Flu season--H1N1 or seasonal--has hit my school like a mack truck on a mission. The last few days have been ridiculous in terms of the number of students missing.
Each Fall we always get a ton of kids who have the sniffles or colds and coughs. It happens when the weather turns and when the air gets damp. Colds just appear, kinda like morning fog. This year it's another story altogether. We have a ton of kids out sick with flu-like symptoms. Thirteen from just one class were out on Friday, and 18 are missing from a class of 26 today. Unbelievable.
I've officially become known as The Germ Nazi by my older students. As soon as one class leaves I start wiping down desks and spraying keyboards. In previous years I've only had to do it at the end of the day or between classes when I have an hour or two of nothing, but this year I'm not taking any chances. My room is a germ-free zone and I intend to keep it that way!
We've been taking precautions as a school: reminding kids to wash their hands with soap and water, giving them hand sanitizer after using the handrails, covering mouths with tissues when they cough and sneeze, and just being digilent about washing down frequently touched surfaces. It won't solve the problem completely, but it will keep it at bay for a little while longer. Hell, if I can make it to Parent-Teacher Conferences without feeling like I'm on death's doorstep, I'll consider it a victory. That's only 2 weeks, 4 days from now. I CAN DO IT!!!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Ah, progress reports
I am of the belief that the progress report is a brilliant and senseless invention on the part of the educational system.
It exists to show students and parents where a child stands halfway through the quarter and if they can raise their grade or if it will slip if a student continues to keep up their current pattern of behavior. In theory it's a piece of genius. In actuality a student's grade can go from an A to an F in 5 weeks if they really want it to, so a student who has an A at progress reports might not keep it come report cards.
For teachers, they're helpful because you'll notice a student struggling and then the entire quarter isn't a complete wash, but at the same time they're pretty time consuming. Not as time consuming as, say, report cards, but they still require a lot of effort. You need to add up grades and decide where a student is and if they're in danger of slipping. You also need to write up behavior notes for particular students, and some parents request that their child get a progress report no matter what, so you need to make sure you don't miss those kids.
And for those in my position, you need to track down the teachers and give them grades ASAP. You might get lucky and then there are some who have grades done 2 weeks before they're due, thus rendering your comments and hard work completely pointless.
As a parent, I'd look forward to getting a progress report. As a teacher, I usually want one or two more weeks to crank them out. However, in the first quarter we're all a little more motivated, so getting them done is a chore, but then it's over and you can move on to the next lesson. In the 4h quarter, you have to complete your grades and then come up with about a week's worth of lessons and homework to keep them busy and working and on their toes as long as possible. And lemme tell ya, it's not easy once the warm weather sets in and you see the sun for the first time in ages. The kids are climbing the walls to get out, and the teachers aren't far behind.
::sigh:: Back to the grind. Three classes done, 3 more to go.
It exists to show students and parents where a child stands halfway through the quarter and if they can raise their grade or if it will slip if a student continues to keep up their current pattern of behavior. In theory it's a piece of genius. In actuality a student's grade can go from an A to an F in 5 weeks if they really want it to, so a student who has an A at progress reports might not keep it come report cards.
For teachers, they're helpful because you'll notice a student struggling and then the entire quarter isn't a complete wash, but at the same time they're pretty time consuming. Not as time consuming as, say, report cards, but they still require a lot of effort. You need to add up grades and decide where a student is and if they're in danger of slipping. You also need to write up behavior notes for particular students, and some parents request that their child get a progress report no matter what, so you need to make sure you don't miss those kids.
And for those in my position, you need to track down the teachers and give them grades ASAP. You might get lucky and then there are some who have grades done 2 weeks before they're due, thus rendering your comments and hard work completely pointless.
As a parent, I'd look forward to getting a progress report. As a teacher, I usually want one or two more weeks to crank them out. However, in the first quarter we're all a little more motivated, so getting them done is a chore, but then it's over and you can move on to the next lesson. In the 4h quarter, you have to complete your grades and then come up with about a week's worth of lessons and homework to keep them busy and working and on their toes as long as possible. And lemme tell ya, it's not easy once the warm weather sets in and you see the sun for the first time in ages. The kids are climbing the walls to get out, and the teachers aren't far behind.
::sigh:: Back to the grind. Three classes done, 3 more to go.
Friday, September 4, 2009
What. A. Long. Week.
Seriously. It's Friday! Friday! Yippee!
Not that I don't enjoy my job, but after this week I'm looking forward to the weekend so much. I haven't been sleeping well lately so I've been off my game this week, and I started the week off a little uneasy because of my "unpleasantness" last week. Yesterday was especially rough because I hadn't slept well, so the whole day felt long and it took me a while to get myself ready, even once I'd made it to the office and fired up my laptop.
I slept last night, and boy did I sleep hard! I'm so glad I did, too. It's before 9:00 and I'm thinking clearly and have a game plan and to do list for today! It wasn't until noonish that I looked at my desk and realized I had no idea what my plan was for the day. Unfortunately I'm behind as a result of that, but since I'm actually awake this morning I'm not uncomfortable with the amount of work that lays before me.
And Monday is Labor Day. WOO. HOO. I'd always appreciated this holiday as a day off from school. It was one more day where I could sleep in and ignore my homework and go get coffee. As a card-carrying adult, I REALLY appreciate this day. Yes, it's day off and I still get the same perks and benefits as before, but it's so much nicer to sleep in and be able to take a day off knowing it's a day meant to give hard working people a bit of a break. Now if only we could get the school's calendar to start after Labor Day....
Not that I don't enjoy my job, but after this week I'm looking forward to the weekend so much. I haven't been sleeping well lately so I've been off my game this week, and I started the week off a little uneasy because of my "unpleasantness" last week. Yesterday was especially rough because I hadn't slept well, so the whole day felt long and it took me a while to get myself ready, even once I'd made it to the office and fired up my laptop.
I slept last night, and boy did I sleep hard! I'm so glad I did, too. It's before 9:00 and I'm thinking clearly and have a game plan and to do list for today! It wasn't until noonish that I looked at my desk and realized I had no idea what my plan was for the day. Unfortunately I'm behind as a result of that, but since I'm actually awake this morning I'm not uncomfortable with the amount of work that lays before me.
And Monday is Labor Day. WOO. HOO. I'd always appreciated this holiday as a day off from school. It was one more day where I could sleep in and ignore my homework and go get coffee. As a card-carrying adult, I REALLY appreciate this day. Yes, it's day off and I still get the same perks and benefits as before, but it's so much nicer to sleep in and be able to take a day off knowing it's a day meant to give hard working people a bit of a break. Now if only we could get the school's calendar to start after Labor Day....
Monday, August 31, 2009
A recap of sorts
Oy. That pretty much sums up the last week. It's been an oy kind of week.
If life works out splendidly for me, I'm going back to grad school full time. If life works out unsplendidly for me, I'm going to work here full time next year (provided I can) and go to school part-time. I DON'T want to take out loans to do it, but I will if I have to. I don't want to wait much longer or I'll be starting a family sometime after I'm 30, and while I'm okay with that, I think I might be the only one. My husband doesn't want to wait that long (neither do I) and in order for us to start a family sooner rather than later, I need to go to grad school. I can't put off doing what I want to do forever, or I'll never do it and always regret that I did it.
Anyway...the last few days.
I've got posts of Monday and Tuesday up, so you can read those for yourself. Tuesdays classes were okay. I enjoyed meeting the new kids and getting used to a new routine. I had fun introducing them to a new set of skills. I made another kid cry on Tuesday, but I've accepted the fact that I'll always make kids cry. Whatever.
I wasn't ready for work on Monday, but that was fine with me. I'm never ready on the first day and I never have to be. I was, however, ready for my first class on Tuesday. I've been ready since then. I didn't push myself to be ready either, because I knew I had another 24 hours to get ready.
On Wednesday, I got to school and checked my email. About 10 minutes before I meet the 5th grade for the first time, I read an email from my boss. It was, to say the least, jarring.
I won't C&P the email here, but it definitely wasn't worded well. Basically, it stated that I've been scattered and "brusque an curt" with my coworkers and that I seemed unhappy here. Also, it stated that my "leaving at 3:30" made my boss wonder how well I was handling the new job description. It ended with, "Please see me."
To say that I almost lost it right then and there doesn't even come close. I started shaking and tearing up. But I obviously didn't have time to see my boss right then and there. I had 10 minutes to shake myself straight before I met the 5th grade.
Well, that didn't happen. I plugged through that class. I was okay with the 6th grade. By the end of the morning I had managed to forget that my boss was pissed at me and I was able to get through my morning.
Rather than go see my boss right away, I chose to see her at the end of the day. I had no idea what to even expect, so I busied myself in "my office" and managed to do a little more to occupy myself. When I was ready, I pulled together 10 pages of press releases, letters, and other things I'd worked on in just 2 afternoons. I made copies and brought them down with me. I figured that if my boss was going to tell me that I "wasn't handling" the job well that I could throw down those 10 pages and say, "You want MORE than this in just 2 days?" Sure 10 pages is nothing for a marketing director at a firm, but our school is a small operation. 10 pages is pretty damn good for 2 afternoons.
Anyway, my boss told me that 2 of my colleagues and 2 parents came to her and told her ON MONDAY AFTERNOON that I didn't seem happy and I wasn't smiling and blah blah blah. That's when I lost it. First of all, I told my boss that I'd been trying to get myself settled in my office and get myself ready for the week. I was unable to do that in part because my colleagues kept finding me for tech problems. One such colleague started bothering me a week before because she'd managed to unplug every cord in her classroom and completely disconnected herself from the network. Then she wanted to be online AT THAT MOMENT and got disgruntled when I couldn't help her. She chose to bother me all. freaking. day. on Monday until she got her way. When she didn't, she ran to my boss to tell her I was "unhappy" and "mean". At least, that's what I suspect. As for another colleague, my boss has the tendency to find other people to either back up or refute her suspicions, so if she asked someone else who'd found me on Monday, they probably would have said the same thing.
And let me say that if I was "curt", it was probably deserved. First of all, I fixed everyone's tech issues before I could open my lesson plan book. Second, not one of them said thank you. Out of all these "colleagues" of mine, no one said thank you. Not one. Third, for whatever reason I had a killer headache on Monday and it lasted throughout the week. So yes, I wasn't happy on Monday but I really didn't see a reason to be. And I wasn't prepared, but it wasn't as if I didn't try to be or at least give off the impression that I was.
My boss was pretty surprised that no one said thank you. "Are you sure?" I told her that I'd started looking for SOMEONE to say thank you and I think I got one mumbled from a kid when I held the door open. Yeah, so exactly why should I be nice and doormatty for my coworkers when they aren't going to say thank you for putting their needs ahead of my own?
THEN I chose to address the "leaving early" issue. We (my husband and I) are a one-car family. It isn't necessarily by choice (we wouldn't be if we didn't have the car payment and if my car hadn't been stolen a year before our wedding) but it's been pretty fantastic and has worked out for the most part. Because I work further away, I take the car to work most mornings. I drop off my husband when it's raining or snowing or he has a lot to carry on a particular day. I pick him up for the same reasons. He works in the public schools, and because of all their red tape and silly rules here in Chicago, he can't legally be in his building after 4 p.m. If he is he gets kicked out, and if he chooses to stay the school and the district isn't liable for anything that happens to him after that time. It's dumb, but he's gotta get out by that time. So I HAVE to leave at 3:45 to get him. I don't have a choice.
When I explained that for my boss, I think she felt bad. I'm okay with that. The insinuation that I'm not doing my job or not handling my job is too much for me. It's one thing if I'm leaving at 3:00 and nothing's getting done. It's another if I'm leaving when I have to.
The other thing about that is that my predecessor used to leave around 3:30 everyday and no one said a word to her about it. So she left earlier and it was okay (probably because she wasn't teaching) but I stay later and it's NOT okay? B.S.
So my boss is fine with me leaving "early" now. That's a relief. If she wasn't, she'd have to deal, or I'd be taking the bus home at night, which is fine but isn't always safe in this neighborhood after dark.
But anyway....basically, my boss said that I was "frazzled" (duh...it's practically my name) and "unprepared" and that I seemed stressed. YES. I was stressed. I had to deal with my stuff, everyone else's crap, tech issues, AND find a way to be busy in that new office. So yes, I was stressed. And I was pretty okay with that until someone "tattled on me."
And yes, the whole school knows. Why? Because I work in a gossipy place. Teachers are really no better than students.
Everyone's been walking on eggshells around me for the past week. Bonus: no one's bothering me with stupid stuff. Minus: I'm pretty sure everyone now thinks I'm a ticking time bomb. The few friends (or coworkers I'm friendly with) around here have been staying away. It's possible that I inadvertently gave them the brush off last week. But here's the deal: if you're worried about me (my boss says that's the reason people approached her), why not ask ME if I'm okay? I would have been honest and said, "No, my head is killing me today." Or, "Yeah, I'm not at my best but I'll be fine tomorrow." Instead I've got to deal with damage control.
I was furious when I went home on Wednesday. I felt betrayed by my coworkers and I felt as though my boss didn't think I was doing my job. She DID say that she never once regretted her decision to hire me (very green, very under-prepared, and with zero experience working with small kids) which helped. But I'm still stinging, and that happened a week ago. I SHOULD let it go and move on, but I can't. I feel like my every move is being watched and analyzed. My boss has asked me everyday since our meeting "how I'm feeling." Well, today is Monday and I'm feeling a bit frantic but I feel that way every Monday. I feel that way all the time! No I'm not prepared YET but I will be. My Mondays are always rough.
Oy. Last week was over and I feel a million times better this week. However, the week is still young. I'm guarding myself against another comment or something. I can almost promise that'll happen, but hopefully I'll be able to deal with it and not break some skulls or something.
If life works out splendidly for me, I'm going back to grad school full time. If life works out unsplendidly for me, I'm going to work here full time next year (provided I can) and go to school part-time. I DON'T want to take out loans to do it, but I will if I have to. I don't want to wait much longer or I'll be starting a family sometime after I'm 30, and while I'm okay with that, I think I might be the only one. My husband doesn't want to wait that long (neither do I) and in order for us to start a family sooner rather than later, I need to go to grad school. I can't put off doing what I want to do forever, or I'll never do it and always regret that I did it.
Anyway...the last few days.
I've got posts of Monday and Tuesday up, so you can read those for yourself. Tuesdays classes were okay. I enjoyed meeting the new kids and getting used to a new routine. I had fun introducing them to a new set of skills. I made another kid cry on Tuesday, but I've accepted the fact that I'll always make kids cry. Whatever.
I wasn't ready for work on Monday, but that was fine with me. I'm never ready on the first day and I never have to be. I was, however, ready for my first class on Tuesday. I've been ready since then. I didn't push myself to be ready either, because I knew I had another 24 hours to get ready.
On Wednesday, I got to school and checked my email. About 10 minutes before I meet the 5th grade for the first time, I read an email from my boss. It was, to say the least, jarring.
I won't C&P the email here, but it definitely wasn't worded well. Basically, it stated that I've been scattered and "brusque an curt" with my coworkers and that I seemed unhappy here. Also, it stated that my "leaving at 3:30" made my boss wonder how well I was handling the new job description. It ended with, "Please see me."
To say that I almost lost it right then and there doesn't even come close. I started shaking and tearing up. But I obviously didn't have time to see my boss right then and there. I had 10 minutes to shake myself straight before I met the 5th grade.
Well, that didn't happen. I plugged through that class. I was okay with the 6th grade. By the end of the morning I had managed to forget that my boss was pissed at me and I was able to get through my morning.
Rather than go see my boss right away, I chose to see her at the end of the day. I had no idea what to even expect, so I busied myself in "my office" and managed to do a little more to occupy myself. When I was ready, I pulled together 10 pages of press releases, letters, and other things I'd worked on in just 2 afternoons. I made copies and brought them down with me. I figured that if my boss was going to tell me that I "wasn't handling" the job well that I could throw down those 10 pages and say, "You want MORE than this in just 2 days?" Sure 10 pages is nothing for a marketing director at a firm, but our school is a small operation. 10 pages is pretty damn good for 2 afternoons.
Anyway, my boss told me that 2 of my colleagues and 2 parents came to her and told her ON MONDAY AFTERNOON that I didn't seem happy and I wasn't smiling and blah blah blah. That's when I lost it. First of all, I told my boss that I'd been trying to get myself settled in my office and get myself ready for the week. I was unable to do that in part because my colleagues kept finding me for tech problems. One such colleague started bothering me a week before because she'd managed to unplug every cord in her classroom and completely disconnected herself from the network. Then she wanted to be online AT THAT MOMENT and got disgruntled when I couldn't help her. She chose to bother me all. freaking. day. on Monday until she got her way. When she didn't, she ran to my boss to tell her I was "unhappy" and "mean". At least, that's what I suspect. As for another colleague, my boss has the tendency to find other people to either back up or refute her suspicions, so if she asked someone else who'd found me on Monday, they probably would have said the same thing.
And let me say that if I was "curt", it was probably deserved. First of all, I fixed everyone's tech issues before I could open my lesson plan book. Second, not one of them said thank you. Out of all these "colleagues" of mine, no one said thank you. Not one. Third, for whatever reason I had a killer headache on Monday and it lasted throughout the week. So yes, I wasn't happy on Monday but I really didn't see a reason to be. And I wasn't prepared, but it wasn't as if I didn't try to be or at least give off the impression that I was.
My boss was pretty surprised that no one said thank you. "Are you sure?" I told her that I'd started looking for SOMEONE to say thank you and I think I got one mumbled from a kid when I held the door open. Yeah, so exactly why should I be nice and doormatty for my coworkers when they aren't going to say thank you for putting their needs ahead of my own?
THEN I chose to address the "leaving early" issue. We (my husband and I) are a one-car family. It isn't necessarily by choice (we wouldn't be if we didn't have the car payment and if my car hadn't been stolen a year before our wedding) but it's been pretty fantastic and has worked out for the most part. Because I work further away, I take the car to work most mornings. I drop off my husband when it's raining or snowing or he has a lot to carry on a particular day. I pick him up for the same reasons. He works in the public schools, and because of all their red tape and silly rules here in Chicago, he can't legally be in his building after 4 p.m. If he is he gets kicked out, and if he chooses to stay the school and the district isn't liable for anything that happens to him after that time. It's dumb, but he's gotta get out by that time. So I HAVE to leave at 3:45 to get him. I don't have a choice.
When I explained that for my boss, I think she felt bad. I'm okay with that. The insinuation that I'm not doing my job or not handling my job is too much for me. It's one thing if I'm leaving at 3:00 and nothing's getting done. It's another if I'm leaving when I have to.
The other thing about that is that my predecessor used to leave around 3:30 everyday and no one said a word to her about it. So she left earlier and it was okay (probably because she wasn't teaching) but I stay later and it's NOT okay? B.S.
So my boss is fine with me leaving "early" now. That's a relief. If she wasn't, she'd have to deal, or I'd be taking the bus home at night, which is fine but isn't always safe in this neighborhood after dark.
