I'm not looking forward to a week of this if this is how it's gonna be! I had forgotten how crazy the last weeks of school are. There are only 7 weeks left, but in actuality it's 5. Our grades are due about a week and a half before the end of the year, so I feel kind of like a babysitter at the very end. I wish that we could turn our grades in after the last day of school so all the behavior and wrap-up work would count for something.
On top of all the bad news about my boss, I paired up kids in 7th grade for a project, and two boys I paired up threw a minor tantrum. Seriously. It didn't hit me until a little later that they're both only children to the nth degree. In my opinion they're pretty spoiled and they do not share well. I paired them up because one is a little more focused than the other; the second student tends to sit and let his classmates do the work while he takes the credit. I figured it'd be a good exercise for them in learning to work with people they don't like. Unfortunately, they just weren't handling it well and they pitched a major fit and I couldn't even get through the rest of the partnerships.
I spoke with them privately and hated to do it but gave them an ultimatum: prove to me today that you can work well together or you wil be separated and will work alone in different classrooms until the project is finished. They had one chance to prove to me that they could work together. Surprisingly, they actually managed to work together, not terribly well but well enough for today. I'll still need to speak with one or two parents, I'm sure (yuck), but I probably won't have to make any calls for another few days.
In other news, I'd forgotten how neurotic 5th graders are. Holy Mother of Mercy!!! Every little thing is a big deal to them. Seriously. The 5th grade teacher sent 8 kids in to finish their reports; apparently she only wanted to send 6 but 2 extra came along for the party. One of the girls who said she was "one of the first six" just kept whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiining about it! "The teacher only sent six! There are eight people in here! The teacher only sent siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix!" Holy moly. I'm slowly losing my patience for the small, silly stuff. If no one's bleeding, screaming, crying, being attacked by zombies, or being poked in the eye with a sharp implement, it's "NOT A BIG DEAL!" That's my mantra right now. I'm considering posting it at the front of my classroom just so everyone can understand that life isn't to be taken quite so seriously. Chill, man...you'll get your eraser back momentarily.
Of course my thoughts and prayers are with my boss and her family at this time, and my boss is out of the office until further notice. I'm so sorry for her loss. I can't imagine losing your partner of 30+ years, no matter how long they've been ill.
Personally, I'm frustrated. I was supposed to be finding out--right now, actually--if I had a job for the coming year or not. I feel bad and selfish, because I know my boss would be here if she could. I know that she's not bailing on us--she's got the best/worst reason for not being here today and this week. I just hate not knowing one way or the other.
Today has just been a crazy and long day already. I'm not looking forward to a week of this if this is how it's gonna be! I had forgotten how crazy the last weeks of school are. There are only 7 weeks left, but in actuality it's 5. Our grades are due about a week and a half before the end of the year, so I feel kind of like a babysitter at the very end. I wish that we could turn our grades in after the last day of school so all the behavior and wrap-up work would count for something.
On top of all the bad news about my boss, I paired up kids in 7th grade for a project, and two boys I paired up threw a minor tantrum. Seriously. It didn't hit me until a little later that they're both only children to the nth degree. In my opinion they're pretty spoiled and they do not share well. I paired them up because one is a little more focused than the other; the second student tends to sit and let his classmates do the work while he takes the credit. I figured it'd be a good exercise for them in learning to work with people they don't like. Unfortunately, they just weren't handling it well and they pitched a major fit and I couldn't even get through the rest of the partnerships.
I spoke with them privately and hated to do it but gave them an ultimatum: prove to me today that you can work well together or you wil be separated and will work alone in different classrooms until the project is finished. They had one chance to prove to me that they could work together. Surprisingly, they actually managed to work together, not terribly well but well enough for today. I'll still need to speak with one or two parents, I'm sure (yuck), but I probably won't have to make any calls for another few days.
