Home Schooling

One of the subjects I'm asked about more often than you'd think is, "What's your opinion on home schooling?" It's odd for me since I've rarely come in contact with homeschoolers but being in a school setting for the last few years has definitely shed some light on the subject for me.

When I was a child I wanted desperately to be home-schooled. I hated wearing my uniform, hated school lunches, hated the bells. I craved flexibility and math lessons in my pajamas. That's the "dream" of home-school for so many, but it turns out to not be the reality for the kids I've met who were home-schooled. Some have had tutors come to them daily, some have "classroom" areas set up in their homes, and some even have a regular school day schedule. In college I met a young woman who had been home-schooled in a regular day school, just in a private classroom with other home-school students. Because they were attending the school they had to wear the required uniform, and they also met with different teachers throughout the day.

As most teachers, I disagree with the theory of home-schooling for a number of reasons. First of all, while I am an educator I would never dream that I have all the knowledge I need to teach my child everything they need to know to be ready for high school or college. I just don't. No parent does. Second, in a home setting if a child acts out they're punished/disciplined as they are at home. There's no definition between punishments. If a student acts out in my class they're going to get demerits and maybe a detention. For home-schooled students, detention and home are one in the same. What's the difference between taking away the TV for an hour because they sassed back at the dinner table versus taking the TV away for an hour because they didn't do their homework? Parents who home-school would need to get creative and find ways to inspire and motivate their kids, which of course could be considered bribing. I'm not an "incentive" teacher. I'm not going to reward a student for doing what they already know they need to do. I find incentives to be more of a "last chance" for control of the classroom. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong, but they've just never worked for me.

Another issue I have with home-schooling is that, despite what parents say and what their best intentions are, home-schooled kids are nearly always lagging behind in social skills. Because they're not engaging with their peers on a daily basis they tend to be a little more socially awkward than the rest of us. Junior high and high school are hard enough, and then thrusting a home-schooled child into a social setting, even one they're familiar with, just makes for an awkward situation in which your child has no fun and no friends.

Kids NEED rules and order. They may hate it, but they NEED to stand in line and wait until the bell rings. Seriously. Come visit my school any day of the week and you'll see that if I were to say, "Go grab your coat" and not specify which row should walk into the coat room or ask for line leaders to lead the class down the hall that there'd be chaos. "But what are we supposed to dooooooooooooooooooooooooo????" Quizzical looks and demanding, needy question askers would be tugging at me, desperate to make order of the chaos. I kid you know. Kids like knowing that everything happens in order, and most adults to as well. To take away that order puts them on edge. To not have that order to begin with makes kids, in my opinion, more confused and less able to adapt to order in high school and college.

Simply taking your child to a church youth group or making them play on a weekly softball team doesn't fix the problem, either. Sure they're getting social interaction, but the home-schooled child is often "weird" or the outsider. From my experience (which admittedly is limited, but it's been the same in every case I've encountered) the home-schooler doesn't engaged and doesn't understand the social cues beind sent out by the other children. The child might come from a home where everyone there loves and adores them and listens to every word they have to say, but in social situations that's not the case. I've encountered adults who talk and talk and talk and talk and dominate the conversations because they're afraid of the silence, or because they just assume that everyone wants to hear what they have to say. Social cues aren't something you learn in a classroom with a notebook and pencil--they take time to learn and master.

The one home-schooled child I knew well is a struggling adult. Because she grew up in a very closed environment (her parents both worked from home and she has a very honest, but also very boundryless relationship with them) she's VERY unprepared for life outside her little bubble. "Anna" grew up in a very small family and attended a very small and very literal Southern Baptist church. She has a very sweet disposition, but anything different from what she is used to makes her twitch a little. For example, when attending college for the first time she was completely struck that homosexuals actually existed outside Chicago. She thought for sure that there weren't gay people south of I-80, apparently. Regardless of what your feelings about homosexuality are, you have to at least agree that it's something we encounter everyday and it's not going away. It's just another difference found in people all over the nation. However, Anna just stared in shock when she met her first lesbian. Apparently this woman wasn't anything like Anna expected, and the way she kept her distance it was clear she thought that she could catch some gay disease or something.