But anyway....basically, my boss said that I was "frazzled" (duh...it's practically my name) and "unprepared" and that I seemed stressed. YES. I was stressed. I had to deal with my stuff, everyone else's crap, tech issues, AND find a way to be busy in that new office. So yes, I was stressed. And I was pretty okay with that until someone "tattled on me."
And yes, the whole school knows. Why? Because I work in a gossipy place. Teachers are really no better than students.
Everyone's been walking on eggshells around me for the past week. Bonus: no one's bothering me with stupid stuff. Minus: I'm pretty sure everyone now thinks I'm a ticking time bomb. The few friends (or coworkers I'm friendly with) around here have been staying away. It's possible that I inadvertently gave them the brush off last week. But here's the deal: if you're worried about me (my boss says that's the reason people approached her), why not ask ME if I'm okay? I would have been honest and said, "No, my head is killing me today." Or, "Yeah, I'm not at my best but I'll be fine tomorrow." Instead I've got to deal with damage control.
I was furious when I went home on Wednesday. I felt betrayed by my coworkers and I felt as though my boss didn't think I was doing my job. She DID say that she never once regretted her decision to hire me (very green, very under-prepared, and with zero experience working with small kids) which helped. But I'm still stinging, and that happened a week ago. I SHOULD let it go and move on, but I can't. I feel like my every move is being watched and analyzed. My boss has asked me everyday since our meeting "how I'm feeling." Well, today is Monday and I'm feeling a bit frantic but I feel that way every Monday. I feel that way all the time! No I'm not prepared YET but I will be. My Mondays are always rough.
Oy. Last week was over and I feel a million times better this week. However, the week is still young. I'm guarding myself against another comment or something. I can almost promise that'll happen, but hopefully I'll be able to deal with it and not break some skulls or something.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Today....
sucked. This whole week has been a bit of a battle, but today especially sucked. I don't have the energy to get into it now, but believe me when I say it was enough to pack up my classroom and leave. Ugh...so frustrating.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
1 day down, 170+ more to go!
That's a depressing number, but when you break it down into weeks and months, it doesn't seem so bad. At least that's what I'm telling myself!
Yesterday was our first day back at school. It was only a half day, so it was over and done in just a handful of hours, which was fine by me. I was tired to begin with and I'd had a headache all day, so seeing the kids leave made me slightly joyous. I'd also had a few run-ins with kids and just needed a few hours of childless freedom. I had 2 new prechool children burst into tears upon meeting me (ah, the trauma of the first days of school) and one little boy demanded to know why I put his mother in jail. Oy....
Today I met most of the kindergarten class. The teacher's aide steeled up and took in a sharp breath when I asked about a particular student. He can be troublesome, but it's not that he's a bad kid, he's just curious and struggles to listen to the rules. When matched up with our teacher who finds that the rules are what makes our little ones tick and move swiftly through the day, well.....I have a feeling this kid will be spending a lot of time at the back of the line this year (that's where the naughty kids stand).
I teach my first official class of the 2009-2010 school year in about 15 minutes. I *think* I'm ready, and if I'm not....well, there's not much I can do about it now, is there? It's a little overwhelming to think about starting another school year about a month after I finally got some time off, but....well, I'll survive. My other responsibilities are the ones that are weighing pretty heavily on me today, so I'm distracted, that's for sure.
Yesterday was our first day back at school. It was only a half day, so it was over and done in just a handful of hours, which was fine by me. I was tired to begin with and I'd had a headache all day, so seeing the kids leave made me slightly joyous. I'd also had a few run-ins with kids and just needed a few hours of childless freedom. I had 2 new prechool children burst into tears upon meeting me (ah, the trauma of the first days of school) and one little boy demanded to know why I put his mother in jail. Oy....
Today I met most of the kindergarten class. The teacher's aide steeled up and took in a sharp breath when I asked about a particular student. He can be troublesome, but it's not that he's a bad kid, he's just curious and struggles to listen to the rules. When matched up with our teacher who finds that the rules are what makes our little ones tick and move swiftly through the day, well.....I have a feeling this kid will be spending a lot of time at the back of the line this year (that's where the naughty kids stand).
I teach my first official class of the 2009-2010 school year in about 15 minutes. I *think* I'm ready, and if I'm not....well, there's not much I can do about it now, is there? It's a little overwhelming to think about starting another school year about a month after I finally got some time off, but....well, I'll survive. My other responsibilities are the ones that are weighing pretty heavily on me today, so I'm distracted, that's for sure.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Back to work
BOO. I have been struggling to wake up and get it in gear this week. I missed an inservice on Monday, which I was FINE with. And Tuesday and Wednesday we had some more mandatory meetings and we've been in and out of our classrooms all week trying to get things as ready as possible before we're bombared with students for the year.
I'm feeling different about this school year than last. My first year, I was apprehensive and excited and ready to take the school by storm. My second year, I was even more nervous and apprehensive and ready to run as far away as possible from my job because I felt so ridiculously underqualified. Last year, I was really looking forward to the year and had grandiose plans for everything under my jurisdiction.
This year....I dunno. I feel terribly underprepared for every aspect of my job(s), across the board. My head is swimming a little bit, truth be told. I don't really know where to begin, and though I've been here before, I can't remember how I started. I've got to get myself together and I picked up what feels like every pad of notepaper left on the southwest side so I can help myself make to do lists and get organized.
I haven't really tackled my new job yet, and that's bad. But I'm feeling great about being able to teach again, and that's good. I think part of the reason I'm optimistic is that this may be my last year teaching, so why not make it a good one, right? (I'll get to "my last year" in another post.)
I'm really loving my classroom these days. I've got plenty of posters and colors up, and I've found THE most amazing letters for my classroom: STICKY letters! Let me explain:
You know those punch-out letters that you see on boards everywhere? They're awesome, but they're EXPENSIVE. I'm talking $8-$10 a pack and that's at the teacher stores where they're (supposedly) cheaper. I discovered my sticky letters by complete accident, and I have to tell you that I'm THRILLED I made a dumb mistake.
We went to our local Lakeshore Learning store (local is a relative term...it's local if you consider the southside local...it's not local considering it's close to 50 blocks away...) a few weeks ago and I dove into the bins of 20% off letters. My school has a letterpress, but it can be a pain to use, and you're essentially punching out pieces of paper that can be difficult to work with. I decided that for my 3rd year I'd splurge and buy myself some letters considering the money I'd saved using the letterpress for the last 2 years (and some painful do-it-yourself letters from my year at the boarding school). I picked up some 4 inch letters in yellow and called it a day.
Today as I was unwrapping my pack of letters I was trying to figure out a way to punch them out and initially cursed myself for buying letters that had no perforations. THEN I looked at the paper insert attached to my letters and saw the words, "Restickable, reusable, and staple-free!"
HOLY SWEET JESUS MOTHER OF GOD THESE ARE DELIGHTFUL. I can't even begin to explain the joy that comes from just peeling a letter off the backing, throwing it on my bulletin board, and being able to peel it off and reposition it when I find that (as always) my letters are slightly off kilter. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!
(It's really the little things for me.)
So I found a quote to use for my bulletin board and realized that I didn't have enough letters, so after work today The Husband and I went on a grand voyage to Lakeshore to buy myself another pack of these marvelous letters to finish off my quote. That sucked, but these letters are pretty worth the journey. I had decided a long time ago that whenever I quit teaching that I'd leave a number of my supplies to the person who would be filling my position. But these letters? Oh no. They're coming with me to my next adventure. I don't care if I have to use them on the front of my house! I'd sooner give up my job than these letters. (Don't speak too quickly, Ange....)
So...that's that. Hopefully I'll remember to post photos of my classroom soon. I really like the way it turned out. It's got plenty of reading material for when the kids are bored.
I'll be up there for a bit tomorrow, and then I'm ditching to enjoy the last. days. of. summer. School starts Monday at 8:00. God, that's depressing.....
I'm feeling different about this school year than last. My first year, I was apprehensive and excited and ready to take the school by storm. My second year, I was even more nervous and apprehensive and ready to run as far away as possible from my job because I felt so ridiculously underqualified. Last year, I was really looking forward to the year and had grandiose plans for everything under my jurisdiction.
This year....I dunno. I feel terribly underprepared for every aspect of my job(s), across the board. My head is swimming a little bit, truth be told. I don't really know where to begin, and though I've been here before, I can't remember how I started. I've got to get myself together and I picked up what feels like every pad of notepaper left on the southwest side so I can help myself make to do lists and get organized.
I haven't really tackled my new job yet, and that's bad. But I'm feeling great about being able to teach again, and that's good. I think part of the reason I'm optimistic is that this may be my last year teaching, so why not make it a good one, right? (I'll get to "my last year" in another post.)
I'm really loving my classroom these days. I've got plenty of posters and colors up, and I've found THE most amazing letters for my classroom: STICKY letters! Let me explain:
You know those punch-out letters that you see on boards everywhere? They're awesome, but they're EXPENSIVE. I'm talking $8-$10 a pack and that's at the teacher stores where they're (supposedly) cheaper. I discovered my sticky letters by complete accident, and I have to tell you that I'm THRILLED I made a dumb mistake.
We went to our local Lakeshore Learning store (local is a relative term...it's local if you consider the southside local...it's not local considering it's close to 50 blocks away...) a few weeks ago and I dove into the bins of 20% off letters. My school has a letterpress, but it can be a pain to use, and you're essentially punching out pieces of paper that can be difficult to work with. I decided that for my 3rd year I'd splurge and buy myself some letters considering the money I'd saved using the letterpress for the last 2 years (and some painful do-it-yourself letters from my year at the boarding school). I picked up some 4 inch letters in yellow and called it a day.
Today as I was unwrapping my pack of letters I was trying to figure out a way to punch them out and initially cursed myself for buying letters that had no perforations. THEN I looked at the paper insert attached to my letters and saw the words, "Restickable, reusable, and staple-free!"
HOLY SWEET JESUS MOTHER OF GOD THESE ARE DELIGHTFUL. I can't even begin to explain the joy that comes from just peeling a letter off the backing, throwing it on my bulletin board, and being able to peel it off and reposition it when I find that (as always) my letters are slightly off kilter. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!
(It's really the little things for me.)
So I found a quote to use for my bulletin board and realized that I didn't have enough letters, so after work today The Husband and I went on a grand voyage to Lakeshore to buy myself another pack of these marvelous letters to finish off my quote. That sucked, but these letters are pretty worth the journey. I had decided a long time ago that whenever I quit teaching that I'd leave a number of my supplies to the person who would be filling my position. But these letters? Oh no. They're coming with me to my next adventure. I don't care if I have to use them on the front of my house! I'd sooner give up my job than these letters. (Don't speak too quickly, Ange....)
So...that's that. Hopefully I'll remember to post photos of my classroom soon. I really like the way it turned out. It's got plenty of reading material for when the kids are bored.
I'll be up there for a bit tomorrow, and then I'm ditching to enjoy the last. days. of. summer. School starts Monday at 8:00. God, that's depressing.....
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Back to work...
Today we have a meeting and it's officially back to work for me. Where did August go?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Coming to a close...
Wow...I can't believe my summer is nearly over! I keep looking at the calendar and counting the days left until we have to report to school.
Next week my boss is having me attend a conference on Promethean active boards, and I've got a feeling that she's sending me to learn about the boards so I can teach other teachers at my school how to use them. Um...great? Part of me wants to know when this supposed training is going to take place between my teaching responsibilities and this new job. Sometimes I wonder if my boss is a little deluded as to the amount of "free time" I have.
We're supposed to report on the 17th, but I'll still be wrapping up from my brother-in-law's wedding, so unfortunately for me I've got to show up a few days early to make sure everything is okay for an inservice scheduled for our first day back.
There's still so much I want to do! I need to cram some fun into the last few weeks before I have to start lesson planning.
Next week my boss is having me attend a conference on Promethean active boards, and I've got a feeling that she's sending me to learn about the boards so I can teach other teachers at my school how to use them. Um...great? Part of me wants to know when this supposed training is going to take place between my teaching responsibilities and this new job. Sometimes I wonder if my boss is a little deluded as to the amount of "free time" I have.
We're supposed to report on the 17th, but I'll still be wrapping up from my brother-in-law's wedding, so unfortunately for me I've got to show up a few days early to make sure everything is okay for an inservice scheduled for our first day back.
There's still so much I want to do! I need to cram some fun into the last few weeks before I have to start lesson planning.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Camp Recap: Week 2
This week went by really, really fast! I blinked and it was over. However, as fast as it was, it was a really fun week.
We started out the week by going horseback riding. It was fun and informative for the kids, and we got some great photos of them grooming horses and learning how to saddle them.
On Tuesday we went downtown for our annual scavenger hunt. I think it's safe to say my group didn't win. We haven't seen every presentation and figured out who got how many points, but we got less than 30, and the first group to go got 43! Yikes. Oh well. We got some good pictures out of it, and the kids had fun, which is what was most important.
On Wednesday we put together our scavenger hunt photos into PowerPoint presentaions, and we also worked on a science project with them--they learned to make solar stills out of plastic cups and black masking tape! Super cool. Tomorrow we'll see if they actually worked or not.
Thursday was our White Sox game. It was a really GOOD game, and we ended up having to leave early because we needed to get the kids back to school to meet their parents. We left in the 10th inning and the White Sox won in the 13th, although the news of the game was overshadowed by the sudden deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.
On Friday we went to the beach and it was a GREAT DAY for the beach! It was hot, but much cooler by the lake. The sun was out, and there wasn't a cloud to be seen in the sky. I got a little sunburnt, but I had fun with the kids. I didn't actually get to swim in the lake; another counselor from another school (he knows my coworker) arrived really late and ran straight into the water, so I spent the entire time on the sand making sure no one went under water and didn't pop back up. It kinda sucked, but it was also good to have a job and not just sit the whole time.
This week is a really busy one for us as well. We're going canoeing tomorrow, we've got our service project on Tuesday, a trip down to the Taste on Wednesday, and we've got 2 days to finish our PowerPoints, thank you notes, clean up, and create and then present each camper with his or her "Paper Plate Award" before 4:00 p.m. Friday. We'll be crazy busy, but I know this week will pass by just as quickly as the last 2. After Friday, my summer is MINE. :-D
We started out the week by going horseback riding. It was fun and informative for the kids, and we got some great photos of them grooming horses and learning how to saddle them.
On Tuesday we went downtown for our annual scavenger hunt. I think it's safe to say my group didn't win. We haven't seen every presentation and figured out who got how many points, but we got less than 30, and the first group to go got 43! Yikes. Oh well. We got some good pictures out of it, and the kids had fun, which is what was most important.
On Wednesday we put together our scavenger hunt photos into PowerPoint presentaions, and we also worked on a science project with them--they learned to make solar stills out of plastic cups and black masking tape! Super cool. Tomorrow we'll see if they actually worked or not.
Thursday was our White Sox game. It was a really GOOD game, and we ended up having to leave early because we needed to get the kids back to school to meet their parents. We left in the 10th inning and the White Sox won in the 13th, although the news of the game was overshadowed by the sudden deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.
On Friday we went to the beach and it was a GREAT DAY for the beach! It was hot, but much cooler by the lake. The sun was out, and there wasn't a cloud to be seen in the sky. I got a little sunburnt, but I had fun with the kids. I didn't actually get to swim in the lake; another counselor from another school (he knows my coworker) arrived really late and ran straight into the water, so I spent the entire time on the sand making sure no one went under water and didn't pop back up. It kinda sucked, but it was also good to have a job and not just sit the whole time.
This week is a really busy one for us as well. We're going canoeing tomorrow, we've got our service project on Tuesday, a trip down to the Taste on Wednesday, and we've got 2 days to finish our PowerPoints, thank you notes, clean up, and create and then present each camper with his or her "Paper Plate Award" before 4:00 p.m. Friday. We'll be crazy busy, but I know this week will pass by just as quickly as the last 2. After Friday, my summer is MINE. :-D
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I took the job.
......
I gave it a lot of thought, and I decided to take the position after speaking with the woman who's vacating the position later this month. I'm a bit nervous, a bit excited, and really glad the decision has been made.
I decided to give it a year and then decide. I figured that I can do just about anything for a year (Thanks to Ali for reminding me and telling me that I really have until April/May, so it's not even a year).
I've been craving the chance to write again, so being able to create brochures and write press releases again was a huge selling point. I've also got the added benefit of knowing how to create and design a website--our school website is a huge marketing tool and having access to all the Development literature can only help. Also, knowing web design like I do I can maintain 3 websites. It will be a challenge and some days it will be really busy, but I'm looking forward to being able to increase my strengths and learn some new skills.
Having a classroom AND an office is a lot of space to maintain, but the separate spaces will be good for my sanity. I'll have one place to teach and one place to be in a marketing frame of mind. Being in my classroom all the time would frazzle me too much--I don't know that I'd ever be able to focus on doing one thing and one thing only. I'd be writing a press release and worrying about how I was going to get all my grading done at the same time. Having 2 spaces will help separate my mind, if that makes sense.
This is also really good for my resume. Even if I do this for just a year having the marketing experience will look good and can help me find another job if I ever want to transition out of teaching.
Now........I'm still nervous.
The woman in the position is GOOD at her job. I won't be as good as she is. Maybe eventually, but I know that just starting off it's going to be rough. Hopefully my boss and colleagues remember that I'm a bit of a "n00b" and they'll be patient with me.
The summer hours thing kind of sucks. My almost-former-colleague told me it was nothing to worry about, but still....it leaves less time for camp. I know I'll have some flexibility in terms of my hours--I won't have to take days off, I'll just have to let my boss know when I'll be in and when I won't--but I'll have to structure my days or my summers won't be productive at all.
The extra responsibility makes me a little stressed, even just thinking about it. But really, I'm doing this for the extra experience and the extra money, sad as it is to say. I NEED the experience, and it's a lie to say the extra money wouldn't help. I *hope* the money and experience will be worth the added stress.
I'm looking forward to August when I officially start, but I'll be in and out the rest of the summer getting acquainted with the system set up by our PR director. It will be a large undertaking, but it will still be worth it (I hope).
I gave it a lot of thought, and I decided to take the position after speaking with the woman who's vacating the position later this month. I'm a bit nervous, a bit excited, and really glad the decision has been made.
I decided to give it a year and then decide. I figured that I can do just about anything for a year (Thanks to Ali for reminding me and telling me that I really have until April/May, so it's not even a year).
I've been craving the chance to write again, so being able to create brochures and write press releases again was a huge selling point. I've also got the added benefit of knowing how to create and design a website--our school website is a huge marketing tool and having access to all the Development literature can only help. Also, knowing web design like I do I can maintain 3 websites. It will be a challenge and some days it will be really busy, but I'm looking forward to being able to increase my strengths and learn some new skills.
Having a classroom AND an office is a lot of space to maintain, but the separate spaces will be good for my sanity. I'll have one place to teach and one place to be in a marketing frame of mind. Being in my classroom all the time would frazzle me too much--I don't know that I'd ever be able to focus on doing one thing and one thing only. I'd be writing a press release and worrying about how I was going to get all my grading done at the same time. Having 2 spaces will help separate my mind, if that makes sense.
This is also really good for my resume. Even if I do this for just a year having the marketing experience will look good and can help me find another job if I ever want to transition out of teaching.
Now........I'm still nervous.