In other news, I'd forgotten how neurotic 5th graders are. Holy Mother of Mercy!!! Every little thing is a big deal to them. Seriously. The 5th grade teacher sent 8 kids in to finish their reports; apparently she only wanted to send 6 but 2 extra came along for the party. One of the girls who said she was "one of the first six" just kept whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiining about it! "The teacher only sent six! There are eight people in here! The teacher only sent siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix!" Holy moly. I'm slowly losing my patience for the small, silly stuff. If no one's bleeding, screaming, crying, being attacked by zombies, or being poked in the eye with a sharp implement, it's "NOT A BIG DEAL!" That's my mantra right now. I'm considering posting it at the front of my classroom just so everyone can understand that life isn't to be taken quite so seriously. Chill, man...you'll get your eraser back momentarily.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
The Day Before
What a week! It was a glorious, glorious week. I slept in, wore my pajamas all day on Monday, went for a few runs...fantastic!!!
I absolutely do not want to go back tomorrow. I could easily take another week of this! It makes me hopeful, though. Seven more weeks left until we're free! Seven weeks is nuthin'!!! Seven weeks is a dream, especially considering that we came from record freezes in January and February. Bring it on!!!
I'm especially looking forward to being able to ride my bike to and from work during the warm weather. I wasn't able to last year, and it'll be great to save a little gas (and a little money) by not taking the car everyday. I just hope I can find a place to store it where it's away from little (and big) hands and isn't in the way.
Welp, I need to get a lot done before tomorrow, so off I go!
I absolutely do not want to go back tomorrow. I could easily take another week of this! It makes me hopeful, though. Seven more weeks left until we're free! Seven weeks is nuthin'!!! Seven weeks is a dream, especially considering that we came from record freezes in January and February. Bring it on!!!
I'm especially looking forward to being able to ride my bike to and from work during the warm weather. I wasn't able to last year, and it'll be great to save a little gas (and a little money) by not taking the car everyday. I just hope I can find a place to store it where it's away from little (and big) hands and isn't in the way.
Welp, I need to get a lot done before tomorrow, so off I go!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Interesting realization
I'd actually come to this conclusion long ago, and it might even be offensive to some, but I'm willing to share it here and see who comments (or doesn't).
Teaching is what keeps me from wanting kids. As long as I'm a teacher, I will not have a child (on purpose).
Allow me to explain.
I love kids, I really do. But being around them allllll daaaaaaaaaaaaaay is a workout in itself. I can't spend all day with kids and then go home and give my kids the attention they deserve. It's just not gonna happen. I'm too exhausted by the end of the school day to come home and play with a toddler.
I'm sure that if the situation presented itself I'd feel differently. From what I've heard, most moms count the hours so they can get back to their little ones and resent that they aren't the SAHM they never wanted to be until now. And when it's your child, almost every movement and sound is precious, and not the obnoxious moans and movements made by an 8th grader who's been ready to graduate since July.
However, at this moment in time, I really think that teaching has kept me from wanting to get knocked up. When I come home, it's quiet. It's a glorious, wonderful quiet. Just the low hum of the fish tank and the rumble of the trains rolling by. My oh my is it wonderful!
I'm sure the time will come when teaching just won't keep those pangs at bay and then I'll have some serious decisions to make. (or heck! Maybe they'll have been made for me!) Do I want to wake up with a child, go to work and be surrounded by hundreds of kids, go home to another one or two, and fall asleep only to wake up 2 hours later to feed a child?
To me, that sounds like hell. But that's rightnow. Maybe someday rightnow will fade into backthen and rightnow will mean Iwantababyrightnow. Hell, it almost has to, right? Just about all the married teachers at my school have kids, and some have grandkids. AND they're still teaching! That says something, doesn't it? It says you love your job, and you love it so much that you're willing to keep going despite all the worries that float through your mind. It says that determination can help you do a lot. It says that teaching kids can't keep having your own kids on the backburner forever. And to me, it says that even though you're around kids all the time, the desire to have your own is greater than all the evidence that tells you to close up shop and give up that little pipe dream.
I don't know. All I do know is that when the quiet that waits for me when I get home is pure, unadulterated bliss. Or is that unachilderated? Whatever. Bliss is bliss.
Teaching is what keeps me from wanting kids. As long as I'm a teacher, I will not have a child (on purpose).
Allow me to explain.