Anna also has a low tolerance for compromise. She wants her way, gosh darn it! When asked, Anna will tell you that she never had any problems sharing or compromising at home. Everyone ELSE is the problem! However, it's clear that Anna and compromise quite well with her close-knit family because they're all very much alike. There's no fight for what to watch on TV each night because they all love the same programs. But when meeting her college roommate and having to learn to share and work out a shower/bathroom schedule and learning when to ask and when to compromise gave Anna the hardest year of her life. She just wasn't used to living with "an outsider". While her roommate was generally a good person, she and Anna were veeeeeeeeeeeery different and Anna just couldn't live with her.

Now, if you're an advocate for home-schooling I'm sure you're thinking, "Well, these are just extreme cases! I'll certainly make sure my child understands that they need to compromise with people and they need to learn to share with other kids." Oh yeah? How so? Limited social interaction makes it harder for kids to learn how to share and work with others. Sure Anna could share with her brother Travis, but she couldn't share with anyone else. She just didn't know how. Even now, when I hear her talk about her teaching career, her complaints are always about her coworkers and that they're irritating her. "They're doing it wrong! They have no classroom control! They're not prepared enough!" Really, Anna? Is that the only problem? Sure there are teachers who play a little fast and loose with their lesson plans and Lord knows there are classroom management issues, but I find it hard to believe that ALLLLLL your coworkers are underqualified and mismanaging.

I think part of the reasons parents home-school (and this is gonna be flame-worthy) are completely selfish. Maybe they're having a little trouble letting go, or maybe they're homebodies to begin with. Maybe they don't even realize they're being selfish. I don't know. However, I've to date only met one parent (a former classroom teacher) who chose to home-school for the benefit of her CHILD, not herself. In this instance, her child was being bullied relentlessly at school and she felt the school wasn't doing enough to combat what was happening to her child. She and her husband cannot afford a private school and they are not yet able to move into a new school district. She took matters into her own hands and is home-schooling her oldest child but not her younger three. His schedule matches that of his siblings, and while he's socially awkward he's doing remarkably well given the circumstances. I think that his mother's teaching background definitely helps. After all, she knows what she's teaching him backwards and forwards and she has years of elementary classroom experience. Sure she might be a little rusty after being a stay-at-home mom for so long, but she definitely knows her stuff and once they're able to move they're planning to admit their child to regular school again.

Home-schooling children because you think you can do a better job is just plain silly. Like I said, I'd never assume that I need to know everything necessary to educate a child. Furthermore, there's a reason most school districts now require a Master's degree to teach Pre-K and Kindergarten. Those early years are important for education. Kids learn to play WITH one another, not near one another. They learn to share, and they learn to have a schedule and order and to be just a little bit responsible for one another. I believe the Pre-K teacher at my school is one of the best around. All students who attend Preschool here and continue on to Kindergarten know how to read and write (at least a little) by Kindergarten. They learn to play with other kids and they learn how to behave and follow classroom rules. They are far better prepared to enter the upper grades than those children who don't attend Preschool at all. Even if Mom and Dad are teaching Junior his letters and numbers, Preschool is much more than just playing, snacking, and napping these days. It's critical for success. When polled, the 8th grade students (graduating in a few weeks) who attended Preschool are among the brightest and smartest in their class. Those who didn't struggle much more academically.

Something else I've encountered with home-schooled kids is that they learn early on that "outsiders are scary." They're not like them, therefore we "normal folk" are strange and different. I've never, ever met someone who attended a home school who didn't think "the rest of us" were trustworthy, normal, and not weird. If your parents work from home and you learn from home, you have no baseline for what normal behavior looks like. Sure, you're normal. Normal for you. You have no exposure to anything different. By the time you enter the mainstream, everything different is weird and not trustworthy. Yes, if a student attends regular school, people and things will still be weird. However, they'll be less eye-popping than if that student were home-schooled and effectively sheltered and then thrust into real life.