The woman in the position is GOOD at her job. I won't be as good as she is. Maybe eventually, but I know that just starting off it's going to be rough. Hopefully my boss and colleagues remember that I'm a bit of a "n00b" and they'll be patient with me.
The summer hours thing kind of sucks. My almost-former-colleague told me it was nothing to worry about, but still....it leaves less time for camp. I know I'll have some flexibility in terms of my hours--I won't have to take days off, I'll just have to let my boss know when I'll be in and when I won't--but I'll have to structure my days or my summers won't be productive at all.
The extra responsibility makes me a little stressed, even just thinking about it. But really, I'm doing this for the extra experience and the extra money, sad as it is to say. I NEED the experience, and it's a lie to say the extra money wouldn't help. I *hope* the money and experience will be worth the added stress.
I'm looking forward to August when I officially start, but I'll be in and out the rest of the summer getting acquainted with the system set up by our PR director. It will be a large undertaking, but it will still be worth it (I hope).
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Camp Roundup: Week 1
I can't believe camp is already 1/3 of the way done! Crazy how time flies, eh?
This week was a great one. Aside from just playing games like the circle sit and human bingo, we got the kids out of their chairs and into Chicago. On Tuesday we took the kids to the Museum of Science and Industry to visit the Smart Home, which was cool. Because it was a school group, we qualified for an energy lab, which was a real treat. The kids learned how to separate hydrogen from water, and then used that hydrogen to fuel little cars with hydrogen fuel cells.
Later in the week we took them on a "Communication Walk" where they learned how to communicate without using words or sight. Some kids were blindfolded, others couldn't speak, but they had to remain attached at all times. It was crazy funny, and wicked cool to see them learn to communicate with one another without their usual strengths.
Thursday we made paper! We talked about the recycling process and the kids learned how paper is broken down to make new paper, and then they got to make their own. It was so neat!
Yesterday we went on a walking tour of the Pilsen neighborhood. Pilsen was built to house Lithuainian and Bohemian immigrants in the early part of the last century, but by the 1960s the area was mostly Hispanic. Now the neighborhood, while not the safest, is also revitalized and is much more "family friendly" than it used to be. The neighborhood embraces its culture and that is clearly evident through the murals that decorate the neighborhood. Hispanic leaders are depicted across the neighborhood on schools, garage doors, and even the CTA stop. Schools are decorated with glass mosaics showing leaders in human rights (Dolores Huerta), entertainment (Selena), and even politics (we saw signs supporting Sonia Sotomayor).
Everyone in the community has a hand in the murals. We were able to visit a community center that is home to adults with mental and physical disabilities and saw the murals they created for their building. We plan on creating a mural with the kids at the end of next week. The murals were gorgeous and help take back the community. The neighborhood is revitalized and I think Pilsen is really going to grow and become a model south side neighborhood in the coming years. Instead of just taking the hand they were given, many Pilsen residents have helped push the neighborhood forward and instead of accepting "old buildings" and "sub-standard schools" they've really pushed for reform and for good schools, and don't all kids--regardless of race--deserve a good school?
Camp this week was wonderful, and I can't wait to see what happens next week!
This week was a great one. Aside from just playing games like the circle sit and human bingo, we got the kids out of their chairs and into Chicago. On Tuesday we took the kids to the Museum of Science and Industry to visit the Smart Home, which was cool. Because it was a school group, we qualified for an energy lab, which was a real treat. The kids learned how to separate hydrogen from water, and then used that hydrogen to fuel little cars with hydrogen fuel cells.
Later in the week we took them on a "Communication Walk" where they learned how to communicate without using words or sight. Some kids were blindfolded, others couldn't speak, but they had to remain attached at all times. It was crazy funny, and wicked cool to see them learn to communicate with one another without their usual strengths.
Thursday we made paper! We talked about the recycling process and the kids learned how paper is broken down to make new paper, and then they got to make their own. It was so neat!
Yesterday we went on a walking tour of the Pilsen neighborhood. Pilsen was built to house Lithuainian and Bohemian immigrants in the early part of the last century, but by the 1960s the area was mostly Hispanic. Now the neighborhood, while not the safest, is also revitalized and is much more "family friendly" than it used to be. The neighborhood embraces its culture and that is clearly evident through the murals that decorate the neighborhood. Hispanic leaders are depicted across the neighborhood on schools, garage doors, and even the CTA stop. Schools are decorated with glass mosaics showing leaders in human rights (Dolores Huerta), entertainment (Selena), and even politics (we saw signs supporting Sonia Sotomayor).
Everyone in the community has a hand in the murals. We were able to visit a community center that is home to adults with mental and physical disabilities and saw the murals they created for their building. We plan on creating a mural with the kids at the end of next week. The murals were gorgeous and help take back the community. The neighborhood is revitalized and I think Pilsen is really going to grow and become a model south side neighborhood in the coming years. Instead of just taking the hand they were given, many Pilsen residents have helped push the neighborhood forward and instead of accepting "old buildings" and "sub-standard schools" they've really pushed for reform and for good schools, and don't all kids--regardless of race--deserve a good school?
Camp this week was wonderful, and I can't wait to see what happens next week!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
What would you do?
Today I got some good news and some bad news, and I've been chewing on it all day. Let's start with the bad news.
Our Alumni, Public Relations, Marketing, and Development Director (one wonder woman) is leaving. She coached part-time at a local high school this year and was offered a full-time position there last week. While she hasn't signed her contract yet, it's pretty much a given. When she told my co-director and I the news this morning, she started crying. I'm happy for her that she has such a great opportunity, but it's clear that she loves our school and really doesn't want to leave. However, it's also clear she can't turn down this opportunity, especially since she just got engaged and is looking to puchase a home in the next year. While she hasn't signed her new contract, she also hasn't turned it down, and unfortunately our boss can't offer her what she needs in order to keep her. I know it's not just the money that she's looking for, but the new opportunities as well. (Trust me, no one enters education for the easy money.)
Well, as bummed as I am about our wonder woman leaving, I spent the entire day at camp wondering who my boss would find to replace her. My last school was looking to hire a PR/Marketing Director and I was soooo interested in the job, but they wouldn't hire me because I didn't have the experience they were looking for. It took them nearly a year to find someone to fill that role, partly because they wanted someone with $100,000 talent and they could only afford to pay that person $30,000. As a 23 year old looking for her second job out of college, I'd have killed to work for $30,00o!
Well, I found out who my boss wants to replace her: it's me.
My boss called me in her office this afternoon after camp and told me that she wanted to re-draw my contract. Again. I got an initial contract offering my 4 days, and she re-drew the contract to offer me 5 days. When she told me she wanted to re-re-draw the contract, I was afraid that the money wasn't there for day 5, which really bummed me out. Then she explained that she wants me to fill in my co-worker's position as a part-time gig. If I take it, I'll teach 3 days a week, cram my tech and website duties in-between teaching, and spend the last 2 days working on Alumni, Public Relations, Marketing, and Development.
Umm.....I'm kind of freaking out about the whole thing. On one hand, I'm positively giddy at the chance to actually use the degree I paid $30,000 for. I'd be writing again! I'd be writing press releases, grants, letters, brochures....it's what I've been wanting to do, and it's all I wanted to do right after graduating from college.
However, it'd require a lot of extra time and energy that I'm not sure I want to give. It would involve a lot of planning and begging for money from local businesses and getting support for our school events.
It would also involve maintaining THREE websites. Right now I just maintain one, and I was considering taking on extra work to help pay the bills. Crikey...I wouldn't be able to do even one other website on weekends because I'd probably be at school on weekends!
It's a great opportunity and comes with a nearly 50% raise, but I'm still terrified about all the extra work it would involve and the free time I'd be losing. It would mean some nights and weekends at school and summer hours (which would mainly involve getting the work done and not necessarily set hours). Mostly, it would mean less time with my husband and family and I really love the time we have together, especially the downtime.
I'm also concerned about my teaching sufferring. While I've got a good thing going, I won't have nearly as much time to explore and play with my lesson plans. Another downer that I just realized...most of the time when my school takes a day off for professional development, our current director attends a seminar or grant-writing session while we're all at PD. I'd have to ask, but does this mean I'm getting out of PD (which means lost CPDUs necessary to keep my certification) only to attend another "PD" session? Oy.
Here's the list I wrote up earlier and you can see why I'm on the fence about this job:
Excited:
-I'd actually be using my degree. I'd be writing press releases (I can't tell you the last time I did that) and letters and I'd be WRITING.
-It's the kind of job I wanted to do right out of college but couldn't get because I didn't have enough experience. This would give me the experience I was lacking in case my school folds and I need to find another job.
-I'd get an office.
-I'd have a part-time employee who'd report to me (HOLY CRAP) and my boss even mentioned potential for an intern (unpaid).
-It's a 50% raise.
-It looks AWE.SOME. on a resume.
Terrified/Potential negatives:
-Our PR lady is GOOD at her job. REALLY GOOD. There's no way I'll do as good a job. That's not me being negative, I'm just not as good as she is.
-I'm worried my teaching will suffer. I've got a good groove going, but I'd still feel terrible if my teaching buckled under the weight of the new position.
-Summer hours. I know, I know....aww, poor Angie, she'd actually have to work all summer like the rest of us. BUT, I wouldn't be able to do camp, which I really enjoy. The hours are flexible, and I'd even be able to work from home if I needed to, but still....
-It would be A LOT of extra time and hours, to the point that the extra $9,000 wouldn't feel like enough compensation, I fear. Lots of working with volunteers and coordinating events and spending time at school to set up events, coordinate donations, and plan parties, the back to school block party (a ginormous event) and other stuff.-I'm still hung up on the extra time.
-It's a lot of responsibility. Like, A LOT.-I'd be doing over 2 or 3 days what it takes our current person 5 and 6 days to accomplish.
I'm not completely sure I want to take this position. I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally want to write again, and this gives me the chance to build a portfolio that's got more recent examples than some news articles I wrote in 2005. Also, if something happens to my school or I lose my job and can't find another teaching job, I can apply for jobs I want because I've got at least a year experience writing all kinds of stuff, from alumni letters to press releases.
However, if my teaching took a hit, I wonder if I'd lose either position. If so...would I be back to teaching 4 days a week? Would I be PRing 3 days a week? Would I be out on my butt and have to look for a completely different job?
I know my husband will support me no matter what. When I asked him, "If you had to pick, what would you want me to do?" He said, "That's tough, because I would want you to be happy." He knows how much it pains me to not to be writing and using my degree like I really want to be. He knows it's my decision, ultimately, and no matter how it turns out, he's supportive.
I just wish there was an easy answer to this.
Our Alumni, Public Relations, Marketing, and Development Director (one wonder woman) is leaving. She coached part-time at a local high school this year and was offered a full-time position there last week. While she hasn't signed her contract yet, it's pretty much a given. When she told my co-director and I the news this morning, she started crying. I'm happy for her that she has such a great opportunity, but it's clear that she loves our school and really doesn't want to leave. However, it's also clear she can't turn down this opportunity, especially since she just got engaged and is looking to puchase a home in the next year. While she hasn't signed her new contract, she also hasn't turned it down, and unfortunately our boss can't offer her what she needs in order to keep her. I know it's not just the money that she's looking for, but the new opportunities as well. (Trust me, no one enters education for the easy money.)
Well, as bummed as I am about our wonder woman leaving, I spent the entire day at camp wondering who my boss would find to replace her. My last school was looking to hire a PR/Marketing Director and I was soooo interested in the job, but they wouldn't hire me because I didn't have the experience they were looking for. It took them nearly a year to find someone to fill that role, partly because they wanted someone with $100,000 talent and they could only afford to pay that person $30,000. As a 23 year old looking for her second job out of college, I'd have killed to work for $30,00o!
Well, I found out who my boss wants to replace her: it's me.
My boss called me in her office this afternoon after camp and told me that she wanted to re-draw my contract. Again. I got an initial contract offering my 4 days, and she re-drew the contract to offer me 5 days. When she told me she wanted to re-re-draw the contract, I was afraid that the money wasn't there for day 5, which really bummed me out. Then she explained that she wants me to fill in my co-worker's position as a part-time gig. If I take it, I'll teach 3 days a week, cram my tech and website duties in-between teaching, and spend the last 2 days working on Alumni, Public Relations, Marketing, and Development.
Umm.....I'm kind of freaking out about the whole thing. On one hand, I'm positively giddy at the chance to actually use the degree I paid $30,000 for. I'd be writing again! I'd be writing press releases, grants, letters, brochures....it's what I've been wanting to do, and it's all I wanted to do right after graduating from college.
However, it'd require a lot of extra time and energy that I'm not sure I want to give. It would involve a lot of planning and begging for money from local businesses and getting support for our school events.
It would also involve maintaining THREE websites. Right now I just maintain one, and I was considering taking on extra work to help pay the bills. Crikey...I wouldn't be able to do even one other website on weekends because I'd probably be at school on weekends!
It's a great opportunity and comes with a nearly 50% raise, but I'm still terrified about all the extra work it would involve and the free time I'd be losing. It would mean some nights and weekends at school and summer hours (which would mainly involve getting the work done and not necessarily set hours). Mostly, it would mean less time with my husband and family and I really love the time we have together, especially the downtime.
I'm also concerned about my teaching sufferring. While I've got a good thing going, I won't have nearly as much time to explore and play with my lesson plans. Another downer that I just realized...most of the time when my school takes a day off for professional development, our current director attends a seminar or grant-writing session while we're all at PD. I'd have to ask, but does this mean I'm getting out of PD (which means lost CPDUs necessary to keep my certification) only to attend another "PD" session? Oy.
Here's the list I wrote up earlier and you can see why I'm on the fence about this job:
Excited:
-I'd actually be using my degree. I'd be writing press releases (I can't tell you the last time I did that) and letters and I'd be WRITING.
-It's the kind of job I wanted to do right out of college but couldn't get because I didn't have enough experience. This would give me the experience I was lacking in case my school folds and I need to find another job.
-I'd get an office.
-I'd have a part-time employee who'd report to me (HOLY CRAP) and my boss even mentioned potential for an intern (unpaid).
-It's a 50% raise.
-It looks AWE.SOME. on a resume.
Terrified/Potential negatives:
-Our PR lady is GOOD at her job. REALLY GOOD. There's no way I'll do as good a job. That's not me being negative, I'm just not as good as she is.
-I'm worried my teaching will suffer. I've got a good groove going, but I'd still feel terrible if my teaching buckled under the weight of the new position.
-Summer hours. I know, I know....aww, poor Angie, she'd actually have to work all summer like the rest of us. BUT, I wouldn't be able to do camp, which I really enjoy. The hours are flexible, and I'd even be able to work from home if I needed to, but still....
-It would be A LOT of extra time and hours, to the point that the extra $9,000 wouldn't feel like enough compensation, I fear. Lots of working with volunteers and coordinating events and spending time at school to set up events, coordinate donations, and plan parties, the back to school block party (a ginormous event) and other stuff.-I'm still hung up on the extra time.
-It's a lot of responsibility. Like, A LOT.-I'd be doing over 2 or 3 days what it takes our current person 5 and 6 days to accomplish.
I'm not completely sure I want to take this position. I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally want to write again, and this gives me the chance to build a portfolio that's got more recent examples than some news articles I wrote in 2005. Also, if something happens to my school or I lose my job and can't find another teaching job, I can apply for jobs I want because I've got at least a year experience writing all kinds of stuff, from alumni letters to press releases.
However, if my teaching took a hit, I wonder if I'd lose either position. If so...would I be back to teaching 4 days a week? Would I be PRing 3 days a week? Would I be out on my butt and have to look for a completely different job?
I know my husband will support me no matter what. When I asked him, "If you had to pick, what would you want me to do?" He said, "That's tough, because I would want you to be happy." He knows how much it pains me to not to be writing and using my degree like I really want to be. He knows it's my decision, ultimately, and no matter how it turns out, he's supportive.
I just wish there was an easy answer to this.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Well, ask and ye shall receive
Seriously.
Last week I posted about being $1,000 in the hole with camp. That's a big friggin' deficit. I didn't know how we were going to make it up, I really didn't. I had a feeling my coworker would put it all on her credit card and just suck up the debt. Neither of us are in a financial position to do that. Not even close. There are few people I know--if anyone--who could put $1,000 on their credit card and pay it off when the bill comes.
Well when I arrived today, my boss told me that she'd totally forgotten about a surplus from last year of nearly $700! Last year didn't cost nearly as much since we did more in-house and we got larger donations from family and friends (before we were "officially" in a recession).
Today, at dinner for my dad, my mom gave me a $50 check from my aunt and uncle. I couldn't believe it. I'm stunned and humbled by the generosity of my family. Times are tough, and Graham and I are lucky enough to not have a kid or two or three to put through college, and my aunt and uncle still spared a hefty hunk for us. That's huge.
We're still between $300 and $400 for camp, but it's much easier to fundraise when you have only a few hundred to make up. A three-digit number is much easier to collect for than a four-digit number.
I know we'll get there. One of my good friends, Amy, is even soliciting her family--none of whome I've ever met--for donations for camp. Seriously. Before, I've always thought I was a generous person, but this really makes me second guess my generosity. Not that I want to "match" people, but it makes me wonder what kind of heart I'm giving with. Here's a friend who's family is giving us money for a terrific group of kids and they'll probably never venture in to visit the school. Wow. I've always tried to have a servant heart. I always try to approach things with a selfless heart and I always give as much as I can, but Amy's sheer generosity and kindness about this whole situation has been really fantastic and humbling. Amy, if you're reading this, I owe you a huge beer. And a hug. And I'll be praying for you a lot.
Last week I posted about being $1,000 in the hole with camp. That's a big friggin' deficit. I didn't know how we were going to make it up, I really didn't. I had a feeling my coworker would put it all on her credit card and just suck up the debt. Neither of us are in a financial position to do that. Not even close. There are few people I know--if anyone--who could put $1,000 on their credit card and pay it off when the bill comes.
Well when I arrived today, my boss told me that she'd totally forgotten about a surplus from last year of nearly $700! Last year didn't cost nearly as much since we did more in-house and we got larger donations from family and friends (before we were "officially" in a recession).
Today, at dinner for my dad, my mom gave me a $50 check from my aunt and uncle. I couldn't believe it. I'm stunned and humbled by the generosity of my family. Times are tough, and Graham and I are lucky enough to not have a kid or two or three to put through college, and my aunt and uncle still spared a hefty hunk for us. That's huge.
We're still between $300 and $400 for camp, but it's much easier to fundraise when you have only a few hundred to make up. A three-digit number is much easier to collect for than a four-digit number.
I know we'll get there. One of my good friends, Amy, is even soliciting her family--none of whome I've ever met--for donations for camp. Seriously. Before, I've always thought I was a generous person, but this really makes me second guess my generosity. Not that I want to "match" people, but it makes me wonder what kind of heart I'm giving with. Here's a friend who's family is giving us money for a terrific group of kids and they'll probably never venture in to visit the school. Wow. I've always tried to have a servant heart. I always try to approach things with a selfless heart and I always give as much as I can, but Amy's sheer generosity and kindness about this whole situation has been really fantastic and humbling. Amy, if you're reading this, I owe you a huge beer. And a hug. And I'll be praying for you a lot.