I love kids, I really do. But being around them allllll daaaaaaaaaaaaaay is a workout in itself. I can't spend all day with kids and then go home and give my kids the attention they deserve. It's just not gonna happen. I'm too exhausted by the end of the school day to come home and play with a toddler.
I'm sure that if the situation presented itself I'd feel differently. From what I've heard, most moms count the hours so they can get back to their little ones and resent that they aren't the SAHM they never wanted to be until now. And when it's your child, almost every movement and sound is precious, and not the obnoxious moans and movements made by an 8th grader who's been ready to graduate since July.
However, at this moment in time, I really think that teaching has kept me from wanting to get knocked up. When I come home, it's quiet. It's a glorious, wonderful quiet. Just the low hum of the fish tank and the rumble of the trains rolling by. My oh my is it wonderful!
I'm sure the time will come when teaching just won't keep those pangs at bay and then I'll have some serious decisions to make. (or heck! Maybe they'll have been made for me!) Do I want to wake up with a child, go to work and be surrounded by hundreds of kids, go home to another one or two, and fall asleep only to wake up 2 hours later to feed a child?
To me, that sounds like hell. But that's rightnow. Maybe someday rightnow will fade into backthen and rightnow will mean Iwantababyrightnow. Hell, it almost has to, right? Just about all the married teachers at my school have kids, and some have grandkids. AND they're still teaching! That says something, doesn't it? It says you love your job, and you love it so much that you're willing to keep going despite all the worries that float through your mind. It says that determination can help you do a lot. It says that teaching kids can't keep having your own kids on the backburner forever. And to me, it says that even though you're around kids all the time, the desire to have your own is greater than all the evidence that tells you to close up shop and give up that little pipe dream.
I don't know. All I do know is that when the quiet that waits for me when I get home is pure, unadulterated bliss. Or is that unachilderated? Whatever. Bliss is bliss.
The morning after.
I. Am. Ex. Austed.
My last 2.5 hours of conferences actually flew by, but not in the 'fun' sense. They were busy and fast and WEIRD.
For example, I had a mom come see me about her daughter's B-. Really? I don't know...maybe I've been teaching there too long, but a B- is NUTHIN'. I've seen parents praise their kids for a B-, and I've seen them say "B- in COMPUTERS? But you're on the computer all day! How'd you get a B-?"
(Note to parents: just because your kid can turn on the damn computer doesn't mean that they are proficient, nor does it mean they're turning in the work they're assigned.)
Anyway, this mom comes to see me, and I'd never seen this woman before in my life. Most of the time, that's a good thing. If you don't need to see parents, their kids are generally pretty swell. So Mom comes in and asks if she can speak to me about Linda's* grade. I said okay, but I had to ask which Linda, because there are about 10 of them in the school. We have to call them by their first name and last initial...Linda R.......Linda G.......Linda A.....Linda S.....
Mom turns around, says something in Spanish, and in walks Linda. I laughed.
This particular Linda is probably the one kid in that class I don't worry about. I'd never met her mom, but you just knew that her mom was riding her and not only asking if she did her homework, but checking up on her and actuallying doing her homework with her. This mom knows what happens everyday, who her teachers are, when she has gym class, and if she doesn't eat lunch by 12 she's going to get a little nauseous. She's a MOM.
I explained to her that Linda is one of the brightest in the class, but her constant talking in the last month of the quarter brought her down. When I said that, Linda made a face, Mom made a face, and Linda looked at Mom with that "Sorry! Oops...?" face. I explained that we're working on switching seats and hopefully she won't be so close to people that she's prone to talking to (but Linda's a nice kid, so she's friends with just about everyone). Mom is cooperative and put the blame fully on her daughter, and her daughter is a good kid; very cooperative, attentive, and bright. One of the ones you really enjoy having in class.
My next conference was pretty sucky. I happened upon it by accident, actually. I was walking downstairs to find another parent and found one I'd requested a conference with last time but it didn't happen. This was the kind of conference that was emotionally draining, really. Single parent with a kid who's pretty much out of control. She didn't make excuses for her kids but admitted that she didn't know how to handle things and was getting really stressed out. I felt for her but that conference lasted until 7:30 p.m. and the day ended at 7:00. Yeesh. I packed up my crap and ran out as fast as I could after that one.