Something else that comes up when home-schooling is discussed is the fear parents have when they send their children off to school. Shootings, gangs, drugs, drinking, partying, curse words, stress...I can definitely understand why parents, when weighing those obstacles, could want to keep their kids at home. But here's the thing: I spend 6 hours a day with these kids. I can only have so much of an impact, as can their friends. Technology has made it easier to get access to all those potential threats, but the role of the parent hasn't diminished. As a parent, you have access to your child all the time. You shouldn't have to worry that your child will descend into the seventh circle of hell and become a liar and drug addict if you've done your job right. All those fears are normal and I don't know that they ever go away. But worrying comes with the territory of being a parent. Parents worry, kids don't. That's life. However, as a parent you can educate your child and make sure they're not going to make bad decisions. Will your kid screw up? YES! At least, I sure as hell hope so. That's what kids do. They make mistakes but they learn from those mistakes with the right training. You can't be with your child every minute. It's just not healthy. But you can educate and teach your child right from wrong and what the dangers of drugs and alcohol are and hope and pray that they actually listened to you and will make the right decisions when faced with a choice.

Another issue, one most work-at-home parents don't consider is the time required for home-schooling. You'd effectively have to quit your job to teach your kid, or hire a tutor to get your work done. Or, learn to live on little sleep and work at night. Teaching children who can't work independently makes it nearly impossible to do your "real job". Scheduling can help, but let's face it. You had kids for a reason. You love them and want to spend time with them. You're not going to want to teach kids for an hour, then give them 2 hours to go outside and play while you stay holed up inside. You want to spend time with them and enjoy their company. Some of my favorite memories of school and childhood include coming home and being able to tell my parents what I learned today. I felt like a genius when I learned how to multiply and divide and my parents enjoyed my stories and my demonstrations of what I learned in school.


Bottom line, kids NEED to learn from people other than their parents. They need to learn from other teachers and their classmates. They need to learn to follow the rules and work with kids who aren't them. Only children have a hard enough time learning to work with other kids, why make it harder for them? If a parent is considering home-schooling, my best advice for them is to strongly consider the reasons behind it. Why do you want to home school so much? Will your schedules allow it? What sort of schedule will you follow? Do you have any plans to admit your child to a normal day school once they're older? Also, what kind of socialization will you have planned for "after school"? What if your child doesn't like it and wants to quit? What will you provide in the place of that dropped activity?

I know parenting is tough and Lord knows you want what's best for your child. However, what's best for you isn't necessarily the best for your child. Look at all your schooling options. Private schools are hurting in this economy and might be willing to work with you and give you a financial aid package to make tuition affordable, or maybe you can work at the school part-time to defer some of that tuition. If private isn't even an option on the table, look at your local schools and take a tour. Meet your child's teachers. If you don't like them and like the idea of your child being home, strongly consider hiring an outside tutor or forming a home-school group. Trust me, with the way schools are closing left and right these days there will be plenty of former teachers looking to keep working until they can get another classroom placement. Charter schools are also an option: a public school with a private feel. In Chicago, charter schools are essentially forcing out "bad kids" with a behavior code and the bad kids are turning to neighborhood schools. If your kid doesn't have a behavior issue, then they should be fine.

To me, there are almost always better options than home-schooling. It doesn't seem healthy for anyone involved. Attachment issues can form, and few home-schooled children grow up to be well-adjusted teenagers and adults. You are the most important teacher your child has, but you can't be there all the time, and your child can learn valuable life lessons from you while you leave the letters and numbers teaching to the professionals.

Two and a quarter hours, 2 conferences done.

Out of 220+ students. Oy.