Camp, Day 1
Today was interesting. It was a fun, chill day. We got to meet all the kids (not that I didn't know any), but we got to hang out, make our collages, and just mingle as groups. Interesting tidbit: one girl I had in my group last year made my 3 weeks of camp pretty tough. She whined, she complained, and she made sure that I knew she didn't want to be in my group. When my group was announced, she gasped and was begging--literally--my co-director to put her in my group because last year was "sooooooooooo fun". Huh?
Even if she had a great time with me last year (methinks there's some rose-colored hindsight happening there), group members and group leaders aren't paired up again just to keep things new and different.
It's strange, but I guess it's better than having her stand up and high-five everyone around her. "YES! I'm not in Mrs. G's group this year!"
Another plus? I hand-picked my group. I'm SUPER excited about them all and I can't wait for all the fun we're going to have this year. I love my group, I really do.
Tomorrow we're going to the Museum of Science and Industry for an energy lab and to see the Green House. Can't wait!
Even if she had a great time with me last year (methinks there's some rose-colored hindsight happening there), group members and group leaders aren't paired up again just to keep things new and different.
It's strange, but I guess it's better than having her stand up and high-five everyone around her. "YES! I'm not in Mrs. G's group this year!"
Another plus? I hand-picked my group. I'm SUPER excited about them all and I can't wait for all the fun we're going to have this year. I love my group, I really do.
Tomorrow we're going to the Museum of Science and Industry for an energy lab and to see the Green House. Can't wait!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Camp
Had a meeting today for summer camp, which was both exciting and frustrating.
Exciting: Two of our Junior Counselors are two of my favorite students from the Class of 2008. They've got great energy, they're entertaining, and they've both done E.X.P.L.O.R.E. so they're familiar with the games and the silly stuff we do.
I also know 3 members of my group, and I basically hand-picked them. A few weeks ago I told my coworker I wouldn't mind taking 2 of them, although we weren't sure if the two of them together would work well. I guess she's decided to try it, so I've got 2 kids who I really like. Because I'm taking 2 difficult kids, she let me pick a "good" kid. I couldn't decide, because I really like all the kids, so I chose a boy and a girl and she gave me the boy. I *think* all the kids will work well together, but time will tell. I'm being positive about it. So far I've got three 8th graders, so I'm expecting 2 7th graders in my group as well. I think my group will mesh well, and if not...well, camp only lasts 3 weeks. :-)
As for the frustrating.....camp starts on Monday, and we're already $1,000 over budget and that doesn't count hiring buses to haul us around to a few different events. Yuck. The fundraising has been done solely by my coworker and I. We both sent letters to family and friends asking for donations. I've got solid donations from my parents and sister, and one good friend told me she'd send me a donation (she asked where she could send the donation, so as far as I'm concerned that's solid).
Together, we've raised nearly $1,000, and the kids are paying $25 each, so that's brought in $550. However, some of the activities we have planned are costing us more than we expected, and that doesn't factor in all our transportation OR snacks during the day. Each day we give the kids a small snack and a drink, and sadly for some of our kids that's going to be their dinner.
It's so frustrating. I'm not sure what our solution is going to be. My coworker has already purchased some volleyballs and was planning on making those her donation to camp. She's decided to take on some more expenses and make that part of her donation as well. We're also going to send a letter to our colleagues and ask nicely if we can have some of their hard-earned money. It's not ideal, and it WON'T make up for the defecit, but hopefully we can get a few hundred from that.
It can be disheartening to not be able to give some really great kids a camp experience they truly deserve, but I'm glad they have the opportunity for camp, I really am. In the letter I sent to family and friends, I stated that for these kids, they're too old for the park district programs, and they can't afford the programs at the local Catholic high schools. For some of our students, this is their only option. And really, for a number of our campers, they don't have a summer aside from this. So many of them are responsible for a younger sibling while their parent or parents work, so for 4 hours a day they get to chill and have fun.
I can't wait for camp to start. Our first week is already jam packed, and we're hoping for a few stray donations to tumble in over the weekend and next week so we can officially pay for the rest of camp. God bless, and I'm sure I'll update soon.
Exciting: Two of our Junior Counselors are two of my favorite students from the Class of 2008. They've got great energy, they're entertaining, and they've both done E.X.P.L.O.R.E. so they're familiar with the games and the silly stuff we do.
I also know 3 members of my group, and I basically hand-picked them. A few weeks ago I told my coworker I wouldn't mind taking 2 of them, although we weren't sure if the two of them together would work well. I guess she's decided to try it, so I've got 2 kids who I really like. Because I'm taking 2 difficult kids, she let me pick a "good" kid. I couldn't decide, because I really like all the kids, so I chose a boy and a girl and she gave me the boy. I *think* all the kids will work well together, but time will tell. I'm being positive about it. So far I've got three 8th graders, so I'm expecting 2 7th graders in my group as well. I think my group will mesh well, and if not...well, camp only lasts 3 weeks. :-)
As for the frustrating.....camp starts on Monday, and we're already $1,000 over budget and that doesn't count hiring buses to haul us around to a few different events. Yuck. The fundraising has been done solely by my coworker and I. We both sent letters to family and friends asking for donations. I've got solid donations from my parents and sister, and one good friend told me she'd send me a donation (she asked where she could send the donation, so as far as I'm concerned that's solid).
Together, we've raised nearly $1,000, and the kids are paying $25 each, so that's brought in $550. However, some of the activities we have planned are costing us more than we expected, and that doesn't factor in all our transportation OR snacks during the day. Each day we give the kids a small snack and a drink, and sadly for some of our kids that's going to be their dinner.
It's so frustrating. I'm not sure what our solution is going to be. My coworker has already purchased some volleyballs and was planning on making those her donation to camp. She's decided to take on some more expenses and make that part of her donation as well. We're also going to send a letter to our colleagues and ask nicely if we can have some of their hard-earned money. It's not ideal, and it WON'T make up for the defecit, but hopefully we can get a few hundred from that.
It can be disheartening to not be able to give some really great kids a camp experience they truly deserve, but I'm glad they have the opportunity for camp, I really am. In the letter I sent to family and friends, I stated that for these kids, they're too old for the park district programs, and they can't afford the programs at the local Catholic high schools. For some of our students, this is their only option. And really, for a number of our campers, they don't have a summer aside from this. So many of them are responsible for a younger sibling while their parent or parents work, so for 4 hours a day they get to chill and have fun.
I can't wait for camp to start. Our first week is already jam packed, and we're hoping for a few stray donations to tumble in over the weekend and next week so we can officially pay for the rest of camp. God bless, and I'm sure I'll update soon.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Summer vacation
This is divine, truly. I love it. I'm not even sad it's been a cold spring because I don't have to get out of bed in the morning unless I want to.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Last Day of School!
It's finally here. Sweet Jesus, it's finally here!
Oh man...I can't wait for 11:30 this morning. 2.5 more hours and we're on our way for lunch at Valentina and I can collapse on the couch and read my book. Aaahhh....
Oh man...I can't wait for 11:30 this morning. 2.5 more hours and we're on our way for lunch at Valentina and I can collapse on the couch and read my book. Aaahhh....
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
For Teachers to-be
After your grades are done and turned in, and as you show them to your students, be prepared to hear the following:
"Darn. Is there anything I can do to raise my grade a little?"
Deadlines mean little to nothing to students some days....
"Darn. Is there anything I can do to raise my grade a little?"
Deadlines mean little to nothing to students some days....
My last class just left.
The sound of silence has never been so sweet. Aahhh...I'm done teaching for the year, and all my grades are turned in. Amen.
School Supplies
When I was in elementary school and high school, and even college, I loved going to pick out my school supplies. I loved picking up notebooks with fun and flashy covers and being able to determine which notebook would take the notes for which classes. I love the promise held in a clean notebook. I love the very idea of notes to be taken and thoughts to be thunk.
I love picking out pens as well. I really do. I can't use a pen if it doesn't feel right. I don't even like to use a pen if the ink isn't blue or black or purple, and I have a preference for which pens I like in which colors. Papermate Stick pens have to be blue. Bic Ultra Round Stick Grips pens have to be purple. Pentel RSVP pens (the big thick honkers) have to be purple or "violet". When I choose a pen with black ink, it's got to be a roller ball type pen, with ink that flows right on out and smears just a bit if you're not careful. I love the way they write on a sheet of paper. It's so determined and so permenant and almost...dare I say it...sexy.
One of the most wonderful things about being a teacher is that you get to pick out school supplies twice a year (at least, my school does). My school's on a tight budget but they'll buy any supplies you order at the end of the academic year for the coming year, provided it's from a particular company. I'm cool with that, because this company carries all my favorite pens, and I DO go through pens in my grading.
Right now I'm feeling positively decadent. I'm picking out PENS and PENCILS and ERASERS for the coming year. I'm finding all kinds of goodies in my catalog, including a battery operated pencil sharpener for my desk! Oh man...it'll be fantastic to have a pencil sharpener that doesn't rely on electricity and a cord for power.
What's fabulous is that I'm filling out my list now, but when I arrive in August I'll be able to check my supplies and determine what I need to buy, and I can't wait. I'm going to need to visit a store to get myself some folders, and I'm going to need at least 1 notebook for documentation (oooh, maybe one of those small Mead notebooks with the black and white marbled cover. I've always loved those).
School supplies always get me giddy. The one downside to not being a homeroom teacher is not being able to get protracters and birthday pencils and all that fun stuff that homeroom teachers get for their classrooms. Le sigh...maybe some day. For now, I've got my pens and my catalog to keep me company, and that's good enough for me!
I love picking out pens as well. I really do. I can't use a pen if it doesn't feel right. I don't even like to use a pen if the ink isn't blue or black or purple, and I have a preference for which pens I like in which colors. Papermate Stick pens have to be blue. Bic Ultra Round Stick Grips pens have to be purple. Pentel RSVP pens (the big thick honkers) have to be purple or "violet". When I choose a pen with black ink, it's got to be a roller ball type pen, with ink that flows right on out and smears just a bit if you're not careful. I love the way they write on a sheet of paper. It's so determined and so permenant and almost...dare I say it...sexy.
One of the most wonderful things about being a teacher is that you get to pick out school supplies twice a year (at least, my school does). My school's on a tight budget but they'll buy any supplies you order at the end of the academic year for the coming year, provided it's from a particular company. I'm cool with that, because this company carries all my favorite pens, and I DO go through pens in my grading.
Right now I'm feeling positively decadent. I'm picking out PENS and PENCILS and ERASERS for the coming year. I'm finding all kinds of goodies in my catalog, including a battery operated pencil sharpener for my desk! Oh man...it'll be fantastic to have a pencil sharpener that doesn't rely on electricity and a cord for power.
What's fabulous is that I'm filling out my list now, but when I arrive in August I'll be able to check my supplies and determine what I need to buy, and I can't wait. I'm going to need to visit a store to get myself some folders, and I'm going to need at least 1 notebook for documentation (oooh, maybe one of those small Mead notebooks with the black and white marbled cover. I've always loved those).
School supplies always get me giddy. The one downside to not being a homeroom teacher is not being able to get protracters and birthday pencils and all that fun stuff that homeroom teachers get for their classrooms. Le sigh...maybe some day. For now, I've got my pens and my catalog to keep me company, and that's good enough for me!
The thing about the last days of school...
.......is that homeroom teachers start to remember that they've got a lot to complete in just a few hours and I suddenly have a lot of time on my hands. Oh well. Back to cleaning and tearing down bulletin boards.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Today was one of those days...
You know, the kind that make me think that if I had another month of crap like today, I'd quit and move to Maui.
::bangs head repeatedly against wall::
OY. VEY.
Remember the "What the hell I am gonna do?" post? Ugh. I just found out that not only will the student be returning next year, but he's being promoted to the next grade. He wasn't supposed to be, but the principal decided that with summer school he could be promoted. I'm pissed about it for a few reasons. 1. He MIGHT have been better behaved with the incoming 7th grade. He wouldn't have had anyone to act out with, at least. 2. He SHOULD have repeated 6th grade this year, but they decided that he fit in better physically with the 7th grade. He towers over the 6th graders. 3. I don't think he's learned anything from the constant promotion. He's learned that even if he fails and just attends summer school he'll get passed on to the next grade. That means his behavior in August will be MUCH worse than it is now.
The principal promised me and the other teachers that he's being put on a plan for behavior and academics, and that with the plan comes the stipulation that if he's out of line he'll be kicked out in the first quarter of school. I'm....doubtful.
I HATE to say that about a child. I really do. But here's the thing...this kid hasn't made any progress since the start of the school year. He hasn't shown any signs of grown. In fact, I've seen regression in him. In the first weeks he was doing great. His work was coming in and it was generally pretty good. After he got comfortable he decided that he didn't have to work anymore and he hasn't worked since. He's failed all but one assignment he did this quarter...for me, that is. I can't speak for his other teachers. And that assignment was only after I wrote a note home (couldn't call because my Spanish is lacking) and explained that he had one chance to fix his assignment before I failed him.
He's failing my class. I'm a tough grader, and I never curve grades. I curved this quarter, and he's still failing. I might be willing to up his grade to a D if we were talking a point or two difference, but I'm talking a 15 point difference even with the curve. If I raised his grade, nearly everyone in the class would be getting straight As from me.
I'm so disgusted with this kid and his behavior. I know parents are pissed off as well. The class he's in has problems on its own, and I can't even tackle some of the problems in that class because I feel like I'm constantly saying, "Sit down," and "Get your work done" and "One more time and you'll be repeating my class at your recess." But NOTHING gets through. Absolutely nothing.
It's so disheartening. I feel like this kid overshadows all the good things that are happening in that class.
Remember the "What the hell I am gonna do?" post? Ugh. I just found out that not only will the student be returning next year, but he's being promoted to the next grade. He wasn't supposed to be, but the principal decided that with summer school he could be promoted. I'm pissed about it for a few reasons. 1. He MIGHT have been better behaved with the incoming 7th grade. He wouldn't have had anyone to act out with, at least. 2. He SHOULD have repeated 6th grade this year, but they decided that he fit in better physically with the 7th grade. He towers over the 6th graders. 3. I don't think he's learned anything from the constant promotion. He's learned that even if he fails and just attends summer school he'll get passed on to the next grade. That means his behavior in August will be MUCH worse than it is now.
The principal promised me and the other teachers that he's being put on a plan for behavior and academics, and that with the plan comes the stipulation that if he's out of line he'll be kicked out in the first quarter of school. I'm....doubtful.
I HATE to say that about a child. I really do. But here's the thing...this kid hasn't made any progress since the start of the school year. He hasn't shown any signs of grown. In fact, I've seen regression in him. In the first weeks he was doing great. His work was coming in and it was generally pretty good. After he got comfortable he decided that he didn't have to work anymore and he hasn't worked since. He's failed all but one assignment he did this quarter...for me, that is. I can't speak for his other teachers. And that assignment was only after I wrote a note home (couldn't call because my Spanish is lacking) and explained that he had one chance to fix his assignment before I failed him.
He's failing my class. I'm a tough grader, and I never curve grades. I curved this quarter, and he's still failing. I might be willing to up his grade to a D if we were talking a point or two difference, but I'm talking a 15 point difference even with the curve. If I raised his grade, nearly everyone in the class would be getting straight As from me.
I'm so disgusted with this kid and his behavior. I know parents are pissed off as well. The class he's in has problems on its own, and I can't even tackle some of the problems in that class because I feel like I'm constantly saying, "Sit down," and "Get your work done" and "One more time and you'll be repeating my class at your recess." But NOTHING gets through. Absolutely nothing.
It's so disheartening. I feel like this kid overshadows all the good things that are happening in that class.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Graduation Day
Graduation was today, and it was one of the nicest I've seen in a while. Graduations at my school tend to be a little relaxed. The students and staff still dress up, but some of the families either come dressed up or dressed casually. Depending on the student, the family may or may not make a big deal out graduating from elementary school.
It was really nice to see the kids so excited and happy to graduate. Some of them cried at the end, but that's to be expected. They played their bell chimes one last time, and they celebrated their last Mass together. Some of them were really excited and beaming to receive their diplomas, and others played it cool.
It was a little sad to see them leave and graduate, but it's also exciting for them. It will be interesting to see how these big fish in a very small pond handle being smallish fish in some very large oceans. Some of them are attending small Catholic high schools, but most are going to high schools like Curie and Whitney Young, which are basically small cities.
Naturally, they'll come back in the fall and they'll come visit, proud of who they are and confident that high school will be a snap. Then they'll start to lose touch and they won't want to come visit us so often. Suddenly high school and driving and their friends will take precedence, and elementary school will be an afterthought. It's pretty natural. I don't miss elementary school and I certainly dont' visit (then again, my school is closed and I was so excited to graduate that I could barely sit still during my last week of school).
It will be interesting to see how the next few weeks go. I'm sure I'll get random friend requests on facebook and myspace from some students, but most of them are well on their ways to forgetting me and some other teachers already. :-) I'm certain some will show up for the first day or two of camp "to say hi" and there's always one or two kids who show up in August.
Graduations are always a good time to really see how people feel about their schools and one another, that's for sure. There are the kids who run on out of there and there are the kids who linger and stick around for "just one more photo". If nothing else, it's good to see that those things never change, despite those things that have a tendency to never remain the same.
It was really nice to see the kids so excited and happy to graduate. Some of them cried at the end, but that's to be expected. They played their bell chimes one last time, and they celebrated their last Mass together. Some of them were really excited and beaming to receive their diplomas, and others played it cool.
It was a little sad to see them leave and graduate, but it's also exciting for them. It will be interesting to see how these big fish in a very small pond handle being smallish fish in some very large oceans. Some of them are attending small Catholic high schools, but most are going to high schools like Curie and Whitney Young, which are basically small cities.
Naturally, they'll come back in the fall and they'll come visit, proud of who they are and confident that high school will be a snap. Then they'll start to lose touch and they won't want to come visit us so often. Suddenly high school and driving and their friends will take precedence, and elementary school will be an afterthought. It's pretty natural. I don't miss elementary school and I certainly dont' visit (then again, my school is closed and I was so excited to graduate that I could barely sit still during my last week of school).
It will be interesting to see how the next few weeks go. I'm sure I'll get random friend requests on facebook and myspace from some students, but most of them are well on their ways to forgetting me and some other teachers already. :-) I'm certain some will show up for the first day or two of camp "to say hi" and there's always one or two kids who show up in August.
Graduations are always a good time to really see how people feel about their schools and one another, that's for sure. There are the kids who run on out of there and there are the kids who linger and stick around for "just one more photo". If nothing else, it's good to see that those things never change, despite those things that have a tendency to never remain the same.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Their Last Day
The 8th grade graduates tomorrow. They're already sniffling. Today is gonna be a looooooong one.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
No more 8th grade
Wow....that was fast. I just had my last class with the 8th grade. Unfortunately for them, I was correct in assuming that they wouldn't complete their last project. At least half of them didn't turn it in, and the ones that DID turn it in freaked the bleep out because they realized it was the last class and their projects sucked. Too darn bad...not my problem that you're so totally focused on graduation (a month early) that you didn't get your work done when I asked you to. I would have given them today as a free period if they hadn't blown off and used actual classes as free periods. I swear, those kids are putting gray hairs on my little head.