I'm so glad I'm finally on break. I love that I can relax and stay in my pjs all day if I want. I LOVE that I don't have to think about working until next week.
And once we get back: 7 more weeks!
My last 2.5 hours of conferences actually flew by, but not in the 'fun' sense. They were busy and fast and WEIRD.
For example, I had a mom come see me about her daughter's B-. Really? I don't know...maybe I've been teaching there too long, but a B- is NUTHIN'. I've seen parents praise their kids for a B-, and I've seen them say "B- in COMPUTERS? But you're on the computer all day! How'd you get a B-?"
(Note to parents: just because your kid can turn on the damn computer doesn't mean that they are proficient, nor does it mean they're turning in the work they're assigned.)
Anyway, this mom comes to see me, and I'd never seen this woman before in my life. Most of the time, that's a good thing. If you don't need to see parents, their kids are generally pretty swell. So Mom comes in and asks if she can speak to me about Linda's* grade. I said okay, but I had to ask which Linda, because there are about 10 of them in the school. We have to call them by their first name and last initial...Linda R.......Linda G.......Linda A.....Linda S.....
Mom turns around, says something in Spanish, and in walks Linda. I laughed.
This particular Linda is probably the one kid in that class I don't worry about. I'd never met her mom, but you just knew that her mom was riding her and not only asking if she did her homework, but checking up on her and actuallying doing her homework with her. This mom knows what happens everyday, who her teachers are, when she has gym class, and if she doesn't eat lunch by 12 she's going to get a little nauseous. She's a MOM.
I explained to her that Linda is one of the brightest in the class, but her constant talking in the last month of the quarter brought her down. When I said that, Linda made a face, Mom made a face, and Linda looked at Mom with that "Sorry! Oops...?" face. I explained that we're working on switching seats and hopefully she won't be so close to people that she's prone to talking to (but Linda's a nice kid, so she's friends with just about everyone). Mom is cooperative and put the blame fully on her daughter, and her daughter is a good kid; very cooperative, attentive, and bright. One of the ones you really enjoy having in class.
My next conference was pretty sucky. I happened upon it by accident, actually. I was walking downstairs to find another parent and found one I'd requested a conference with last time but it didn't happen. This was the kind of conference that was emotionally draining, really. Single parent with a kid who's pretty much out of control. She didn't make excuses for her kids but admitted that she didn't know how to handle things and was getting really stressed out. I felt for her but that conference lasted until 7:30 p.m. and the day ended at 7:00. Yeesh. I packed up my crap and ran out as fast as I could after that one.
I'm so glad I'm finally on break. I love that I can relax and stay in my pjs all day if I want. I LOVE that I don't have to think about working until next week.
And once we get back: 7 more weeks!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Three more hours
We've reached the halfway point in conferences and I'm totally ready to go home. I've played with the website, talked to 2 parents, and I'm done. I want to go home, put on my jammies, drink some wine, and watch someone get kicked off Idol. Is that so wrong?
Two and a quarter hours, 2 conferences done.
Out of 220+ students. Oy.
The last one was a disappointing one. One of those "kid failed just about everything and tried to make excuses" with an angry parent. However, the parent wasn't angry at the teachers, but at his kid and at the situation.
I hope things change, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Isn't that sad? I feel like behavior is playing too major a factor with this kid. He allows himself to get too distracted and enjoys being the center of attention. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.
Part of me wants them to promote him so he doesn't mess up the good things going on in the incoming class. Part of me wants them to retain him; he probably should have been retained at a previous school and wasn't, and now he's ahead of the pack with his social skills and he'd reeeeeeeeally stick out in that class. Academically however, he's way behind. I don't know, but maybe that's the swift kick he needs.
The last one was a disappointing one. One of those "kid failed just about everything and tried to make excuses" with an angry parent. However, the parent wasn't angry at the teachers, but at his kid and at the situation.