The last one was a disappointing one. One of those "kid failed just about everything and tried to make excuses" with an angry parent. However, the parent wasn't angry at the teachers, but at his kid and at the situation.

I hope things change, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Isn't that sad? I feel like behavior is playing too major a factor with this kid. He allows himself to get too distracted and enjoys being the center of attention. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.

Part of me wants them to promote him so he doesn't mess up the good things going on in the incoming class. Part of me wants them to retain him; he probably should have been retained at a previous school and wasn't, and now he's ahead of the pack with his social skills and he'd reeeeeeeeally stick out in that class. Academically however, he's way behind. I don't know, but maybe that's the swift kick he needs.

Another article

It must be 'interesting article day' for CNN because as soon as I logged in again, I saw this one.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/24/teddys.struggle/index.html

Food allergies are a nightmare for parents, teachers, and students. Kids with especially harsh allergies, like Teddy here, require a lot more attention to detail than your average kid with the pollen allergy. In the article, Teddy's mom states that they have to be very specific with his teachers and even ask that some foods be kept out of the classroom completely because exposure could cause him to go into shock or even resperatory distress.

Kids are strange creatures. They often know what they can and can't have but their selective memory kicks in and suddenly they've forgotten that they're allergic to chocolate, and OOPS! Here come the itchy hives and sneezing. At my last school, we had a mass/assembly with students from another school. At mass, the priest blew up a ton of balloons and started bouncing them around to different students. He even passed out balloons to students so they could help him blow them up. One of my students got so excited and distracted by the balloons that she forgot that she was allergic to latex. One inhalation from a balloon and she was itching and having trouble breathing in about 30 seconds. We all kept a few pairs of plastic gloves around in case she was bleeding and we needed to treat her; using latex gloves could have been deadly if some of it got in her blood stream

Some kids are very good about it, and even now and then you'll come across a classroom that's very understanding and empathetic and willing to bend to accomodate their classmate. If William can't have chocolate, Susan and others will bring vanilla cupcakes for their birthdays. If Anya is allergic to wheat, the kids will find a wheat-free treat to bring to school. That's so empowering and uplifting, to see kids who are all about helping one another and standing together. It's clear they've been given the right role models to look to and follow.

For teachers, it's most important when the parents are clear and upfront about allergies, even for dust or outside allergens. If a parent came to me and said that Sally was allergic to dust, I'd try a little harder to keep my classroom cleaner. If another parent came to me and said that their son Chuckie was allergic to citrus products, I'd definitely make sure to ask and remind parents to keep citrus juices and products out of our classroom for the safety of all students.

My school is supposed to provide a first aid kid to all classrooms, but as a specials teacher I've been overlooked (fairly often the case). I'm working on my own, and I've got to get some more plastic gloves, but I've got children's tylenol in there as well as some benedryl and plenty of gauze and band aids. I've never had to use any of it, thank God, but you never know.

That leads me to my next point: meds. If a student has medication that they have to take at a certain time, I'd leave it with a teacher or in the school office or with the nurse. That's not to say that kids aren't responsible enough to take care of it on their own, but sometimes kids forget if the schedule is a little different, and sometimes kids don't know that it's not okay to self-medicate if they 'need a little more'. Parents will probably need to give written permission for the school to give any kind of medication to a student. Sometimes I wish it was the 1940s again when teachers could dole out medication as necessary and parents didn't need to sign a waiver. Paperwork has clogged up the entire system, man.

Parents, teachers, and students NEED to rely on one another when dealing with allergies. Teachers can't keep an eye out for problems if they don't know, and a parent can't be angry with a teacher for not knowing what the problem is. If I know that Charlotte is allergic to milk and give her a carton anyway, sure! Get mad at me! But if I DON'T know that Charlotte is allergic to milk, I can't be held completely responsible; I can't watch out for the problem if I don't know that there is a problem. Food allergies are hard on everyone, but I firmly believe that there's a solution or compromise to be found as long as everyone is upfront at the very beginning.