Right at the end of class, my color printer was acting up and freaking out and not printing at all. When it did start printing, one boy and one girl were left in the room. The first papers that came out of the printer didn't belong to the boy, and he was waiting patiently. When the printer jammed, he paused dramatically and said, "Damn!" I SHOULD have given him a demerit, but all I did was giggle and say he's lucky I don't care anymore. It's their last week. I'm sure they could all get 17 demerits and it wouldn't phase them in the slightest.
All in all I'm pretty proud of this class. They're generally good students, even the ones who struggle. There isn't anyone in class who doesn't turn in work. The students who struggle are the ones with learning disabilities and who attent Title 1 classes, and even THEY turn in good, thoughtful work. This class was pretty rare. They all got along and they all were pretty nice to one another. They weren't angels, but they also weren't the kind of kids who make young teachers consider early retirement, either. There are some pretty huge egos in this class, especially because so many of them are strong contenders for the end of the year academic awards. Unfortunately, there are only so many awards to be given out. I finally picked a boy and girl to give my award to, and I'd thought about it for weeks. Last year I had 2 contenders. My first option was to give it to the student with the highest average, but that student was light years ahead of everyone else and was getting a few awards. My next option was the girl who made the biggest leaps and bounds and really grew as a student. Unfortunately, that choice was derailed by their homeroom teacher because she didn't "think she deserved it." Oy. So I gave it to my 3rd choice, who wasn't a bad kid but had performed steadily throughout the year. He didn't make tremendous leaps like the other student, but he was pretty good. This year, I'm really satisfied with my 2 choices, and I think they'll be surprised when they get the awards.
It's pretty crazy how quickly this year is winding down. I can't believe it, but I only teach about 10 more classes before the year ends. Wow.
Right at the end of class, my color printer was acting up and freaking out and not printing at all. When it did start printing, one boy and one girl were left in the room. The first papers that came out of the printer didn't belong to the boy, and he was waiting patiently. When the printer jammed, he paused dramatically and said, "Damn!" I SHOULD have given him a demerit, but all I did was giggle and say he's lucky I don't care anymore. It's their last week. I'm sure they could all get 17 demerits and it wouldn't phase them in the slightest.
All in all I'm pretty proud of this class. They're generally good students, even the ones who struggle. There isn't anyone in class who doesn't turn in work. The students who struggle are the ones with learning disabilities and who attent Title 1 classes, and even THEY turn in good, thoughtful work. This class was pretty rare. They all got along and they all were pretty nice to one another. They weren't angels, but they also weren't the kind of kids who make young teachers consider early retirement, either. There are some pretty huge egos in this class, especially because so many of them are strong contenders for the end of the year academic awards. Unfortunately, there are only so many awards to be given out. I finally picked a boy and girl to give my award to, and I'd thought about it for weeks. Last year I had 2 contenders. My first option was to give it to the student with the highest average, but that student was light years ahead of everyone else and was getting a few awards. My next option was the girl who made the biggest leaps and bounds and really grew as a student. Unfortunately, that choice was derailed by their homeroom teacher because she didn't "think she deserved it." Oy. So I gave it to my 3rd choice, who wasn't a bad kid but had performed steadily throughout the year. He didn't make tremendous leaps like the other student, but he was pretty good. This year, I'm really satisfied with my 2 choices, and I think they'll be surprised when they get the awards.
It's pretty crazy how quickly this year is winding down. I can't believe it, but I only teach about 10 more classes before the year ends. Wow.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Deconstructing
I started taking down posters and tape and sticky tack this afternoon. I always underestimate how much work deconstructing my classroom takes. Oy.
My goal is to have everything down by the end of the week so I can deep clean it like whoa next week.
My goal is to have everything down by the end of the week so I can deep clean it like whoa next week.
Finally!
I have a job for next year! We got our contracts today....hallelujah! I've been a Nervous Nelly for the past 2 months, waiting to hear if my hours would be cut or if I'd even be rehired (numbers are looking sketchy for next year). I just got my contract in my mailbox. AMEN to that news. I'd been having nightmares of looking for a job in the worst economy in 70 years.
Now I can pack up my classroom in peace and know that I don't need to take all this stuff home. It can live in my coatroom for the summer.
Now I can pack up my classroom in peace and know that I don't need to take all this stuff home. It can live in my coatroom for the summer.
And now...
I just had my last Kindergarten class. Weird.
I have:
I have:
- 3 more 3rd grade classes
- 4 more 4th grade classes
- 3 more 5th grade classes
- 3 more 6th grade classes
- 3 more 7th grade classes
- 1 more 8th grade class
- 2 more second grade classes
- 2 more first grade classes
21 classes until freedom. Whoa.
Whoa.
I just had my last class with the Preschool. Weird. They've got one more week of school before they get out on break next Tuesday. I have my last Kindergarten class very soon. WEIRD.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
What have I learned?
It's around this time of year that I start thinking about how I've grown as an educator over the past year. How am I better than I was at this time last year? How can I improve for next year?
1. Bathroom passes are a life saver. They make it so much easier to keep track of kids and keep "problems" from happening in the bathrooms.
2. A teacher webpage is a necessity and is awesome for keeping in touch with parents and making it pretty darn impossible for kids to say they "lost" a handout or worksheet when they have 24/7 access to it on my webpage.
3. There will always be "those kids" and "those parents" who give me "those migraines".
4. Consistency is key.
5. Given my position in the school, there will always be projects that are dumped on me last minute, but keeping myself organized is going to be the best way to keep myself from going crazy.
6. Kids can learn and thrive in the strangest of places.
7. Given enough time and patience, even the kids you thought were clueless or helpless can progress.
8. Having a box to pass back work is the BEST idea I ever had.
9. I'm much stronger than I was a year ago.
10. Professional Development can be a huge pain, but totally worth it and really helps you find the best ways to help your students.
1. Bathroom passes are a life saver. They make it so much easier to keep track of kids and keep "problems" from happening in the bathrooms.
2. A teacher webpage is a necessity and is awesome for keeping in touch with parents and making it pretty darn impossible for kids to say they "lost" a handout or worksheet when they have 24/7 access to it on my webpage.
3. There will always be "those kids" and "those parents" who give me "those migraines".
4. Consistency is key.
5. Given my position in the school, there will always be projects that are dumped on me last minute, but keeping myself organized is going to be the best way to keep myself from going crazy.
6. Kids can learn and thrive in the strangest of places.
7. Given enough time and patience, even the kids you thought were clueless or helpless can progress.
8. Having a box to pass back work is the BEST idea I ever had.
9. I'm much stronger than I was a year ago.
10. Professional Development can be a huge pain, but totally worth it and really helps you find the best ways to help your students.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Subbing
I subbed today. One of our teachers is out with a cold-turned-sinus infection-turned something nasty. He *almost* came in but with enough prodding was convinced to stay home and visit the doctor instead.
I felt for him, man. There is nothing worse than having to come in to work when you feel miserable. My first year as a teacher ran my immune system up and down. My second year (last year) was just as bad because I was getting used to new germs and kids and habits. My body hated me and at one point last winter just shut down and refused to go into work. I had a nasty cold(ish) that just refused to go anywhere. I had tremendous sinus pressure and my nose was completely stuffed and I was absolutely miserable, but the stupid cold just wouldn't drain (TMI). It was a Sunday night and I called my boss almost in tears because my head killed and no matter what sort of OTC drugs I pumped into myself the stupid cold wouldn't go away, or even give me a few munutes of relief. I really felt for the teacher I subbed for. He hates to miss work and he really needed to be convinced to stay home.
I don't *like* missing work, I really don't. It almost ends up being as big a pain as it is to come in sick. I took a mental health day a few months ago because I was just physically exhausted. I felt okay, but mentally and physically I was drained. The winter took a lot out of me, and one morning I just....couldn't. I felt better when I returned on Monday (I took a long weekend), but I was still so behind when I came back. Missing a day or two really throws your groove out of whack. A good sub can help, but sometimes you still feel like there wasn't a sub at all.
Admittedly I'm not the most organized teacher. I have various piles of papers and handouts in a few corners of my room, and heaven help me if I can find a pen or pencil when I need one. That's a problem when I need a sub. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't called in, called for a sub, and was lying sick in bed when the phone rang at 5 minutes before my first class with the sub begging me to tell him/her where I kept my stapler. I help out, I created obsessively detailed sub plans. I do mean obsessive. I've got a seating chart for each class, 3 pages worth of notes for "What ifs" and "Just in cases". I've got extra lesson plans in case I happen to be gone on a day when a project is due or a class is supposed to start a lesson. I've got a draft of an email ready to go so I can send it when I need to. The draft says, "Disregard the plans left for __________ class. Instead, they are to continue working on [fill in the blank] project with (or without) their partner." I've got bathroom passes tucked in there, and an extra lab sign out sheet with a post-it note attached that asks a sub to hang it outside the room and tear down the old sheet if I happen to be absent on a Monday (the day the sheet's supposed to be hung up. I've even got an extra "Word of the Week" to be hung up if I'm absent on Monday. For someone as disorganized as me, that's crazy organized in case of an absence.
Each year at the start of cold and flu season, the experts pop on our morning shows and tell us to "Stay HOME" if we're sick, even if we've got a cold. I'm sorry, but in what universe is a cold an acceptable excuse to stay home? It takes at least a week or two to get over a cold. Who can take 2 weeks off school? Heck, if I did that I'd blow through my sick days for the year! So no, teachers can't just stay home when they're sick (this makes me wonder how stay-at-home-moms do it. You ARE home sick. Can you go to a spa for a week instead?). If a teacher is unfortunate enough to have a bad class, staying home till a cold blows over could mean returning to chaos. I sometimes wonder how teachers in BD classrooms fare. Who subs for them? Is it even worth it to get a sub in that situation? It can be dangerous to come into a classroom where kids act out and become extremely aggressive over small things and resort to physical violence. I defintely count my blessings that BD education wasn't my calling. I'd probably have quit by now if it was. I give those men and women a TON of respect for being able to do what they do.
Sometimes coming in to work when I'm sick is hell on wheels. It takes three times as long to process questions and understand what I'm supposed to be doing. It takes all the remaining strength I've got to stay awake and focused and on. I think having to stay on is the worst part of being sick and at work. When I feel like crap I just want to stay home in bed, drink soup, watch Maury tell some deadbeats they ARE the father, and nap on and off. I can't fault the kids when they come in and loudly announce "GOOD MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNING!" It's not their fault I'm sick and exhausted. They're just being kids. They don't understand that the louder they are, the crankier I get. They just want to say good morning and tell me that Sophie won't be their friend anymore. They don't *get* it, and that's okay. I actually get angrier with myself for being short with them than I get with them for being normal. Kids are self-absorbed. It's natural. They just don't think outside their little boxes. "Wait...you mean my teacher is a person too? With feelings? Now that's just crazy talk!"
Sometimes a sub can make or break your first day back. I've had good subs and bad subs and those bad subs can make your first day "better" just as bad as your last "bad" day. Subs who for whatever unknown reason don't follow lesson plans, collect homework, or just follow the basic plan of attack for a day basically make that day a wasted day. It makes the homework assigned irrelevant. It makes for an interesting first day back.
Ultimately, whenever I sub, I try to be the sub I would want. I take details notes on each class and follow the instructions to the letter. I write down what I did and if I gave points or demerits to kids. It might be a little obsessive, but I know that those are the kinds of notes I would appreciate if I were out sick. It's incredibly helpful to come back and know without a doubt what happened while you were gone. It's a huge PITA to come back and not know what happened and have to hear from your students what went down. It's a terrible inconvienience. A sub who doesn't do a decent job can be blackballed, and speaking from my side of that fence it's nothing personal but think about it....would you want someone sub par to fill in for you and ultimately leave more work for you to come back to? Would you want to deal with all that stuff when you come back? No one does! It's funny....teachers are some of the only people who can't take off without a backup plan and someone to cover their shifts.
Hopefully, I won't need a sub for the remaining days in the school year. There's a possibility for one, but hopefully it'll work itself out.
I can't believe I have just a few more days of work left. Crazy.
I felt for him, man. There is nothing worse than having to come in to work when you feel miserable. My first year as a teacher ran my immune system up and down. My second year (last year) was just as bad because I was getting used to new germs and kids and habits. My body hated me and at one point last winter just shut down and refused to go into work. I had a nasty cold(ish) that just refused to go anywhere. I had tremendous sinus pressure and my nose was completely stuffed and I was absolutely miserable, but the stupid cold just wouldn't drain (TMI). It was a Sunday night and I called my boss almost in tears because my head killed and no matter what sort of OTC drugs I pumped into myself the stupid cold wouldn't go away, or even give me a few munutes of relief. I really felt for the teacher I subbed for. He hates to miss work and he really needed to be convinced to stay home.
I don't *like* missing work, I really don't. It almost ends up being as big a pain as it is to come in sick. I took a mental health day a few months ago because I was just physically exhausted. I felt okay, but mentally and physically I was drained. The winter took a lot out of me, and one morning I just....couldn't. I felt better when I returned on Monday (I took a long weekend), but I was still so behind when I came back. Missing a day or two really throws your groove out of whack. A good sub can help, but sometimes you still feel like there wasn't a sub at all.
Admittedly I'm not the most organized teacher. I have various piles of papers and handouts in a few corners of my room, and heaven help me if I can find a pen or pencil when I need one. That's a problem when I need a sub. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't called in, called for a sub, and was lying sick in bed when the phone rang at 5 minutes before my first class with the sub begging me to tell him/her where I kept my stapler. I help out, I created obsessively detailed sub plans. I do mean obsessive. I've got a seating chart for each class, 3 pages worth of notes for "What ifs" and "Just in cases". I've got extra lesson plans in case I happen to be gone on a day when a project is due or a class is supposed to start a lesson. I've got a draft of an email ready to go so I can send it when I need to. The draft says, "Disregard the plans left for __________ class. Instead, they are to continue working on [fill in the blank] project with (or without) their partner." I've got bathroom passes tucked in there, and an extra lab sign out sheet with a post-it note attached that asks a sub to hang it outside the room and tear down the old sheet if I happen to be absent on a Monday (the day the sheet's supposed to be hung up. I've even got an extra "Word of the Week" to be hung up if I'm absent on Monday. For someone as disorganized as me, that's crazy organized in case of an absence.
Each year at the start of cold and flu season, the experts pop on our morning shows and tell us to "Stay HOME" if we're sick, even if we've got a cold. I'm sorry, but in what universe is a cold an acceptable excuse to stay home? It takes at least a week or two to get over a cold. Who can take 2 weeks off school? Heck, if I did that I'd blow through my sick days for the year! So no, teachers can't just stay home when they're sick (this makes me wonder how stay-at-home-moms do it. You ARE home sick. Can you go to a spa for a week instead?). If a teacher is unfortunate enough to have a bad class, staying home till a cold blows over could mean returning to chaos. I sometimes wonder how teachers in BD classrooms fare. Who subs for them? Is it even worth it to get a sub in that situation? It can be dangerous to come into a classroom where kids act out and become extremely aggressive over small things and resort to physical violence. I defintely count my blessings that BD education wasn't my calling. I'd probably have quit by now if it was. I give those men and women a TON of respect for being able to do what they do.
Sometimes coming in to work when I'm sick is hell on wheels. It takes three times as long to process questions and understand what I'm supposed to be doing. It takes all the remaining strength I've got to stay awake and focused and on. I think having to stay on is the worst part of being sick and at work. When I feel like crap I just want to stay home in bed, drink soup, watch Maury tell some deadbeats they ARE the father, and nap on and off. I can't fault the kids when they come in and loudly announce "GOOD MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNING!" It's not their fault I'm sick and exhausted. They're just being kids. They don't understand that the louder they are, the crankier I get. They just want to say good morning and tell me that Sophie won't be their friend anymore. They don't *get* it, and that's okay. I actually get angrier with myself for being short with them than I get with them for being normal. Kids are self-absorbed. It's natural. They just don't think outside their little boxes. "Wait...you mean my teacher is a person too? With feelings? Now that's just crazy talk!"
Sometimes a sub can make or break your first day back. I've had good subs and bad subs and those bad subs can make your first day "better" just as bad as your last "bad" day. Subs who for whatever unknown reason don't follow lesson plans, collect homework, or just follow the basic plan of attack for a day basically make that day a wasted day. It makes the homework assigned irrelevant. It makes for an interesting first day back.
Ultimately, whenever I sub, I try to be the sub I would want. I take details notes on each class and follow the instructions to the letter. I write down what I did and if I gave points or demerits to kids. It might be a little obsessive, but I know that those are the kinds of notes I would appreciate if I were out sick. It's incredibly helpful to come back and know without a doubt what happened while you were gone. It's a huge PITA to come back and not know what happened and have to hear from your students what went down. It's a terrible inconvienience. A sub who doesn't do a decent job can be blackballed, and speaking from my side of that fence it's nothing personal but think about it....would you want someone sub par to fill in for you and ultimately leave more work for you to come back to? Would you want to deal with all that stuff when you come back? No one does! It's funny....teachers are some of the only people who can't take off without a backup plan and someone to cover their shifts.
Hopefully, I won't need a sub for the remaining days in the school year. There's a possibility for one, but hopefully it'll work itself out.
I can't believe I have just a few more days of work left. Crazy.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid!!!!!!!
I'm a complete moron. Allow me to explain before you so readily agree with me.
Last week, I got 2 phone messages in my box on the same day. I returned the calls and was then yelled at for about 30 minutes by an angry parent. Not awesome. Last week Thursday was May 7th. This "conversation" I was supposed to have was about p/t conferences which were A MONTH AGO. I'm sorry, but if you're THAT concerned about your child's grade, why on earth would you wait an entire. freaking. month. to ask me about it?
So she calls, I call back, and she basically yells at me for not returning her phone calls earlier. Apparently she called 3 or 4 times and thought I was ignoring her. I only got 2 messages, so I apologized for the miscommunication, but I did indeed return her calls as soon as I could.
Basically she was mad and demanded to know why she didn't know about her daughter's low grade. She didn't like my explanation, either, and then demanded to know why I didn't tell her. I didn't specifically tell "her" but I did send a note home which was signed by the girl's father. This would be an understandable miscommunication, but the child's parents are married so it's not my fault if her parents aren't communicating. I did my job. I sent home a note that your daughter chose to not share with you. I had to dig through my files to find the signed and returned copy, but I read it to her and said it was signed by her husband. As much as I understand that families have problems and maybe they're even going through a bad patch, I take zero responsibility for her non-communication with her child and/or her husband.
THEN (my favorite part) she pauses and demands--demands!--an explanation as to WHY I don't accept her daughter's extra credit! I'm an evil, satanic woman, I tell ya. I love to make "A+ students" suffer. I told her that each class when her daughter comes in I tell the class that they can take an extra credit worksheet if they need it. Her daughter is too busy chit chatting and socializing to be bothered to take one. She's sitting at her computer, and I explain the extra credit to her and even tell her where on my webpage she can print out the extra credit worksheet. She does, and asks when it's due. I tell her that her daughter needs to turn it in by the end of the day Friday. What does she say to me? "Okay. I'll print it out for her and tell her to finish it when she comes home on Sunday from Girl Scout camp." Um...didn't I just say it was due Friday? Ugh. Whatever. I figure I'll make an exception one time and explain--again--to this child when the extra credit is due.