I hope things change, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Isn't that sad? I feel like behavior is playing too major a factor with this kid. He allows himself to get too distracted and enjoys being the center of attention. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.
Part of me wants them to promote him so he doesn't mess up the good things going on in the incoming class. Part of me wants them to retain him; he probably should have been retained at a previous school and wasn't, and now he's ahead of the pack with his social skills and he'd reeeeeeeeally stick out in that class. Academically however, he's way behind. I don't know, but maybe that's the swift kick he needs.
First conference! New record!
I just finished meeting with two parents and two students (siblings) at 1:50! I never get anyone in the first hour. Holy miracle!
My favorite line in each conference is, "Oh! I didn't know about the school website!" or "Oh! I didn't know you post all your assignments on the website!" Having the work posted online pretty much makes the "he didn't know about it" argument null and void. I can't really make it easier for parents and students to know what they're doing in class all. the. time. If Jr. didn't 'know' about it, Jr.'s probably playing you.
But still, it's a nice feature to have. Once I point to my class page and they see they can check in on it at anytime, it's pretty fab. They usually stop demanding answers from me and start demanding that Jr. fess up and admit that they just got lazy.
Technology. It's a beautiful thing.
My favorite line in each conference is, "Oh! I didn't know about the school website!" or "Oh! I didn't know you post all your assignments on the website!" Having the work posted online pretty much makes the "he didn't know about it" argument null and void. I can't really make it easier for parents and students to know what they're doing in class all. the. time. If Jr. didn't 'know' about it, Jr.'s probably playing you.
But still, it's a nice feature to have. Once I point to my class page and they see they can check in on it at anytime, it's pretty fab. They usually stop demanding answers from me and start demanding that Jr. fess up and admit that they just got lazy.
Technology. It's a beautiful thing.
And so it begins....
Students got out of school at 11:30, and it's now 1:05 p.m. Central Time. Conferences have begun. Bring it on!!!
My first conference (I'm sitting in) is at 2:40. I wonder if I'll see anyone between now and then.
My first conference (I'm sitting in) is at 2:40. I wonder if I'll see anyone between now and then.
Conferences tonight!
I'm anticipating a slow evening. Maybe I'll post 'Twitter-like' updates throughout the evening.
Monday, April 6, 2009
The longest days in the school year...
...are those days right before a long break. I've been counting down to Easter vacation since the end of February! I've got a countdown ready for the day we come back until June 5th. It's not necessarily a sign that we don't like our jobs, just that we're ready for a break and ready for some much needed 'me time'.
This year I don't have major plans for spring break, just taking care of some smaller tasks that I haven't made time for lately, like getting my kitchen knives sharpened and reading some smaller nonsense books I've had on my shelves for a while. I actually don't always mind reading the simpler stuff; I've found that it helps me appreciate the great stuff even more. When it comes to my spring break, I don't want to do any more thinking than necessary. I feel like my brain is reaching its critical limits here!
I don't know why these days seem long--they just do. I'm sure part of that is my own anxiousness. We've earned a nice week off, haven't we? As the kids start to lose it, so do we! I've given 2 classes assignments that are nothing more than busy work today. Sad as it is, I'm okay with that! I don't give them busy work all the time, but it's difficult trying to cram in a new lesson on their last class day, and it's even more awkward trying to reteach that lesson after they've returned from a week of sleeping and vegging on the couch. It's difficult to get myself back into the groove as it is! I don't always advocate busy work, but I give it out so rarely that the kids and I both see it as a treat.
Tomorrow and Wednesday will be worse, Wednesday especially! 4 hours of teaching followed by 6 hours of conferences! Joy of my joys! I will have to do everything in my power to keep myself from busting out of here at 7:00 p.m. Wednesday like a caged animal.
I know we'll get through it, and I'm not concerned about breaking down mentally (although my classroom printers are doing their hardest to try and send me to a padded room), it's just going to be a long few days in between now and Thursday morning.