If a teacher doesn't feel comfortable giving medication or dealing with meds, there has to be someone at the school who does. If a school is lucky enough to have a nurse, that person should be able to deal with anything minor or mildly major enough that comes along, and a nurse will know when an ambulance needs to be called.

I feel so bad for kids with allergies. I think that especially with something simple, like milk, kids feel as though they're the weird kid or that they're different and in a bad way. That's simple not true, as we all know. I've heard that your allergies can change and develop into deeper or weaker allergies every 7 years or so, and that allergies can fade and that new allergies can develop. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but if it is...what a blessing for parents! As a teacher I'd love to hear that Junior is no longer allergic to chocolate. As a parent, I'd be delighted if that meant I didn't have to dig through the annual Halloween Candy Haul to find what Junior can eat through all the chocolate.

Bottom line: if parents are upfront and the child is old enough to be a little vigilent, and the teacher is aware of the situation, there's no reason that the teacher and student can't have a 'normal' year. It might be a stretch for all involved, but the child deserves to have fun and the teacher can make that happen with cooperation and a little more awareness.

Report Card time, a.k.a. YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I wish that teachers never had to give report cards. I really do. It's time consuming and irritating, to be topped only by the day-long marathon they call Parent/Teacher(/Student) conferences. Blech. Calculating grades is time consuming and I hate doing it, therefore I don't do it unless I have to or I'm asked by a student what grade they're currently earning (or not earning).

It's depressing, too. Unfortunately it's living proof that they aren't getting it. While that's not always the fault of the teacher, it's still really depressing. Annoyingly so, in fact. You, as an educator, have to come face to face with the fact that no matter what you did, no matter how many hours you spent with the child, you still didn't 'do it' and they still didn't 'get it'. Ugh. Who needs that?

For someone in my position, Parent/Teacher conferences are always awkward and annoying. You're an 'extra' teacher and many parents don't even bother to try and meet you at the beginning of the year. However, the ones you do end up meeting are usually pretty pissed at you once they show up--typically at conferences. 9 times out of 10 parents come to me wanting a darn good explanation as to why Jr. didn't get a decent grade. Once I show them the proof in the numbers, they either turn the tables on Jr. and demand they take responsibility for their grades, or they're still pissed at me and essentially demand I change their child's grade. (Those are typically the parents who always, always believe the child over the teacher and usually believe the teacher is in fact 'picking on' their child for whatever reason.)

In the past I've just let the parents come to me, but the ones who SHOULD don't always come. On occassion you get the parent who is confused as to why their child received a B--shouldn't they be getting an A in this subject? It's supposed to be easy, right? This quarter, I am requesting to meet with certain parents and students. If anything it will keep me a little busier during the 7-hour conference marathon, and I'll really be able to talk to the parents whose children I'm concerned for. However, just because they're scheduled doesn't mean they'll show up. I'm not sure which will be more annoying--being blown off by the schedule, or just being ignored all afternoon. I guess I'll find out.

Wow, that's really refreshing.

We got news today that THAT student is getting some long needed help. Hallelujah! Oh, wait...I can't say that during Lent, can I?

All I have to say is: it's about damn time. Not that we don't like this student or are relieved that he and his parents had to come to this decision, but it's time. I think that as his teachers we have been more than patient and more than willing to help him succeed, but there's only so much we can do without the help of the parent(s). Now that his parents are on board (fingers crossed that it sticks!) I feel like we'll finally be able to channel his energy and creativity into productivity and not negativity. Ivity ivity.

I know it will be an awkward transition period for him, but I think that if he and his parents hold of their end of the deal, so to speak, he can have a really great final quarter. (WOO! THE END IS HERE!) He's more than capable, but for a long time there have been a number of factors standing in the way of his success. Here's hoping my excitement isn't wasted on an empty promise.