Fast forward to Monday: I don't see the child and she doesn't turn in the extra credit. Okay, fine. Now it's officially late because this parent SWORE it'd be in on Monday. On Tuesday, the day this child comes to class, she proudly presents the extra credit like she didn't have to be told to do it by her mother. I was in the middle of trying to explain the lesson to the class and had to tell this cihld 14 times to sit down. Okay, 14 is an exaggeration. At least 3, though. Three times I said, "Please sit down, I'll talk to you about it in a minute." Ugh. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate when I have to repeat myself, not because the child doesn't understand, but because they just choose not to listen. This isn't a Title 1 or special ed, she's a relativly bright child and doesn't always like being told to "wait". This isn't the first time I've had this issue. Blarg.
So the kid finally sits down, I get through the anticipatory set and the model, pass out the handouts, and I find said child. I take her extra credit, explain when it is due, tell her when to turn it in, and tell her that today is an exception because she and her mom were confused about when the assignment is due. I ask her if she understands and she says yes. Good, no problems.
That was Tuesday. Today is Thursday. I was busy all morning updating the website and grading and taking care of things around the building. Just after lunch I checked my cell phone and saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail. I check my voicemail: it's the mother. Again. Telling me (a.k.a. sternly and almost yelling) that I didn't clearly explain myself on the phone last week and now both she and her daughter are confused about the extra credit and when it is due. I tell her that I DID indeed explain to her daughter when it is due, just like I do at the start OF EVERY CLASS. I'm sorry, but my patience is running thin. It's MAY. I announced extra credit in August and September!! Hey-Zeus! The fact that your child is confused is not. my. freaking. fault. At least not now. She's chosen to NOT do extra credit. She's chosen to TALK THROUGH CLASS. And NOW you want her grade to be magically fixed? Blah!
So I hang up with mom, and right away go down to this girl's homeroom to once again--again--explain when the extra credit is due. I said it 4 times, and asked 4 times if she was confused or didn't understand. "Yes, I understand." I stopped short of saying, "Okay, if you don't understand I don't want to get another phone call..." I really, really wanted to, but I know if I DID I'd get another stupid phone call.
Then it hit me. The mom called me on my cell phone. How the heck did she get my number? Then I remember: last week, I called on my cell phone because the office lines were all in use. CRAP. NOW this parent has my number stored in her cell phone or in her records.
Son of a gun. Stupid stupid stupid stupid!!!!!!!! Note to potential teachers: don't purposely or inadvertently give out your personal emails or phone numbers, because anytime there's an issue with "one of those" people, you're going to be bothered on or off the clock. That's not awesome.
Last week, I got 2 phone messages in my box on the same day. I returned the calls and was then yelled at for about 30 minutes by an angry parent. Not awesome. Last week Thursday was May 7th. This "conversation" I was supposed to have was about p/t conferences which were A MONTH AGO. I'm sorry, but if you're THAT concerned about your child's grade, why on earth would you wait an entire. freaking. month. to ask me about it?
So she calls, I call back, and she basically yells at me for not returning her phone calls earlier. Apparently she called 3 or 4 times and thought I was ignoring her. I only got 2 messages, so I apologized for the miscommunication, but I did indeed return her calls as soon as I could.
Basically she was mad and demanded to know why she didn't know about her daughter's low grade. She didn't like my explanation, either, and then demanded to know why I didn't tell her. I didn't specifically tell "her" but I did send a note home which was signed by the girl's father. This would be an understandable miscommunication, but the child's parents are married so it's not my fault if her parents aren't communicating. I did my job. I sent home a note that your daughter chose to not share with you. I had to dig through my files to find the signed and returned copy, but I read it to her and said it was signed by her husband. As much as I understand that families have problems and maybe they're even going through a bad patch, I take zero responsibility for her non-communication with her child and/or her husband.
THEN (my favorite part) she pauses and demands--demands!--an explanation as to WHY I don't accept her daughter's extra credit! I'm an evil, satanic woman, I tell ya. I love to make "A+ students" suffer. I told her that each class when her daughter comes in I tell the class that they can take an extra credit worksheet if they need it. Her daughter is too busy chit chatting and socializing to be bothered to take one. She's sitting at her computer, and I explain the extra credit to her and even tell her where on my webpage she can print out the extra credit worksheet. She does, and asks when it's due. I tell her that her daughter needs to turn it in by the end of the day Friday. What does she say to me? "Okay. I'll print it out for her and tell her to finish it when she comes home on Sunday from Girl Scout camp." Um...didn't I just say it was due Friday? Ugh. Whatever. I figure I'll make an exception one time and explain--again--to this child when the extra credit is due.
Fast forward to Monday: I don't see the child and she doesn't turn in the extra credit. Okay, fine. Now it's officially late because this parent SWORE it'd be in on Monday. On Tuesday, the day this child comes to class, she proudly presents the extra credit like she didn't have to be told to do it by her mother. I was in the middle of trying to explain the lesson to the class and had to tell this cihld 14 times to sit down. Okay, 14 is an exaggeration. At least 3, though. Three times I said, "Please sit down, I'll talk to you about it in a minute." Ugh. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate when I have to repeat myself, not because the child doesn't understand, but because they just choose not to listen. This isn't a Title 1 or special ed, she's a relativly bright child and doesn't always like being told to "wait". This isn't the first time I've had this issue. Blarg.
So the kid finally sits down, I get through the anticipatory set and the model, pass out the handouts, and I find said child. I take her extra credit, explain when it is due, tell her when to turn it in, and tell her that today is an exception because she and her mom were confused about when the assignment is due. I ask her if she understands and she says yes. Good, no problems.
That was Tuesday. Today is Thursday. I was busy all morning updating the website and grading and taking care of things around the building. Just after lunch I checked my cell phone and saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail. I check my voicemail: it's the mother. Again. Telling me (a.k.a. sternly and almost yelling) that I didn't clearly explain myself on the phone last week and now both she and her daughter are confused about the extra credit and when it is due. I tell her that I DID indeed explain to her daughter when it is due, just like I do at the start OF EVERY CLASS. I'm sorry, but my patience is running thin. It's MAY. I announced extra credit in August and September!! Hey-Zeus! The fact that your child is confused is not. my. freaking. fault. At least not now. She's chosen to NOT do extra credit. She's chosen to TALK THROUGH CLASS. And NOW you want her grade to be magically fixed? Blah!
So I hang up with mom, and right away go down to this girl's homeroom to once again--again--explain when the extra credit is due. I said it 4 times, and asked 4 times if she was confused or didn't understand. "Yes, I understand." I stopped short of saying, "Okay, if you don't understand I don't want to get another phone call..." I really, really wanted to, but I know if I DID I'd get another stupid phone call.
Then it hit me. The mom called me on my cell phone. How the heck did she get my number? Then I remember: last week, I called on my cell phone because the office lines were all in use. CRAP. NOW this parent has my number stored in her cell phone or in her records.
%*$%@)!@(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Son of a gun. Stupid stupid stupid stupid!!!!!!!! Note to potential teachers: don't purposely or inadvertently give out your personal emails or phone numbers, because anytime there's an issue with "one of those" people, you're going to be bothered on or off the clock. That's not awesome.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Quote of the Day
"Why does it smell....why does it smell in here? Like cheese I don't like."
--Stephanie, entering my room about 5 minutes after the hormonal, non-teen-spirit-wearing 8th graders have left.
So THAT'S what teen spirit smells like eh? Makes you wonder exactly what Mr. Cobain was thinking...
--Stephanie, entering my room about 5 minutes after the hormonal, non-teen-spirit-wearing 8th graders have left.
So THAT'S what teen spirit smells like eh? Makes you wonder exactly what Mr. Cobain was thinking...
Monday, May 11, 2009
It's the final countdown!
Officially less than 4 weeks to go! Hurrah!
This week I'm only teaching Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday is our annual Walk-A-Thon, and Thursdays I don't teach, so it's a brief week that's jammed full for me.
I've only got a few classes left with the 8th grade. I only see them 2 days a week as it is, and this Wednesday's out, next Wednesday is their Ribbon Day so they'll be celebrating all week, and the next Monday is Memorial Day so classes aren't in session. Isn't that nuts? Three classes left.
I passed out their progress reports today and a number of them have Cs and Ds. They've been lazy this quarter and there's enough missing work to make sure I don't have a free weekend between now and graduation. Isn't that nice of them? Oh well. I warned them and now they have 3 classes to turn in what they're missing. It sucks but in their minds they've been on summer vacation since....January? They've got it bad, and that ain't good!
On one hand, I'm looking forward to an extra 45 minutes in my day (for 3 days). On the other hand, it'll be sad to see another class leave and move on. Each class thinks they're special, and they are in some way, but they're also very much like other 8th grades that came before them. They've got so many more opportunities available to them and they won't have to start working right after receiving their diploma as so many of their predecessors did. They have the chance to attend some of the best high schools in the city and graduate and become something. Isn't that crazy? Think about all the possibility that laid before you at 14. Are you were you wanted to be when you were 14?
There's not much time left to plan the rest of the year and get ready for summer camp. I can't believe how quickly this year went by. I'm thankful for it, but I'm a little annoyed that I didn't get as much accomplished as I wanted to. Oh well. Hopefully I'll be brought back for a third year and I can finish some of what I wanted to start.
This week I'm only teaching Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday is our annual Walk-A-Thon, and Thursdays I don't teach, so it's a brief week that's jammed full for me.
I've only got a few classes left with the 8th grade. I only see them 2 days a week as it is, and this Wednesday's out, next Wednesday is their Ribbon Day so they'll be celebrating all week, and the next Monday is Memorial Day so classes aren't in session. Isn't that nuts? Three classes left.
I passed out their progress reports today and a number of them have Cs and Ds. They've been lazy this quarter and there's enough missing work to make sure I don't have a free weekend between now and graduation. Isn't that nice of them? Oh well. I warned them and now they have 3 classes to turn in what they're missing. It sucks but in their minds they've been on summer vacation since....January? They've got it bad, and that ain't good!
On one hand, I'm looking forward to an extra 45 minutes in my day (for 3 days). On the other hand, it'll be sad to see another class leave and move on. Each class thinks they're special, and they are in some way, but they're also very much like other 8th grades that came before them. They've got so many more opportunities available to them and they won't have to start working right after receiving their diploma as so many of their predecessors did. They have the chance to attend some of the best high schools in the city and graduate and become something. Isn't that crazy? Think about all the possibility that laid before you at 14. Are you were you wanted to be when you were 14?
There's not much time left to plan the rest of the year and get ready for summer camp. I can't believe how quickly this year went by. I'm thankful for it, but I'm a little annoyed that I didn't get as much accomplished as I wanted to. Oh well. Hopefully I'll be brought back for a third year and I can finish some of what I wanted to start.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Today is a hard day to teach
It's gorgeous outside, and just want to join the little kids on the playground.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Sometimes, I wonder...
It's not THAT hard to schedule events around here. I can't speak for every school, and I've definitely worked at both ends of the spectrum. My first school made scheduling EVERYTHING a nightmare. They had a strict "one event per day" policy that included sports games and practices. This was "so the girls wouldn't be so over-extended" but it also meant that there weren't any school dances because the gym was booked or the field hockey girls would be tired or the soccer girls couldn't make it.....etc. Scheduling had to be done years in advance, pretty much. Ridiculous.
Here, it's much more relaxed. We have "scheduled events" in that we know we always have some sort of small celebration for Cinco de Mayo, Christmas, small events for Catholic Schools Week...etc. They're just planned a few days in advance, or a few weeks if it's a major event. No big deal. However, today is Cinco de Mayo, and every year (since the neighborhood "changed") the kids are released from school on the parking lot and each kid gets a paleta as a special treat. It's a fun afternoon and it's a good time (and I get a free paleta). The schedule conflicts that arose from this, though, are headache inducing.
First we were supposed to meet in the parking lot at 1:45 for paletas, but then return inside to gather up our things and go. Then people complained that it would be a nightmare trying to get kids back in the building and ready, so it was suggested that it be moved back a little. Oh, it was moved alright! To 2:30. Dismissal is at 2:40. Sure enough, that was worse than being on the parking lot with 225 kids for an hour. Parents were already lined up and waiting, and the parking lot is madness to begin with. Some kids got their paletas and left early, but others were milling around and waiting to leave. It was pretty chaotic and not fun, and two parents (notoriously bad drivers to begin with) got into a car accident as they were leaving. Nice.
Next year, let's aim for 2:15.
Here, it's much more relaxed. We have "scheduled events" in that we know we always have some sort of small celebration for Cinco de Mayo, Christmas, small events for Catholic Schools Week...etc. They're just planned a few days in advance, or a few weeks if it's a major event. No big deal. However, today is Cinco de Mayo, and every year (since the neighborhood "changed") the kids are released from school on the parking lot and each kid gets a paleta as a special treat. It's a fun afternoon and it's a good time (and I get a free paleta). The schedule conflicts that arose from this, though, are headache inducing.
First we were supposed to meet in the parking lot at 1:45 for paletas, but then return inside to gather up our things and go. Then people complained that it would be a nightmare trying to get kids back in the building and ready, so it was suggested that it be moved back a little. Oh, it was moved alright! To 2:30. Dismissal is at 2:40. Sure enough, that was worse than being on the parking lot with 225 kids for an hour. Parents were already lined up and waiting, and the parking lot is madness to begin with. Some kids got their paletas and left early, but others were milling around and waiting to leave. It was pretty chaotic and not fun, and two parents (notoriously bad drivers to begin with) got into a car accident as they were leaving. Nice.
Next year, let's aim for 2:15.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Home Schooling
One of the subjects I'm asked about more often than you'd think is, "What's your opinion on home schooling?" It's odd for me since I've rarely come in contact with homeschoolers but being in a school setting for the last few years has definitely shed some light on the subject for me.
When I was a child I wanted desperately to be home-schooled. I hated wearing my uniform, hated school lunches, hated the bells. I craved flexibility and math lessons in my pajamas. That's the "dream" of home-school for so many, but it turns out to not be the reality for the kids I've met who were home-schooled. Some have had tutors come to them daily, some have "classroom" areas set up in their homes, and some even have a regular school day schedule. In college I met a young woman who had been home-schooled in a regular day school, just in a private classroom with other home-school students. Because they were attending the school they had to wear the required uniform, and they also met with different teachers throughout the day.
As most teachers, I disagree with the theory of home-schooling for a number of reasons. First of all, while I am an educator I would never dream that I have all the knowledge I need to teach my child everything they need to know to be ready for high school or college. I just don't. No parent does. Second, in a home setting if a child acts out they're punished/disciplined as they are at home. There's no definition between punishments. If a student acts out in my class they're going to get demerits and maybe a detention. For home-schooled students, detention and home are one in the same. What's the difference between taking away the TV for an hour because they sassed back at the dinner table versus taking the TV away for an hour because they didn't do their homework? Parents who home-school would need to get creative and find ways to inspire and motivate their kids, which of course could be considered bribing. I'm not an "incentive" teacher. I'm not going to reward a student for doing what they already know they need to do. I find incentives to be more of a "last chance" for control of the classroom. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong, but they've just never worked for me.
Another issue I have with home-schooling is that, despite what parents say and what their best intentions are, home-schooled kids are nearly always lagging behind in social skills. Because they're not engaging with their peers on a daily basis they tend to be a little more socially awkward than the rest of us. Junior high and high school are hard enough, and then thrusting a home-schooled child into a social setting, even one they're familiar with, just makes for an awkward situation in which your child has no fun and no friends.
Kids NEED rules and order. They may hate it, but they NEED to stand in line and wait until the bell rings. Seriously. Come visit my school any day of the week and you'll see that if I were to say, "Go grab your coat" and not specify which row should walk into the coat room or ask for line leaders to lead the class down the hall that there'd be chaos. "But what are we supposed to dooooooooooooooooooooooooo????" Quizzical looks and demanding, needy question askers would be tugging at me, desperate to make order of the chaos. I kid you know. Kids like knowing that everything happens in order, and most adults to as well. To take away that order puts them on edge. To not have that order to begin with makes kids, in my opinion, more confused and less able to adapt to order in high school and college.
Simply taking your child to a church youth group or making them play on a weekly softball team doesn't fix the problem, either. Sure they're getting social interaction, but the home-schooled child is often "weird" or the outsider. From my experience (which admittedly is limited, but it's been the same in every case I've encountered) the home-schooler doesn't engaged and doesn't understand the social cues beind sent out by the other children. The child might come from a home where everyone there loves and adores them and listens to every word they have to say, but in social situations that's not the case. I've encountered adults who talk and talk and talk and talk and dominate the conversations because they're afraid of the silence, or because they just assume that everyone wants to hear what they have to say. Social cues aren't something you learn in a classroom with a notebook and pencil--they take time to learn and master.
The one home-schooled child I knew well is a struggling adult. Because she grew up in a very closed environment (her parents both worked from home and she has a very honest, but also very boundryless relationship with them) she's VERY unprepared for life outside her little bubble. "Anna" grew up in a very small family and attended a very small and very literal Southern Baptist church. She has a very sweet disposition, but anything different from what she is used to makes her twitch a little. For example, when attending college for the first time she was completely struck that homosexuals actually existed outside Chicago. She thought for sure that there weren't gay people south of I-80, apparently. Regardless of what your feelings about homosexuality are, you have to at least agree that it's something we encounter everyday and it's not going away. It's just another difference found in people all over the nation. However, Anna just stared in shock when she met her first lesbian. Apparently this woman wasn't anything like Anna expected, and the way she kept her distance it was clear she thought that she could catch some gay disease or something.
Anna also has a low tolerance for compromise. She wants her way, gosh darn it! When asked, Anna will tell you that she never had any problems sharing or compromising at home. Everyone ELSE is the problem! However, it's clear that Anna and compromise quite well with her close-knit family because they're all very much alike. There's no fight for what to watch on TV each night because they all love the same programs. But when meeting her college roommate and having to learn to share and work out a shower/bathroom schedule and learning when to ask and when to compromise gave Anna the hardest year of her life. She just wasn't used to living with "an outsider". While her roommate was generally a good person, she and Anna were veeeeeeeeeeeery different and Anna just couldn't live with her.
Now, if you're an advocate for home-schooling I'm sure you're thinking, "Well, these are just extreme cases! I'll certainly make sure my child understands that they need to compromise with people and they need to learn to share with other kids." Oh yeah? How so? Limited social interaction makes it harder for kids to learn how to share and work with others. Sure Anna could share with her brother Travis, but she couldn't share with anyone else. She just didn't know how. Even now, when I hear her talk about her teaching career, her complaints are always about her coworkers and that they're irritating her. "They're doing it wrong! They have no classroom control! They're not prepared enough!" Really, Anna? Is that the only problem? Sure there are teachers who play a little fast and loose with their lesson plans and Lord knows there are classroom management issues, but I find it hard to believe that ALLLLLL your coworkers are underqualified and mismanaging.