This year I don't have major plans for spring break, just taking care of some smaller tasks that I haven't made time for lately, like getting my kitchen knives sharpened and reading some smaller nonsense books I've had on my shelves for a while. I actually don't always mind reading the simpler stuff; I've found that it helps me appreciate the great stuff even more. When it comes to my spring break, I don't want to do any more thinking than necessary. I feel like my brain is reaching its critical limits here!
I don't know why these days seem long--they just do. I'm sure part of that is my own anxiousness. We've earned a nice week off, haven't we? As the kids start to lose it, so do we! I've given 2 classes assignments that are nothing more than busy work today. Sad as it is, I'm okay with that! I don't give them busy work all the time, but it's difficult trying to cram in a new lesson on their last class day, and it's even more awkward trying to reteach that lesson after they've returned from a week of sleeping and vegging on the couch. It's difficult to get myself back into the groove as it is! I don't always advocate busy work, but I give it out so rarely that the kids and I both see it as a treat.
Tomorrow and Wednesday will be worse, Wednesday especially! 4 hours of teaching followed by 6 hours of conferences! Joy of my joys! I will have to do everything in my power to keep myself from busting out of here at 7:00 p.m. Wednesday like a caged animal.
I know we'll get through it, and I'm not concerned about breaking down mentally (although my classroom printers are doing their hardest to try and send me to a padded room), it's just going to be a long few days in between now and Thursday morning.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Another article
It must be 'interesting article day' for CNN because as soon as I logged in again, I saw this one.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/24/teddys.struggle/index.html
Food allergies are a nightmare for parents, teachers, and students. Kids with especially harsh allergies, like Teddy here, require a lot more attention to detail than your average kid with the pollen allergy. In the article, Teddy's mom states that they have to be very specific with his teachers and even ask that some foods be kept out of the classroom completely because exposure could cause him to go into shock or even resperatory distress.
Kids are strange creatures. They often know what they can and can't have but their selective memory kicks in and suddenly they've forgotten that they're allergic to chocolate, and OOPS! Here come the itchy hives and sneezing. At my last school, we had a mass/assembly with students from another school. At mass, the priest blew up a ton of balloons and started bouncing them around to different students. He even passed out balloons to students so they could help him blow them up. One of my students got so excited and distracted by the balloons that she forgot that she was allergic to latex. One inhalation from a balloon and she was itching and having trouble breathing in about 30 seconds. We all kept a few pairs of plastic gloves around in case she was bleeding and we needed to treat her; using latex gloves could have been deadly if some of it got in her blood stream
Some kids are very good about it, and even now and then you'll come across a classroom that's very understanding and empathetic and willing to bend to accomodate their classmate. If William can't have chocolate, Susan and others will bring vanilla cupcakes for their birthdays. If Anya is allergic to wheat, the kids will find a wheat-free treat to bring to school. That's so empowering and uplifting, to see kids who are all about helping one another and standing together. It's clear they've been given the right role models to look to and follow.
For teachers, it's most important when the parents are clear and upfront about allergies, even for dust or outside allergens. If a parent came to me and said that Sally was allergic to dust, I'd try a little harder to keep my classroom cleaner. If another parent came to me and said that their son Chuckie was allergic to citrus products, I'd definitely make sure to ask and remind parents to keep citrus juices and products out of our classroom for the safety of all students.
My school is supposed to provide a first aid kid to all classrooms, but as a specials teacher I've been overlooked (fairly often the case). I'm working on my own, and I've got to get some more plastic gloves, but I've got children's tylenol in there as well as some benedryl and plenty of gauze and band aids. I've never had to use any of it, thank God, but you never know.
That leads me to my next point: meds. If a student has medication that they have to take at a certain time, I'd leave it with a teacher or in the school office or with the nurse. That's not to say that kids aren't responsible enough to take care of it on their own, but sometimes kids forget if the schedule is a little different, and sometimes kids don't know that it's not okay to self-medicate if they 'need a little more'. Parents will probably need to give written permission for the school to give any kind of medication to a student. Sometimes I wish it was the 1940s again when teachers could dole out medication as necessary and parents didn't need to sign a waiver. Paperwork has clogged up the entire system, man.