I think part of the reasons parents home-school (and this is gonna be flame-worthy) are completely selfish. Maybe they're having a little trouble letting go, or maybe they're homebodies to begin with. Maybe they don't even realize they're being selfish. I don't know. However, I've to date only met one parent (a former classroom teacher) who chose to home-school for the benefit of her CHILD, not herself. In this instance, her child was being bullied relentlessly at school and she felt the school wasn't doing enough to combat what was happening to her child. She and her husband cannot afford a private school and they are not yet able to move into a new school district. She took matters into her own hands and is home-schooling her oldest child but not her younger three. His schedule matches that of his siblings, and while he's socially awkward he's doing remarkably well given the circumstances. I think that his mother's teaching background definitely helps. After all, she knows what she's teaching him backwards and forwards and she has years of elementary classroom experience. Sure she might be a little rusty after being a stay-at-home mom for so long, but she definitely knows her stuff and once they're able to move they're planning to admit their child to regular school again.
Home-schooling children because you think you can do a better job is just plain silly. Like I said, I'd never assume that I need to know everything necessary to educate a child. Furthermore, there's a reason most school districts now require a Master's degree to teach Pre-K and Kindergarten. Those early years are important for education. Kids learn to play WITH one another, not near one another. They learn to share, and they learn to have a schedule and order and to be just a little bit responsible for one another. I believe the Pre-K teacher at my school is one of the best around. All students who attend Preschool here and continue on to Kindergarten know how to read and write (at least a little) by Kindergarten. They learn to play with other kids and they learn how to behave and follow classroom rules. They are far better prepared to enter the upper grades than those children who don't attend Preschool at all. Even if Mom and Dad are teaching Junior his letters and numbers, Preschool is much more than just playing, snacking, and napping these days. It's critical for success. When polled, the 8th grade students (graduating in a few weeks) who attended Preschool are among the brightest and smartest in their class. Those who didn't struggle much more academically.
Something else I've encountered with home-schooled kids is that they learn early on that "outsiders are scary." They're not like them, therefore we "normal folk" are strange and different. I've never, ever met someone who attended a home school who didn't think "the rest of us" were trustworthy, normal, and not weird. If your parents work from home and you learn from home, you have no baseline for what normal behavior looks like. Sure, you're normal. Normal for you. You have no exposure to anything different. By the time you enter the mainstream, everything different is weird and not trustworthy. Yes, if a student attends regular school, people and things will still be weird. However, they'll be less eye-popping than if that student were home-schooled and effectively sheltered and then thrust into real life.
Something else that comes up when home-schooling is discussed is the fear parents have when they send their children off to school. Shootings, gangs, drugs, drinking, partying, curse words, stress...I can definitely understand why parents, when weighing those obstacles, could want to keep their kids at home. But here's the thing: I spend 6 hours a day with these kids. I can only have so much of an impact, as can their friends. Technology has made it easier to get access to all those potential threats, but the role of the parent hasn't diminished. As a parent, you have access to your child all the time. You shouldn't have to worry that your child will descend into the seventh circle of hell and become a liar and drug addict if you've done your job right. All those fears are normal and I don't know that they ever go away. But worrying comes with the territory of being a parent. Parents worry, kids don't. That's life. However, as a parent you can educate your child and make sure they're not going to make bad decisions. Will your kid screw up? YES! At least, I sure as hell hope so. That's what kids do. They make mistakes but they learn from those mistakes with the right training. You can't be with your child every minute. It's just not healthy. But you can educate and teach your child right from wrong and what the dangers of drugs and alcohol are and hope and pray that they actually listened to you and will make the right decisions when faced with a choice.
Another issue, one most work-at-home parents don't consider is the time required for home-schooling. You'd effectively have to quit your job to teach your kid, or hire a tutor to get your work done. Or, learn to live on little sleep and work at night. Teaching children who can't work independently makes it nearly impossible to do your "real job". Scheduling can help, but let's face it. You had kids for a reason. You love them and want to spend time with them. You're not going to want to teach kids for an hour, then give them 2 hours to go outside and play while you stay holed up inside. You want to spend time with them and enjoy their company. Some of my favorite memories of school and childhood include coming home and being able to tell my parents what I learned today. I felt like a genius when I learned how to multiply and divide and my parents enjoyed my stories and my demonstrations of what I learned in school.
Bottom line, kids NEED to learn from people other than their parents. They need to learn from other teachers and their classmates. They need to learn to follow the rules and work with kids who aren't them. Only children have a hard enough time learning to work with other kids, why make it harder for them? If a parent is considering home-schooling, my best advice for them is to strongly consider the reasons behind it. Why do you want to home school so much? Will your schedules allow it? What sort of schedule will you follow? Do you have any plans to admit your child to a normal day school once they're older? Also, what kind of socialization will you have planned for "after school"? What if your child doesn't like it and wants to quit? What will you provide in the place of that dropped activity?
I know parenting is tough and Lord knows you want what's best for your child. However, what's best for you isn't necessarily the best for your child. Look at all your schooling options. Private schools are hurting in this economy and might be willing to work with you and give you a financial aid package to make tuition affordable, or maybe you can work at the school part-time to defer some of that tuition. If private isn't even an option on the table, look at your local schools and take a tour. Meet your child's teachers. If you don't like them and like the idea of your child being home, strongly consider hiring an outside tutor or forming a home-school group. Trust me, with the way schools are closing left and right these days there will be plenty of former teachers looking to keep working until they can get another classroom placement. Charter schools are also an option: a public school with a private feel. In Chicago, charter schools are essentially forcing out "bad kids" with a behavior code and the bad kids are turning to neighborhood schools. If your kid doesn't have a behavior issue, then they should be fine.
To me, there are almost always better options than home-schooling. It doesn't seem healthy for anyone involved. Attachment issues can form, and few home-schooled children grow up to be well-adjusted teenagers and adults. You are the most important teacher your child has, but you can't be there all the time, and your child can learn valuable life lessons from you while you leave the letters and numbers teaching to the professionals.
When I was a child I wanted desperately to be home-schooled. I hated wearing my uniform, hated school lunches, hated the bells. I craved flexibility and math lessons in my pajamas. That's the "dream" of home-school for so many, but it turns out to not be the reality for the kids I've met who were home-schooled. Some have had tutors come to them daily, some have "classroom" areas set up in their homes, and some even have a regular school day schedule. In college I met a young woman who had been home-schooled in a regular day school, just in a private classroom with other home-school students. Because they were attending the school they had to wear the required uniform, and they also met with different teachers throughout the day.
As most teachers, I disagree with the theory of home-schooling for a number of reasons. First of all, while I am an educator I would never dream that I have all the knowledge I need to teach my child everything they need to know to be ready for high school or college. I just don't. No parent does. Second, in a home setting if a child acts out they're punished/disciplined as they are at home. There's no definition between punishments. If a student acts out in my class they're going to get demerits and maybe a detention. For home-schooled students, detention and home are one in the same. What's the difference between taking away the TV for an hour because they sassed back at the dinner table versus taking the TV away for an hour because they didn't do their homework? Parents who home-school would need to get creative and find ways to inspire and motivate their kids, which of course could be considered bribing. I'm not an "incentive" teacher. I'm not going to reward a student for doing what they already know they need to do. I find incentives to be more of a "last chance" for control of the classroom. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong, but they've just never worked for me.
Another issue I have with home-schooling is that, despite what parents say and what their best intentions are, home-schooled kids are nearly always lagging behind in social skills. Because they're not engaging with their peers on a daily basis they tend to be a little more socially awkward than the rest of us. Junior high and high school are hard enough, and then thrusting a home-schooled child into a social setting, even one they're familiar with, just makes for an awkward situation in which your child has no fun and no friends.
Kids NEED rules and order. They may hate it, but they NEED to stand in line and wait until the bell rings. Seriously. Come visit my school any day of the week and you'll see that if I were to say, "Go grab your coat" and not specify which row should walk into the coat room or ask for line leaders to lead the class down the hall that there'd be chaos. "But what are we supposed to dooooooooooooooooooooooooo????" Quizzical looks and demanding, needy question askers would be tugging at me, desperate to make order of the chaos. I kid you know. Kids like knowing that everything happens in order, and most adults to as well. To take away that order puts them on edge. To not have that order to begin with makes kids, in my opinion, more confused and less able to adapt to order in high school and college.
Simply taking your child to a church youth group or making them play on a weekly softball team doesn't fix the problem, either. Sure they're getting social interaction, but the home-schooled child is often "weird" or the outsider. From my experience (which admittedly is limited, but it's been the same in every case I've encountered) the home-schooler doesn't engaged and doesn't understand the social cues beind sent out by the other children. The child might come from a home where everyone there loves and adores them and listens to every word they have to say, but in social situations that's not the case. I've encountered adults who talk and talk and talk and talk and dominate the conversations because they're afraid of the silence, or because they just assume that everyone wants to hear what they have to say. Social cues aren't something you learn in a classroom with a notebook and pencil--they take time to learn and master.
The one home-schooled child I knew well is a struggling adult. Because she grew up in a very closed environment (her parents both worked from home and she has a very honest, but also very boundryless relationship with them) she's VERY unprepared for life outside her little bubble. "Anna" grew up in a very small family and attended a very small and very literal Southern Baptist church. She has a very sweet disposition, but anything different from what she is used to makes her twitch a little. For example, when attending college for the first time she was completely struck that homosexuals actually existed outside Chicago. She thought for sure that there weren't gay people south of I-80, apparently. Regardless of what your feelings about homosexuality are, you have to at least agree that it's something we encounter everyday and it's not going away. It's just another difference found in people all over the nation. However, Anna just stared in shock when she met her first lesbian. Apparently this woman wasn't anything like Anna expected, and the way she kept her distance it was clear she thought that she could catch some gay disease or something.
Anna also has a low tolerance for compromise. She wants her way, gosh darn it! When asked, Anna will tell you that she never had any problems sharing or compromising at home. Everyone ELSE is the problem! However, it's clear that Anna and compromise quite well with her close-knit family because they're all very much alike. There's no fight for what to watch on TV each night because they all love the same programs. But when meeting her college roommate and having to learn to share and work out a shower/bathroom schedule and learning when to ask and when to compromise gave Anna the hardest year of her life. She just wasn't used to living with "an outsider". While her roommate was generally a good person, she and Anna were veeeeeeeeeeeery different and Anna just couldn't live with her.
Now, if you're an advocate for home-schooling I'm sure you're thinking, "Well, these are just extreme cases! I'll certainly make sure my child understands that they need to compromise with people and they need to learn to share with other kids." Oh yeah? How so? Limited social interaction makes it harder for kids to learn how to share and work with others. Sure Anna could share with her brother Travis, but she couldn't share with anyone else. She just didn't know how. Even now, when I hear her talk about her teaching career, her complaints are always about her coworkers and that they're irritating her. "They're doing it wrong! They have no classroom control! They're not prepared enough!" Really, Anna? Is that the only problem? Sure there are teachers who play a little fast and loose with their lesson plans and Lord knows there are classroom management issues, but I find it hard to believe that ALLLLLL your coworkers are underqualified and mismanaging.
I think part of the reasons parents home-school (and this is gonna be flame-worthy) are completely selfish. Maybe they're having a little trouble letting go, or maybe they're homebodies to begin with. Maybe they don't even realize they're being selfish. I don't know. However, I've to date only met one parent (a former classroom teacher) who chose to home-school for the benefit of her CHILD, not herself. In this instance, her child was being bullied relentlessly at school and she felt the school wasn't doing enough to combat what was happening to her child. She and her husband cannot afford a private school and they are not yet able to move into a new school district. She took matters into her own hands and is home-schooling her oldest child but not her younger three. His schedule matches that of his siblings, and while he's socially awkward he's doing remarkably well given the circumstances. I think that his mother's teaching background definitely helps. After all, she knows what she's teaching him backwards and forwards and she has years of elementary classroom experience. Sure she might be a little rusty after being a stay-at-home mom for so long, but she definitely knows her stuff and once they're able to move they're planning to admit their child to regular school again.
Home-schooling children because you think you can do a better job is just plain silly. Like I said, I'd never assume that I need to know everything necessary to educate a child. Furthermore, there's a reason most school districts now require a Master's degree to teach Pre-K and Kindergarten. Those early years are important for education. Kids learn to play WITH one another, not near one another. They learn to share, and they learn to have a schedule and order and to be just a little bit responsible for one another. I believe the Pre-K teacher at my school is one of the best around. All students who attend Preschool here and continue on to Kindergarten know how to read and write (at least a little) by Kindergarten. They learn to play with other kids and they learn how to behave and follow classroom rules. They are far better prepared to enter the upper grades than those children who don't attend Preschool at all. Even if Mom and Dad are teaching Junior his letters and numbers, Preschool is much more than just playing, snacking, and napping these days. It's critical for success. When polled, the 8th grade students (graduating in a few weeks) who attended Preschool are among the brightest and smartest in their class. Those who didn't struggle much more academically.
Something else I've encountered with home-schooled kids is that they learn early on that "outsiders are scary." They're not like them, therefore we "normal folk" are strange and different. I've never, ever met someone who attended a home school who didn't think "the rest of us" were trustworthy, normal, and not weird. If your parents work from home and you learn from home, you have no baseline for what normal behavior looks like. Sure, you're normal. Normal for you. You have no exposure to anything different. By the time you enter the mainstream, everything different is weird and not trustworthy. Yes, if a student attends regular school, people and things will still be weird. However, they'll be less eye-popping than if that student were home-schooled and effectively sheltered and then thrust into real life.
Something else that comes up when home-schooling is discussed is the fear parents have when they send their children off to school. Shootings, gangs, drugs, drinking, partying, curse words, stress...I can definitely understand why parents, when weighing those obstacles, could want to keep their kids at home. But here's the thing: I spend 6 hours a day with these kids. I can only have so much of an impact, as can their friends. Technology has made it easier to get access to all those potential threats, but the role of the parent hasn't diminished. As a parent, you have access to your child all the time. You shouldn't have to worry that your child will descend into the seventh circle of hell and become a liar and drug addict if you've done your job right. All those fears are normal and I don't know that they ever go away. But worrying comes with the territory of being a parent. Parents worry, kids don't. That's life. However, as a parent you can educate your child and make sure they're not going to make bad decisions. Will your kid screw up? YES! At least, I sure as hell hope so. That's what kids do. They make mistakes but they learn from those mistakes with the right training. You can't be with your child every minute. It's just not healthy. But you can educate and teach your child right from wrong and what the dangers of drugs and alcohol are and hope and pray that they actually listened to you and will make the right decisions when faced with a choice.
Another issue, one most work-at-home parents don't consider is the time required for home-schooling. You'd effectively have to quit your job to teach your kid, or hire a tutor to get your work done. Or, learn to live on little sleep and work at night. Teaching children who can't work independently makes it nearly impossible to do your "real job". Scheduling can help, but let's face it. You had kids for a reason. You love them and want to spend time with them. You're not going to want to teach kids for an hour, then give them 2 hours to go outside and play while you stay holed up inside. You want to spend time with them and enjoy their company. Some of my favorite memories of school and childhood include coming home and being able to tell my parents what I learned today. I felt like a genius when I learned how to multiply and divide and my parents enjoyed my stories and my demonstrations of what I learned in school.
Bottom line, kids NEED to learn from people other than their parents. They need to learn from other teachers and their classmates. They need to learn to follow the rules and work with kids who aren't them. Only children have a hard enough time learning to work with other kids, why make it harder for them? If a parent is considering home-schooling, my best advice for them is to strongly consider the reasons behind it. Why do you want to home school so much? Will your schedules allow it? What sort of schedule will you follow? Do you have any plans to admit your child to a normal day school once they're older? Also, what kind of socialization will you have planned for "after school"? What if your child doesn't like it and wants to quit? What will you provide in the place of that dropped activity?
I know parenting is tough and Lord knows you want what's best for your child. However, what's best for you isn't necessarily the best for your child. Look at all your schooling options. Private schools are hurting in this economy and might be willing to work with you and give you a financial aid package to make tuition affordable, or maybe you can work at the school part-time to defer some of that tuition. If private isn't even an option on the table, look at your local schools and take a tour. Meet your child's teachers. If you don't like them and like the idea of your child being home, strongly consider hiring an outside tutor or forming a home-school group. Trust me, with the way schools are closing left and right these days there will be plenty of former teachers looking to keep working until they can get another classroom placement. Charter schools are also an option: a public school with a private feel. In Chicago, charter schools are essentially forcing out "bad kids" with a behavior code and the bad kids are turning to neighborhood schools. If your kid doesn't have a behavior issue, then they should be fine.
To me, there are almost always better options than home-schooling. It doesn't seem healthy for anyone involved. Attachment issues can form, and few home-schooled children grow up to be well-adjusted teenagers and adults. You are the most important teacher your child has, but you can't be there all the time, and your child can learn valuable life lessons from you while you leave the letters and numbers teaching to the professionals.
Monday, April 27, 2009
What the hell am I gonna do?
I just had a conference with a student and it wasn't a happy one. He's an okay student, but he's gotten this attitude that he doesn't need to do his work. He's in school soley to socialize and have fun, and as a result his grades are in the toilet. His parent/teacher conference wasn't a positive one: it was basically laid out for him that he's most likely repeating this year, and that STILL hasn't changed his behavior. He's still not participating and not turning in work. I wish I could physically slap him across the face and hope that the reality of the situation sticks that way, because giving him his grades and telling him that he's going to repeat clearly hasn't worked.
Here's the thing...he's not one of those kids that "just doesn't get it" because he's LD. He seems to think that he can float by on his good looks and charm. He's always gotten out of trouble before, so clearly it's got to happen one last time. It's so frustrating to see someone who could be an A or B student care so little while the kids with real problems struggle so much and would kill to get a B on a test.
I'm sending a note home today or tomorrow, whenever I can get it translated. It's just such a pain, and I'm very annoyed that this kid hasn't turned it around at all.
Here's the thing...he's not one of those kids that "just doesn't get it" because he's LD. He seems to think that he can float by on his good looks and charm. He's always gotten out of trouble before, so clearly it's got to happen one last time. It's so frustrating to see someone who could be an A or B student care so little while the kids with real problems struggle so much and would kill to get a B on a test.
I'm sending a note home today or tomorrow, whenever I can get it translated. It's just such a pain, and I'm very annoyed that this kid hasn't turned it around at all.
Mondays suck
I'm a crank today. Teaching should be interesting...I just don't have the motivation to get moving.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
10 Years Later
I woke up this morning and fumbled around for my clothes and my keys in a lame attempt to get to work on time. I wasn't really conscious of the date or time or what color socks I'd put on. While listening to Matt Lauer interview yet another auto industry or GE executive and another "But when is this recession going to bottom out?" I whined a little to my husband. "But I don't waaaaaaaaaaant to go to work today! I need one more day oooooooooooooofffff!!!" Then the headlines on the news switched gears and I was nearly alarmed to find out that the Columbine High School tragedy occurred 10 years ago today.
Has it really been 10 years later? I can hardly believe it. It seems like it was mere moments ago that I was sitting in 9th grade English class when another teacher came into the room and turned on the television without saying a word. From that moment on, school safety was forever changed.
I went home that afternoon and got the tightest hug my mother has ever given me, even tighter than when I disappeared from her side while at the shopping mall 4 years earlier. I could tell she'd been crying for the parents who said goodbye to their kids for the last time just hours earlier.
At first I was numb to the news. There had been school shootings before this. It wasn't the first time someone had walked into a school with a handgun and a grudge to uphold. Columbine was different. It was haunting. It was stunning. I still remember watching the news that night and watching the footage over and over again. Kids running out of the building in organized lines, hands on their heads. SWAT teams running in, guns at the ready while students huddled against the building praying they weren't next. It didn't seem possble. How were schools now at risk? Kids were supposed to be safer in schools than in their own homes. How had years of paperwork and permission slips and red tape failed us?
The kneejerk reaction afterwards was to make schools safer by installing metal detectors and placing cops all over the place. "This will send the message that we mean business." But like most kids, I didn't really feel safer. Seeing cops patroling our campuses and metal detectors everywhere made me feel like everyone was a victim, that anyone was capable of exacting revenge on anyone they hated. The real change took place slowly after we had time to heal, but not before more school shootings took place.
In a sick way, I identified, for a few moments anyway, with the killers. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold; we'll never forget their names. As a student in elementary school I was teased mericlessly day after day. That's not even close to an exaggeration, and I wish like hell it was. I was teased for everything...being too smart, too thin, too weird looking, not having the best clothes, having to wear braces, reading too much, failing a math quiz, not being athletic, not knowing what was new on TV or on the radio...one day in January, I was leaving school after band practice and was jumped from behind by 3 boys in my class. They knocked my on the ground and kicked me and threw snow and ice at me. The whole ordeal only lasted about 5 minutes, but it made me hate them. I truly hated them. I wanted to hurt them physically and emotionally the way they had hurt me. There were no witnesses, and our principal wasn't any kind of disciplinarian so the ordeal was forgotten. But I never forgot and I doubt I ever will. I still look behind me when I'm walking in the snow. I still have an occassional flashback. I can't even imagine if my ordeal had been that of the Columbine students. Every car backfiring, every kid who even somewhat resembled the shooters, every April 20th, they remember. Everytime they return to their high school for a reunion or visit home. Everytime someone asks, "So where'd you go to high school?"
Their healing took years, and for some I imagine it's still happening. Some of them were my age that day. Some of them will never forget the choices they made...lunch in the cafeteria, you live. Lunch in the library, you die. Memorials and services help bring closure, but I bet there's not a day that goes by that they don't remember. Columbine has not defined them, but it changed them.
Today, Columbine has become an adjective. Virginia Tech was described as a "Columbine-style" shooting. The disturbed young man who demoted Columbine as 'The Worst School Shooting in History' praised the Klebold and Harris as "martyrs" for the belittled and disturbed. As much as I hate to write it, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris got exactly what they wanted: remembrance. When you think about it, most killers are remembered, and the victims are forgotten by society at large; they fade away, shadowed by the angry faces and words of their killers. Think about it: name one of Jack the Ripper's victims, if you can. John Wayne Gacy? The Oklahoma City bombing victims? Their killers are remembered by name and face. Their faces we can't forget...blank and cold stares, locked jaws, and eyes that cut you to the core even after their death.
Today, Columbine High School was closed. I wonder what the true point of taking a day off to remember the 13 dead these 10 years. The youngest students attending today were 4 and 5 years old that day. They have no memory of Columbine, and most likely brief, fleeting memories of 9/11. They have grown up in a world where metal detectors and random bag searches are a fact of life. They have no idea what we lost ten years ago today. Those students who died, that teacher, are nothing more than names on a wall. Surely there are community members and teachers who remember, but to the current students of Columbine High School today is just a day off.
Ten years ago, my high school had no clue how to handle the aftermath of Columbine, even from hundreds of miles away. We were confused and sad and terrified that an angry girl could exact the same type of disaster with a handgun. There were no grief counselors, no therapy sessions. We wore blue and white ribbons to remember the victims but that didn't help our confusion. We looked to our teachers and parents for answers but they had just as many questions as we did. No one really understood what happened. The immediate response was to try and combat bullying and reach out to those "loners". It was almost as though school administrators assumed that each loner felt the same way and was planning a similar attack on their school. Any student who had ever been depressed, sad, angry, left out, etc. was pulled out of class and asked "How are you feeling today?" Sure, it was a start, even if it wasn't the best place to start. But after Columbine, where did you start? We had to start somewhere as we tried to make sense of it all.
Being on the other side of the desk, I can only imagine how my teachers felt that day and on the day of Virginia Tech. They were just as scared as we were. Sure teachers can be cranky and sure we can grade unfairly sometimes and we can nitpick and ride a kid hard, but we're not doing it to be an a-hole. Imagine being Eric Harris' History teacher, who perhaps bugged him one time too many. You were next, he just killed himself before he got to you. Whenever something happens...a death, a surprise, a sudden outburst...students look to their teachers, literally. Thirty pairs of eyes stare at you, asking, "Now what do we do?" The truth is, we're not trained to handle something like this, big or small. There's no manual for what to do when a gunman enters your school or your classroom, and if there was you wouldn't read it anyway. Teachers are just as clueless as those they teach, they're just a little better at hiding their surprise and fear.
Today, schools have evacuation plans for fires, thanks to Our Lady of the Angels. We have tornado drills. And now we have Intruder Plans in case someone enters the building. Just like the good old days, students are trained to crouch under their desks during a drill, except it's not during the air raid sirens. Twice a year we practice what to do when we hear, "Mr. Green, would you please come to the office?" over the intercoms. During the drills kids laugh and giggle just like they do durind a fire drill. "That won't happen here. That won't happen to us." OLA was 50 years ago, Columbine was 10, and Virginia Tech and NIU were college shootings. There's no reason to think that could happen to them.
What we lost 10 years ago was more than 13 (15) young lives. We lost our sense of security. We lost our school safety. On April 20th, 1999, we all walked into school safe and unaware. On April 21st, we entered scared and confused and unsure of one another. We eyed each other sideways and wondered if this kid was capable of the same kind of rage that took 13 lives. We lost our trust in one another and our trust in the system. We lost the ability to walk into a building and not be subject to a metal detector or bag search. Sometimes I wonder about bringing a child into this world. How will I be able to explain Columbine and Virginia Tech and NIU so they know exactly how tragic they were? How will I be able to tell them that I still cry and I still get chills? How will I be able to explain that when they leave the confines of my car I'll want to reach out and take them back, afraid for their safety? I'll get an eyeroll and a "Sheesh, lighten up, will you?!" (because they'll be paying back the childhood karma I so eagerly sowed) and I'll have to let go and pray that their generation will get it right because mine could not.
Columbine, Oklahoma City, NIU, 9/11, Virginia Tech.....all events that will be ancient history to my kids. I'll never be able to explain the fear and confusion we felt those days. They'll never know what we lost and they'll never know a world where Columbine doesn't mean "massacre". In the same way I've never known a world without fire drills and tornado drills, I suppose. I remember my dad telling me about OLA and the pale, sad expression that crossed his face. I could tell that it was something horrible and sad, but when he told me it was in 1958, I brushed it off as ancient history. I never thought about the hug my dad got from his mother when he got home from school that day. I never thought about my dad being a scared little boy walking into school afraid he'd be burned to death before the bell rang. I never thought that such a traumatic event would affect my dad so much that he chose a career in public safety so he could help save those in danger. Did Columbine shape me? Did Columbine decide my fate as a teacher, even from hundreds of miles away? Is Columbine my OLA?
A few years ago, my family and I traveled to Colorado. I can't remember why we were driving around, but somehow we ended up in Littleton and drove right past Columbine High School. It was July and the sun was setting. It was so peaceful and quiet. The building was dark. It was two years later, before 9/11 and before our world changed again. It was so strange. In a million years, I never would have suspected that this beautiful building filled with white bread and suburban families would have been the scene of such a horrific tragedy. The campus was pristine and I'm not sure why but I expected something more, even 2 years after the fact. The only pictures of Columbine I had ever seen involved terrified students and a SWAT team. I guess it's kind of like seeing a nun without her veil--you know in your head that the visions you have are a little muddled and not quite clear, but when you see the truth you're more than surprised.
On that quiet, warm night in Littleton, I felt a little chill. I couldn't believe that I was looking at the same place I'd seen on TV for weeks and weeks. It was silent and empty. It was nothing like I expected. It wasn't something I was ready to see. It had been 2 years, but it still wasn't resolved. No one had anymore answers than they did on April 21st, 1999. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.
Today, more than anyone else, I am praying for Dylan and Eric's families. While Dylan and Eric killed 13 innocent people, their families lost a beloved child as well. Not only that, but they have to live knowing that their child hurt so much that they had to make others hurt as well. They have different memories of the cold, unflinching young men we see on surveilance tape. They remember small fingers and toes on the day they were born and a smiling, happy toddler. They remember young boys who gave them hugs and kisses each day. The rest of the nation remembers two cold-hearted young men, and they remember two beautiful baby boys.
We lost a lot that day, and we've lost more since then. In trying to make our world and our schools a safer place we've lost our confidence and trust in one another. We've lost the safety that comes with schools. We've put all our faith in paperwork and surveilance cameras and grief counselors. We keep hoping another generation will make it better. I don't know that we are, but we keep trying. Maybe we do it in memory of the fallen, maybe we do it for ourselves. I don't know that it matters, but education is our best tool. Maybe repetition IS key. Maybe if we keep reminding one another what happened and what we lost, it will finally stop happening.
Has it really been 10 years later? I can hardly believe it. It seems like it was mere moments ago that I was sitting in 9th grade English class when another teacher came into the room and turned on the television without saying a word. From that moment on, school safety was forever changed.
I went home that afternoon and got the tightest hug my mother has ever given me, even tighter than when I disappeared from her side while at the shopping mall 4 years earlier. I could tell she'd been crying for the parents who said goodbye to their kids for the last time just hours earlier.
At first I was numb to the news. There had been school shootings before this. It wasn't the first time someone had walked into a school with a handgun and a grudge to uphold. Columbine was different. It was haunting. It was stunning. I still remember watching the news that night and watching the footage over and over again. Kids running out of the building in organized lines, hands on their heads. SWAT teams running in, guns at the ready while students huddled against the building praying they weren't next. It didn't seem possble. How were schools now at risk? Kids were supposed to be safer in schools than in their own homes. How had years of paperwork and permission slips and red tape failed us?
The kneejerk reaction afterwards was to make schools safer by installing metal detectors and placing cops all over the place. "This will send the message that we mean business." But like most kids, I didn't really feel safer. Seeing cops patroling our campuses and metal detectors everywhere made me feel like everyone was a victim, that anyone was capable of exacting revenge on anyone they hated. The real change took place slowly after we had time to heal, but not before more school shootings took place.
In a sick way, I identified, for a few moments anyway, with the killers. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold; we'll never forget their names. As a student in elementary school I was teased mericlessly day after day. That's not even close to an exaggeration, and I wish like hell it was. I was teased for everything...being too smart, too thin, too weird looking, not having the best clothes, having to wear braces, reading too much, failing a math quiz, not being athletic, not knowing what was new on TV or on the radio...one day in January, I was leaving school after band practice and was jumped from behind by 3 boys in my class. They knocked my on the ground and kicked me and threw snow and ice at me. The whole ordeal only lasted about 5 minutes, but it made me hate them. I truly hated them. I wanted to hurt them physically and emotionally the way they had hurt me. There were no witnesses, and our principal wasn't any kind of disciplinarian so the ordeal was forgotten. But I never forgot and I doubt I ever will. I still look behind me when I'm walking in the snow. I still have an occassional flashback. I can't even imagine if my ordeal had been that of the Columbine students. Every car backfiring, every kid who even somewhat resembled the shooters, every April 20th, they remember. Everytime they return to their high school for a reunion or visit home. Everytime someone asks, "So where'd you go to high school?"
Their healing took years, and for some I imagine it's still happening. Some of them were my age that day. Some of them will never forget the choices they made...lunch in the cafeteria, you live. Lunch in the library, you die. Memorials and services help bring closure, but I bet there's not a day that goes by that they don't remember. Columbine has not defined them, but it changed them.
Today, Columbine has become an adjective. Virginia Tech was described as a "Columbine-style" shooting. The disturbed young man who demoted Columbine as 'The Worst School Shooting in History' praised the Klebold and Harris as "martyrs" for the belittled and disturbed. As much as I hate to write it, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris got exactly what they wanted: remembrance. When you think about it, most killers are remembered, and the victims are forgotten by society at large; they fade away, shadowed by the angry faces and words of their killers. Think about it: name one of Jack the Ripper's victims, if you can. John Wayne Gacy? The Oklahoma City bombing victims? Their killers are remembered by name and face. Their faces we can't forget...blank and cold stares, locked jaws, and eyes that cut you to the core even after their death.
Today, Columbine High School was closed. I wonder what the true point of taking a day off to remember the 13 dead these 10 years. The youngest students attending today were 4 and 5 years old that day. They have no memory of Columbine, and most likely brief, fleeting memories of 9/11. They have grown up in a world where metal detectors and random bag searches are a fact of life. They have no idea what we lost ten years ago today. Those students who died, that teacher, are nothing more than names on a wall. Surely there are community members and teachers who remember, but to the current students of Columbine High School today is just a day off.
Ten years ago, my high school had no clue how to handle the aftermath of Columbine, even from hundreds of miles away. We were confused and sad and terrified that an angry girl could exact the same type of disaster with a handgun. There were no grief counselors, no therapy sessions. We wore blue and white ribbons to remember the victims but that didn't help our confusion. We looked to our teachers and parents for answers but they had just as many questions as we did. No one really understood what happened. The immediate response was to try and combat bullying and reach out to those "loners". It was almost as though school administrators assumed that each loner felt the same way and was planning a similar attack on their school. Any student who had ever been depressed, sad, angry, left out, etc. was pulled out of class and asked "How are you feeling today?" Sure, it was a start, even if it wasn't the best place to start. But after Columbine, where did you start? We had to start somewhere as we tried to make sense of it all.
Being on the other side of the desk, I can only imagine how my teachers felt that day and on the day of Virginia Tech. They were just as scared as we were. Sure teachers can be cranky and sure we can grade unfairly sometimes and we can nitpick and ride a kid hard, but we're not doing it to be an a-hole. Imagine being Eric Harris' History teacher, who perhaps bugged him one time too many. You were next, he just killed himself before he got to you. Whenever something happens...a death, a surprise, a sudden outburst...students look to their teachers, literally. Thirty pairs of eyes stare at you, asking, "Now what do we do?" The truth is, we're not trained to handle something like this, big or small. There's no manual for what to do when a gunman enters your school or your classroom, and if there was you wouldn't read it anyway. Teachers are just as clueless as those they teach, they're just a little better at hiding their surprise and fear.
Today, schools have evacuation plans for fires, thanks to Our Lady of the Angels. We have tornado drills. And now we have Intruder Plans in case someone enters the building. Just like the good old days, students are trained to crouch under their desks during a drill, except it's not during the air raid sirens. Twice a year we practice what to do when we hear, "Mr. Green, would you please come to the office?" over the intercoms. During the drills kids laugh and giggle just like they do durind a fire drill. "That won't happen here. That won't happen to us." OLA was 50 years ago, Columbine was 10, and Virginia Tech and NIU were college shootings. There's no reason to think that could happen to them.
What we lost 10 years ago was more than 13 (15) young lives. We lost our sense of security. We lost our school safety. On April 20th, 1999, we all walked into school safe and unaware. On April 21st, we entered scared and confused and unsure of one another. We eyed each other sideways and wondered if this kid was capable of the same kind of rage that took 13 lives. We lost our trust in one another and our trust in the system. We lost the ability to walk into a building and not be subject to a metal detector or bag search. Sometimes I wonder about bringing a child into this world. How will I be able to explain Columbine and Virginia Tech and NIU so they know exactly how tragic they were? How will I be able to tell them that I still cry and I still get chills? How will I be able to explain that when they leave the confines of my car I'll want to reach out and take them back, afraid for their safety? I'll get an eyeroll and a "Sheesh, lighten up, will you?!" (because they'll be paying back the childhood karma I so eagerly sowed) and I'll have to let go and pray that their generation will get it right because mine could not.
Columbine, Oklahoma City, NIU, 9/11, Virginia Tech.....all events that will be ancient history to my kids. I'll never be able to explain the fear and confusion we felt those days. They'll never know what we lost and they'll never know a world where Columbine doesn't mean "massacre". In the same way I've never known a world without fire drills and tornado drills, I suppose. I remember my dad telling me about OLA and the pale, sad expression that crossed his face. I could tell that it was something horrible and sad, but when he told me it was in 1958, I brushed it off as ancient history. I never thought about the hug my dad got from his mother when he got home from school that day. I never thought about my dad being a scared little boy walking into school afraid he'd be burned to death before the bell rang. I never thought that such a traumatic event would affect my dad so much that he chose a career in public safety so he could help save those in danger. Did Columbine shape me? Did Columbine decide my fate as a teacher, even from hundreds of miles away? Is Columbine my OLA?
A few years ago, my family and I traveled to Colorado. I can't remember why we were driving around, but somehow we ended up in Littleton and drove right past Columbine High School. It was July and the sun was setting. It was so peaceful and quiet. The building was dark. It was two years later, before 9/11 and before our world changed again. It was so strange. In a million years, I never would have suspected that this beautiful building filled with white bread and suburban families would have been the scene of such a horrific tragedy. The campus was pristine and I'm not sure why but I expected something more, even 2 years after the fact. The only pictures of Columbine I had ever seen involved terrified students and a SWAT team. I guess it's kind of like seeing a nun without her veil--you know in your head that the visions you have are a little muddled and not quite clear, but when you see the truth you're more than surprised.
On that quiet, warm night in Littleton, I felt a little chill. I couldn't believe that I was looking at the same place I'd seen on TV for weeks and weeks. It was silent and empty. It was nothing like I expected. It wasn't something I was ready to see. It had been 2 years, but it still wasn't resolved. No one had anymore answers than they did on April 21st, 1999. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.
Today, more than anyone else, I am praying for Dylan and Eric's families. While Dylan and Eric killed 13 innocent people, their families lost a beloved child as well. Not only that, but they have to live knowing that their child hurt so much that they had to make others hurt as well. They have different memories of the cold, unflinching young men we see on surveilance tape. They remember small fingers and toes on the day they were born and a smiling, happy toddler. They remember young boys who gave them hugs and kisses each day. The rest of the nation remembers two cold-hearted young men, and they remember two beautiful baby boys.
We lost a lot that day, and we've lost more since then. In trying to make our world and our schools a safer place we've lost our confidence and trust in one another. We've lost the safety that comes with schools. We've put all our faith in paperwork and surveilance cameras and grief counselors. We keep hoping another generation will make it better. I don't know that we are, but we keep trying. Maybe we do it in memory of the fallen, maybe we do it for ourselves. I don't know that it matters, but education is our best tool. Maybe repetition IS key. Maybe if we keep reminding one another what happened and what we lost, it will finally stop happening.
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