Parents, teachers, and students NEED to rely on one another when dealing with allergies. Teachers can't keep an eye out for problems if they don't know, and a parent can't be angry with a teacher for not knowing what the problem is. If I know that Charlotte is allergic to milk and give her a carton anyway, sure! Get mad at me! But if I DON'T know that Charlotte is allergic to milk, I can't be held completely responsible; I can't watch out for the problem if I don't know that there is a problem. Food allergies are hard on everyone, but I firmly believe that there's a solution or compromise to be found as long as everyone is upfront at the very beginning.
If a teacher doesn't feel comfortable giving medication or dealing with meds, there has to be someone at the school who does. If a school is lucky enough to have a nurse, that person should be able to deal with anything minor or mildly major enough that comes along, and a nurse will know when an ambulance needs to be called.
I feel so bad for kids with allergies. I think that especially with something simple, like milk, kids feel as though they're the weird kid or that they're different and in a bad way. That's simple not true, as we all know. I've heard that your allergies can change and develop into deeper or weaker allergies every 7 years or so, and that allergies can fade and that new allergies can develop. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but if it is...what a blessing for parents! As a teacher I'd love to hear that Junior is no longer allergic to chocolate. As a parent, I'd be delighted if that meant I didn't have to dig through the annual Halloween Candy Haul to find what Junior can eat through all the chocolate.
Bottom line: if parents are upfront and the child is old enough to be a little vigilent, and the teacher is aware of the situation, there's no reason that the teacher and student can't have a 'normal' year. It might be a stretch for all involved, but the child deserves to have fun and the teacher can make that happen with cooperation and a little more awareness.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/24/teddys.struggle/index.html
Food allergies are a nightmare for parents, teachers, and students. Kids with especially harsh allergies, like Teddy here, require a lot more attention to detail than your average kid with the pollen allergy. In the article, Teddy's mom states that they have to be very specific with his teachers and even ask that some foods be kept out of the classroom completely because exposure could cause him to go into shock or even resperatory distress.
Kids are strange creatures. They often know what they can and can't have but their selective memory kicks in and suddenly they've forgotten that they're allergic to chocolate, and OOPS! Here come the itchy hives and sneezing. At my last school, we had a mass/assembly with students from another school. At mass, the priest blew up a ton of balloons and started bouncing them around to different students. He even passed out balloons to students so they could help him blow them up. One of my students got so excited and distracted by the balloons that she forgot that she was allergic to latex. One inhalation from a balloon and she was itching and having trouble breathing in about 30 seconds. We all kept a few pairs of plastic gloves around in case she was bleeding and we needed to treat her; using latex gloves could have been deadly if some of it got in her blood stream
Some kids are very good about it, and even now and then you'll come across a classroom that's very understanding and empathetic and willing to bend to accomodate their classmate. If William can't have chocolate, Susan and others will bring vanilla cupcakes for their birthdays. If Anya is allergic to wheat, the kids will find a wheat-free treat to bring to school. That's so empowering and uplifting, to see kids who are all about helping one another and standing together. It's clear they've been given the right role models to look to and follow.
For teachers, it's most important when the parents are clear and upfront about allergies, even for dust or outside allergens. If a parent came to me and said that Sally was allergic to dust, I'd try a little harder to keep my classroom cleaner. If another parent came to me and said that their son Chuckie was allergic to citrus products, I'd definitely make sure to ask and remind parents to keep citrus juices and products out of our classroom for the safety of all students.
My school is supposed to provide a first aid kid to all classrooms, but as a specials teacher I've been overlooked (fairly often the case). I'm working on my own, and I've got to get some more plastic gloves, but I've got children's tylenol in there as well as some benedryl and plenty of gauze and band aids. I've never had to use any of it, thank God, but you never know.
That leads me to my next point: meds. If a student has medication that they have to take at a certain time, I'd leave it with a teacher or in the school office or with the nurse. That's not to say that kids aren't responsible enough to take care of it on their own, but sometimes kids forget if the schedule is a little different, and sometimes kids don't know that it's not okay to self-medicate if they 'need a little more'. Parents will probably need to give written permission for the school to give any kind of medication to a student. Sometimes I wish it was the 1940s again when teachers could dole out medication as necessary and parents didn't need to sign a waiver. Paperwork has clogged up the entire system, man.
Parents, teachers, and students NEED to rely on one another when dealing with allergies. Teachers can't keep an eye out for problems if they don't know, and a parent can't be angry with a teacher for not knowing what the problem is. If I know that Charlotte is allergic to milk and give her a carton anyway, sure! Get mad at me! But if I DON'T know that Charlotte is allergic to milk, I can't be held completely responsible; I can't watch out for the problem if I don't know that there is a problem. Food allergies are hard on everyone, but I firmly believe that there's a solution or compromise to be found as long as everyone is upfront at the very beginning.
If a teacher doesn't feel comfortable giving medication or dealing with meds, there has to be someone at the school who does. If a school is lucky enough to have a nurse, that person should be able to deal with anything minor or mildly major enough that comes along, and a nurse will know when an ambulance needs to be called.
I feel so bad for kids with allergies. I think that especially with something simple, like milk, kids feel as though they're the weird kid or that they're different and in a bad way. That's simple not true, as we all know. I've heard that your allergies can change and develop into deeper or weaker allergies every 7 years or so, and that allergies can fade and that new allergies can develop. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but if it is...what a blessing for parents! As a teacher I'd love to hear that Junior is no longer allergic to chocolate. As a parent, I'd be delighted if that meant I didn't have to dig through the annual Halloween Candy Haul to find what Junior can eat through all the chocolate.
Bottom line: if parents are upfront and the child is old enough to be a little vigilent, and the teacher is aware of the situation, there's no reason that the teacher and student can't have a 'normal' year. It might be a stretch for all involved, but the child deserves to have fun and the teacher can make that happen with cooperation and a little more awareness.
Interesting article
I found this article on CNN.com today and it was really interesting. There's a lot of talk about what hormones can do to a kid and when they kick in. It seems to me as though hormones are more active in the spring and summer, but that's just me.
I found the age ranges attached to certain physical changes to be spot on. I've noticed a number of girls in some of the middle grades struggling to catch up with their bodies, and naturally the junior high boys and girls are every which way but loose. Oh, and the smell factor? Yeesh. I've started spraying my classroom a lot more than I used to after the younger kids leave. Yikes!
It's definitely interesting reading.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/01/parenting.when.puberty.hits/index.html
I found the age ranges attached to certain physical changes to be spot on. I've noticed a number of girls in some of the middle grades struggling to catch up with their bodies, and naturally the junior high boys and girls are every which way but loose. Oh, and the smell factor? Yeesh. I've started spraying my classroom a lot more than I used to after the younger kids leave. Yikes!
It's definitely interesting reading.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/01/parenting.when.puberty.hits/index.html
A disclaimer
I came to the realization last night that I probably sound like Negative Nancy in my last few blog posts. I don't mean to. I really do enjoy my job and I love working with the kids. I tend to get burned out this time of year and I get frustrated by the lack of care that the kids start to show.
It's hard when you feel like you're up against the world. Sometimes I start to wonder if there's any good reason to not just hand out As for everyone and call it a day. I have to admit I'm frightened of parents and students who get angry with me. If they were really mad at me, all they'd have to do is go to the authorities and say I did or said something that I really didn't do and my career is over. Forget my job, something truly horiffic could wreck the rest of my life! I might as well save myself and give everyone an A just to protect myself.
But, that being said, I really don't hate my job. I'm just getting a little burned out and I need some time off to clear my head and remember that I LIKE what I'm doing!
It's hard when you feel like you're up against the world. Sometimes I start to wonder if there's any good reason to not just hand out As for everyone and call it a day. I have to admit I'm frightened of parents and students who get angry with me. If they were really mad at me, all they'd have to do is go to the authorities and say I did or said something that I really didn't do and my career is over. Forget my job, something truly horiffic could wreck the rest of my life! I might as well save myself and give everyone an A just to protect myself.
But, that being said, I really don't hate my job. I'm just getting a little burned out and I need some time off to clear my head and remember that I LIKE what I'm doing!
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